4 Stages of an Affair
TLDRThis video script delves into the four stages of an affair, from the initial excitement of the 'friend zone' to the emotional attachment, the physical exploration, and the eventual realization of the affair's unsustainability. It highlights the emotional turmoil, guilt, and the potential breakdown of the primary relationship, urging those involved to reflect on their actions and the impact on their partners. The script also differentiates between casual cheating and the more manipulative nature of an affair, offering insight into the complexities of infidelity and its long-term effects on relationships.
Takeaways
- ๐ Affairs are often seen as exciting and can feel like the best thing to happen in a relationship, especially in the early stages.
- ๐ฅ Stage one of an affair typically begins with a new friendship that is kept secret from the current partner.
- ๐ In the initial stage, individuals may start to change their appearance or habits, which can be noticed by their significant other.
- ๐ต Stage two involves emotional attachment, where the affair partner becomes an advisor and a confidant about the current relationship's issues.
- ๐ As the affair progresses, there is a growing sense of guilt and anxiety, especially when trying to hide the relationship from the current partner.
- ๐ฌ The third stage is characterized by the realization of the affair partner's humanity and the inevitable conflicts that arise, similar to the current relationship.
- ๐คฐ In some cases, the affair can lead to pregnancy, adding to the complexity and urgency of the situation.
- ๐ Stage three often results in exhaustion and a recognition that maintaining both relationships is unsustainable.
- ๐ The fourth and final stage is redemption, where the individual acknowledges the need to end the affair and repair the original relationship.
- ๐ The difference between cheating and an affair is that an affair is manipulative and involves a deeper emotional connection, whereas cheating can be a one-time mistake or a pattern of behavior.
- ๐ข The speaker encourages those involved in an affair to reflect on their actions and consider the impact on their partner, offering to provide further guidance on dealing with the aftermath of infidelity.
Q & A
What are the four stages of an affair as described in the script?
-The four stages of an affair are: 1) The 'friend zone' where the affair begins as a seemingly innocent friendship. 2) Emotional attachment, where the affair becomes more serious and the person involved starts to confide in the affair partner about their current relationship. 3) The realization of the affair's impact, where the affair partner becomes more demanding and the person involved starts to feel guilt and exhaustion. 4) Redemption, where the person involved recognizes the need to end the affair and mend their current relationship.
Why do people often feel excited during the first stage of an affair?
-People feel excited during the first stage of an affair because it is perceived as something new and thrilling, providing attention and emotional stimulation that they may feel is lacking in their current relationship.
What behavioral changes might a person exhibit during the first stage of an affair?
-During the first stage, a person might change their appearance, buy new cologne or perfume, join a gym, or start leaving for work early and coming home late, all in an attempt to feel alive and attract the attention of the affair partner.
How does the affair partner influence the person involved in the second stage?
-In the second stage, the affair partner often becomes an advisor, offering opinions on the person's current relationship problems and painting a picture of what a potential relationship with them could look like.
What are some signs that a person might be experiencing the third stage of an affair?
-In the third stage, signs include feeling exhausted from trying to balance both relationships, noticing that the affair partner is also human with flaws, and dealing with the guilt of their current partner pulling away or being hurt.
Why is the third stage of an affair particularly challenging?
-The third stage is challenging because the initial excitement has faded, and the person involved starts to see the affair partner's flaws. They also realize the affair is unsustainable and begin to worry about losing their current partner.
What does the term 'redemption' refer to in the context of the fourth stage of an affair?
-Redemption in the fourth stage refers to the person's realization that they need to end the affair and attempt to repair their current relationship, which has been damaged by the affair.
How does the script differentiate between cheating and an affair?
-Cheating is described as a one-time mistake or a pattern of selfish behavior, whereas an affair is manipulative, involves a deeper emotional connection, and is a conscious decision to hurt one's spouse.
What advice does the script offer to someone who is in one of the stages of an affair?
-The script advises the person to take a moment to realize that the affair is not about them and to consider the impact on their partner. It also suggests reflecting on their commitment to the relationship and the consequences of their actions.
What is the potential outcome of the fourth stage of an affair if the person decides to mend their current relationship?
-The potential outcome is that the person may be able to realign with their current partner if they are willing to accept them back, which may involve a process of rebuilding trust and healing from the infidelity.
Why is it important for someone in an affair to consider the feelings of their current partner?
-It is important because the affair can cause significant emotional pain and damage to the current partner, who may feel that the fault lies with them. Recognizing the impact on the partner can help the person in the affair make more informed decisions about their actions.
Outlines
๐ The Excitement of Infidelity's Early Stages
The first paragraph discusses the initial stages of an affair, highlighting the excitement and emotional attachment that often accompany the 'love stage.' It explains how individuals in an affair might feel rejuvenated and compare their new connection to the comfort and complacency of their current relationship. The speaker emphasizes the deceptive nature of stage one, where the affair is disguised as a friendship, and the subtle changes in behavior that can alert a partner to something amiss. This stage is characterized by the thrill of a new connection and the emotional turmoil of guilt and secrecy.
๐ Deepening Emotional and Physical Involvement
The second paragraph delves into the progression of an affair into deeper emotional and physical territory. It describes how the affair moves from an emotional attachment to exploring physical intimacy, often rekindling excitement that may have faded in the primary relationship. The new partner becomes an advisor, potentially influencing the individual's perspective on their current relationship. This stage is marked by increased anxiety about maintaining the affair while dealing with the growing guilt of deceiving a partner who may be pulling away, sensing the change.
๐ The Reality and Struggles of an Ongoing Affair
In the third paragraph, the affair's honeymoon phase fades, and the individual confronts the reality of maintaining two relationships. The new relationship, once a source of excitement, now brings its own set of conflicts and challenges. The individual grapples with the exhaustion of balancing lies and the emotional toll of potentially losing their current partner. This stage often involves the realization that the affair is unsustainable and the fear of the consequences, including the discovery of a pregnancy or the strain on family life.
๐ธ The Redemption and Resolution of Infidelity
The final paragraph addresses the resolution phase of an affair, where the individual recognizes the need to end the affair and repair their primary relationship. It discusses the immense guilt and the struggle to regain trust and integrity after the deception. The speaker differentiates between cheating, which may be a one-time mistake or a pattern of behavior, and an affair, which is a deliberate and manipulative act. The paragraph concludes with an invitation for viewers to reflect on their experiences and consider reaching out for guidance on healing from infidelity.
Mindmap
Keywords
๐กAffair
๐กFriend Zone
๐กGuilt
๐กEmotional Attachment
๐กDopamine
๐กInfidelity
๐กManipulation
๐กStage 1: Friend Zone
๐กStage 2: Emotional Attachment
๐กStage 3: Realization
๐กStage 4: Redemption
Highlights
Introduction to the four stages of an affair and its potential to be one of the most hurtful incidents in a relationship.
Explanation of how the excitement of an affair can feel like the best thing to happen in a relationship, leading to the 'love stage'.
Description of the first stage of an affair, characterized by the 'friend zone' and the emotional changes it brings.
Discussion on how the new friendship in an affair can lead to physical changes in the person involved, such as a new cologne or gym membership.
Insight into the fear of confrontation by a significant other noticing changes due to the affair.
The second stage of an affair where emotional attachment deepens and the affair partner becomes an advisor.
Exploration of the manipulative nature of the affair partner painting a picture of a better relationship.
The third stage of an affair where the new relationship's problems become apparent and the affairee starts to feel guilt.
Realization in stage three that the affair is unsustainable and the emotional strain it puts on the person involved.
The potential complications of pregnancy in the context of an affair and the panic it can cause.
The fourth and final stage of an affair, redemption, where the person involved seeks to mend their current relationship.
Understanding the difference between cheating and an affair, with an affair being more manipulative and deliberate.
Advice for those in an affair to consider the impact on their partner and the choice they made to be in the relationship.
Encouragement for viewers to reflect on the stage they are in or have been in, and to share the video with others who might be going through a similar situation.
Promise of a follow-up video on how to deal with coming back from infidelity if the current partner is willing to take the person back.
Closing remarks thanking viewers for watching and reminding them to subscribe for the next episode.
Transcripts
hi welcome back today's episode we are
going to talk about the four stages of
an affair and if you can hear my
beautiful birds outside they are
whistling why this can probably be one
of the most hurtful incidents that can
happen
in your relationship so when i discuss
the four levels of an affair if you are
the person having the affair it will
help you understand where you are and
how to put a stop to exactly what you're
doing because you are destroying the
build up and the foundation of the
potential of the most beautiful
relationship you are currently in
when we look at affairs first of all
they are always going to be exciting so
if you are in a relationship and you are
having an affair it's going to feel like
the best thing that's ever happened
because you're in the love stage it is
fueling you it's making you feel excited
and a lot of the times this is where
stage one stems from you end up thinking
that it's the friend zone you end up
thinking that this person just seems to
be giving me so much attention i've not
had this much attention in the the
current relationship i'm in and the
current relationship you're in you're
probably in a stage where you're taking
things for granted or things are moving
at a pace where you feel really
comfortable
now stage one of any affair is when it
is the friend zone
but
you are not involving your current
partner into that new friendship
this new friendship is keeping you giddy
and it makes you feel alive you're
actually fantasizing about the other
person
in this stage of that friendship you are
probably changing the way you look
you've probably bought a new cologne or
a perfume you've probably joined the gym
they're little changes that your
significant other can always recognize
about you but they already are too
scared to bring out there's too scared
to turn around and say i've noticed that
you leave for work really early
but your dressings kind of changed i've
noticed that you come home really late
and you never used to do that they are
too scared to point that out because
they feel you will turn around and tell
them that you are trying to evolve and
grow and change as a person and they are
bringing you down stage one probably you
push it to be able to meet this person
after work and you've convinced yourself
that you're just doing it as friends
that this person understands you that
they're listening to you and you need
this kind of a friendship in your life
but
if you are dealing with guilt and
there's nobody else in this friendship
you don't have other co-workers coming
for that
late night drink or that lunch then you
are dealing with a bit of the guilt
feeling that
why would i do something like this and
hide it from my partner and when your
partner calls you put them on busy you
turn your phone upside down because you
don't want the other person to
potentially ask you in stage one who is
this person
and in this this part of this
relationship you are feeling like
you know what i feel i'm emotionally
getting attached and maybe we're working
up towards physically moving to the next
level and stage two is all about that
stage two you are now
moving into emotionally being more
attached and you are letting this other
person know about the current
relationship you're in
you're feeling that this person's
understanding all the problems in your
relationship this person becomes the
advisor to your relationship this
person's pulling power in being able to
say when you have a fight this is what
you should be doing ignore her she's too
needy i would never treat you that way
and so this person is also painting a
picture
of what your potential relationship
could look like and because you're
giving them full insight into everything
that you think is wrong in your current
relationship this person is going to
make you feel if you're with me i'd
never make you experience that stage two
is all about now where you are finding
ways you have
you know anxiety that if i fight with
this new person i'm in a relationship
with
i cannot be a dinner with my family i
can't just travel with my family and not
call this person i'm now secretly
looking for ways to make this other
person feel
that i am justifying why i'm still in
this marriage
i'm telling my new partner you are the
person i think i could spend the rest of
my life with i'm telling this new
partner while i'm still excited that i'm
trying to get out of my marriage and i
promise i will leave
and now this new partner because in
stage one this new partner is also
taking it very easy but now this new
partner could possibly be falling in
love with you now they're putting
financial strains on you now they're
putting emotional strains on you now
they need more of your attention now
you're starting to feel a little torn
because you are now going to create
fights and you will create problems in
your current relationship
to justify why you were doing what you
were doing
stage two is all about now exploring the
physical side you will do things you
probably have never done in your
relationship or haven't done for a long
time because the children have come in
and life just set in and so this new
person
is this injection of excitement for you
and they make you feel alive sexually
but you've got to be able to remember
when you are going back home
a part of you now starts to deal with
bigger guilt because your current
partner is pulling away and they can
feel that you are no longer there and
this is why stage three becomes really
really tough
in stage 3 dopamine has died down you
both are still sexually attracted and
active but
you start to notice that the person
you're having an affair with is human
you are having as many fights in that
relationship as you were in your current
relationship and at some point you've
pushed this relationship that you're in
or your marriage to reach a point where
we're not gonna fight because i don't
have the energy to do that because all
my energy is going in to be with
somebody else and your current partner
has recognized there's a huge change
with you and they have pulled away or
they are hurting inside or they are
broken and they are either trying to
find ways to get you back and you are
trying to find ways to get away
stage three you start to realize you
cannot balance both
you are finding it's exhausting i've had
people who say they cannot they cannot
be in peak performance at work anymore
they're not able to face their children
because of the guilt
people are asking more and more of who
they are and they just sort of feel like
i'm losing myself because this is not
who i'm supposed to be
in stage two
a lot of people by now have found a way
where they've realized they're pregnant
or there's a child now involved and the
panic sets in in stage three which is
how do i deal with this baby because
stage two was i'm still leaving my wife
and we'll have this child together or
i'm leaving my husband and i want to be
with you and now i'm pregnant and i need
you to step up because my husband's
going to find out and i'm going to be
all alone
when you're in stage 2 you're not so
worried about losing your current
partner in stage three you are
completely worried about losing your
current partner because you realize this
is not sustainable enough
and a lot of
relationships a lot of the marriages get
caught in stage three this is when
people start to realize
i've found a message i found a receipt
i'm
dotting backwards everything about you
and this is where that relationship
comes to an end and a huge percentage of
relationships get caught now stage four
is redemption
and redemption in stage four is you are
realizing that you have to end this
relationship
you need to mend what you currently have
your current partner is completely
distort
they feel that everything they believed
in you everything they thought you were
you no longer are and they are
struggling to comprehend the level of
deceit and lies
because an affair can last two months or
an affair can last years and sometimes
affairs never come into light some
partners never know that a partner was
cheating on them multiple times
a lot of the times people ask me what's
the difference with cheating and an
affair
the difference with cheating is you
either have a chronic cheater that is
just selfish and cannot settle with one
person they know this one person gives
them the home that they can keep coming
back to they know they can manipulate
that person to take them back every
single time a lot of the times cheating
in some of the people i've worked with
was just a massive mistake it built over
time they realized the marriage was not
good they they pushed through phase one
they felt amazing and now they've made a
mistake and they want to make this
marriage work and they'll never cheat
again
but an affair is so painful because it's
manipulative
you understand what you're doing you
know you are cheating you know you are
lying you know you are hurting your
spouse to be able to be with the other
person
if you are going through one of these
four stages i just want you to take a
moment to realize it's not about you to
realize that you chose to be in a
relationship and it doesn't matter how
hard it gets i want you to take a moment
to think about the fact that your
partner is going to think it was their
fault if you're being cheated on it has
nothing to do with you a lot of the
times this person is searching for a new
part of them because they cannot deal
with the version that they have become
let me know in the comment section
what stage you're at what stage you've
ever been at and forward this video to
anybody you know that is going through
this so they can recognize the levels
that they're going through and
be at the fourth stage which is
hopefully coming back to realign with
the person you're with if they will take
you back i will do another video for you
on how to deal with coming back from
infidelity but at least this shows you
the four stages that really do exist
in an affair
thank you for watching don't forget to
subscribe
and i will see you at the next episode
[Music]
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