4 Stages of an Affair

Shazmeen Bank
15 Apr 202211:20
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRThis video script delves into the four stages of an affair, from the initial excitement of the 'friend zone' to the emotional attachment, the physical exploration, and the eventual realization of the affair's unsustainability. It highlights the emotional turmoil, guilt, and the potential breakdown of the primary relationship, urging those involved to reflect on their actions and the impact on their partners. The script also differentiates between casual cheating and the more manipulative nature of an affair, offering insight into the complexities of infidelity and its long-term effects on relationships.

Takeaways
  • ๐Ÿ’” Affairs are often seen as exciting and can feel like the best thing to happen in a relationship, especially in the early stages.
  • ๐Ÿ‘ฅ Stage one of an affair typically begins with a new friendship that is kept secret from the current partner.
  • ๐ŸŒŸ In the initial stage, individuals may start to change their appearance or habits, which can be noticed by their significant other.
  • ๐Ÿ“ต Stage two involves emotional attachment, where the affair partner becomes an advisor and a confidant about the current relationship's issues.
  • ๐Ÿ”’ As the affair progresses, there is a growing sense of guilt and anxiety, especially when trying to hide the relationship from the current partner.
  • ๐Ÿ’ฌ The third stage is characterized by the realization of the affair partner's humanity and the inevitable conflicts that arise, similar to the current relationship.
  • ๐Ÿคฐ In some cases, the affair can lead to pregnancy, adding to the complexity and urgency of the situation.
  • ๐Ÿ˜” Stage three often results in exhaustion and a recognition that maintaining both relationships is unsustainable.
  • ๐Ÿ’” The fourth and final stage is redemption, where the individual acknowledges the need to end the affair and repair the original relationship.
  • ๐Ÿ”„ The difference between cheating and an affair is that an affair is manipulative and involves a deeper emotional connection, whereas cheating can be a one-time mistake or a pattern of behavior.
  • ๐Ÿ“ข The speaker encourages those involved in an affair to reflect on their actions and consider the impact on their partner, offering to provide further guidance on dealing with the aftermath of infidelity.
Q & A
  • What are the four stages of an affair as described in the script?

    -The four stages of an affair are: 1) The 'friend zone' where the affair begins as a seemingly innocent friendship. 2) Emotional attachment, where the affair becomes more serious and the person involved starts to confide in the affair partner about their current relationship. 3) The realization of the affair's impact, where the affair partner becomes more demanding and the person involved starts to feel guilt and exhaustion. 4) Redemption, where the person involved recognizes the need to end the affair and mend their current relationship.

  • Why do people often feel excited during the first stage of an affair?

    -People feel excited during the first stage of an affair because it is perceived as something new and thrilling, providing attention and emotional stimulation that they may feel is lacking in their current relationship.

  • What behavioral changes might a person exhibit during the first stage of an affair?

    -During the first stage, a person might change their appearance, buy new cologne or perfume, join a gym, or start leaving for work early and coming home late, all in an attempt to feel alive and attract the attention of the affair partner.

  • How does the affair partner influence the person involved in the second stage?

    -In the second stage, the affair partner often becomes an advisor, offering opinions on the person's current relationship problems and painting a picture of what a potential relationship with them could look like.

  • What are some signs that a person might be experiencing the third stage of an affair?

    -In the third stage, signs include feeling exhausted from trying to balance both relationships, noticing that the affair partner is also human with flaws, and dealing with the guilt of their current partner pulling away or being hurt.

  • Why is the third stage of an affair particularly challenging?

    -The third stage is challenging because the initial excitement has faded, and the person involved starts to see the affair partner's flaws. They also realize the affair is unsustainable and begin to worry about losing their current partner.

  • What does the term 'redemption' refer to in the context of the fourth stage of an affair?

    -Redemption in the fourth stage refers to the person's realization that they need to end the affair and attempt to repair their current relationship, which has been damaged by the affair.

  • How does the script differentiate between cheating and an affair?

    -Cheating is described as a one-time mistake or a pattern of selfish behavior, whereas an affair is manipulative, involves a deeper emotional connection, and is a conscious decision to hurt one's spouse.

  • What advice does the script offer to someone who is in one of the stages of an affair?

    -The script advises the person to take a moment to realize that the affair is not about them and to consider the impact on their partner. It also suggests reflecting on their commitment to the relationship and the consequences of their actions.

  • What is the potential outcome of the fourth stage of an affair if the person decides to mend their current relationship?

    -The potential outcome is that the person may be able to realign with their current partner if they are willing to accept them back, which may involve a process of rebuilding trust and healing from the infidelity.

  • Why is it important for someone in an affair to consider the feelings of their current partner?

    -It is important because the affair can cause significant emotional pain and damage to the current partner, who may feel that the fault lies with them. Recognizing the impact on the partner can help the person in the affair make more informed decisions about their actions.

Outlines
00:00
๐ŸŒŸ The Excitement of Infidelity's Early Stages

The first paragraph discusses the initial stages of an affair, highlighting the excitement and emotional attachment that often accompany the 'love stage.' It explains how individuals in an affair might feel rejuvenated and compare their new connection to the comfort and complacency of their current relationship. The speaker emphasizes the deceptive nature of stage one, where the affair is disguised as a friendship, and the subtle changes in behavior that can alert a partner to something amiss. This stage is characterized by the thrill of a new connection and the emotional turmoil of guilt and secrecy.

05:02
๐Ÿ”’ Deepening Emotional and Physical Involvement

The second paragraph delves into the progression of an affair into deeper emotional and physical territory. It describes how the affair moves from an emotional attachment to exploring physical intimacy, often rekindling excitement that may have faded in the primary relationship. The new partner becomes an advisor, potentially influencing the individual's perspective on their current relationship. This stage is marked by increased anxiety about maintaining the affair while dealing with the growing guilt of deceiving a partner who may be pulling away, sensing the change.

10:03
๐Ÿ˜” The Reality and Struggles of an Ongoing Affair

In the third paragraph, the affair's honeymoon phase fades, and the individual confronts the reality of maintaining two relationships. The new relationship, once a source of excitement, now brings its own set of conflicts and challenges. The individual grapples with the exhaustion of balancing lies and the emotional toll of potentially losing their current partner. This stage often involves the realization that the affair is unsustainable and the fear of the consequences, including the discovery of a pregnancy or the strain on family life.

๐Ÿšธ The Redemption and Resolution of Infidelity

The final paragraph addresses the resolution phase of an affair, where the individual recognizes the need to end the affair and repair their primary relationship. It discusses the immense guilt and the struggle to regain trust and integrity after the deception. The speaker differentiates between cheating, which may be a one-time mistake or a pattern of behavior, and an affair, which is a deliberate and manipulative act. The paragraph concludes with an invitation for viewers to reflect on their experiences and consider reaching out for guidance on healing from infidelity.

Mindmap
Support for Affected Parties
Self-Realization
Difference Between Cheating and Affairs
Impact on Current Partner
Realization and Termination
Guilt and Consequences
Relationship Struggles
Dopamine Decline
Physical Involvement
Creating Problems
Advisor and Confidant
Guilt and Secrecy
Behavioral Changes
New Friendship
Potential for Relationship Destruction
Importance of Understanding Affairs
Advice and Reflection
Stage Four: Redemption
Stage Three: Reality and Strain
Stage Two: Emotional Attachment
Stage One: Excitement and Friend Zone
Introduction
Affair Stages
Alert
Keywords
๐Ÿ’กAffair
An affair is a romantic and emotional relationship outside one's committed partnership or marriage. In the video, an affair is depicted as a hurtful incident that can destroy the foundation of a relationship. The script discusses the stages of an affair, emphasizing its emotional and physical aspects and the deceit involved.
๐Ÿ’กFriend Zone
The friend zone refers to the initial stage of an affair where the person having the affair perceives the relationship as merely a friendship. In the video, this stage is marked by increased attention and emotional connection, leading to changes in behavior that may be noticeable to the current partner.
๐Ÿ’กGuilt
Guilt is the emotional discomfort experienced when one knows they are doing something wrong. In the context of an affair, guilt arises from hiding the new relationship from the current partner and feeling conflicted about the deceit. The video describes how this guilt can manifest in actions such as avoiding phone calls from the partner.
๐Ÿ’กEmotional Attachment
Emotional attachment in an affair refers to the deepening connection and dependency on the new partner. The video explains that this stage involves confiding in the new partner about issues in the current relationship, leading to an emotional bond that complicates the affair.
๐Ÿ’กDopamine
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. In the video, the initial excitement and thrill of an affair are attributed to increased dopamine levels, making the affair feel exhilarating. As the affair progresses, the dopamine-induced excitement fades, revealing the challenges and realities of the new relationship.
๐Ÿ’กInfidelity
Infidelity is the act of being unfaithful to a committed partner, typically by engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else. The video contrasts infidelity with an affair, highlighting that an affair involves manipulation and a deeper emotional connection compared to a one-time act of cheating.
๐Ÿ’กManipulation
Manipulation in the context of an affair refers to the deceptive actions taken to maintain the affair and keep it hidden from the current partner. The video points out that an affair involves calculated deceit and manipulation, making it more hurtful than a single instance of cheating.
๐Ÿ’กStage 1: Friend Zone
Stage 1 of an affair is characterized by the friend zone, where the person having the affair develops a close friendship with someone outside their relationship. This stage involves increased attention and emotional connection, often leading to changes in behavior that may be noticed by the current partner.
๐Ÿ’กStage 2: Emotional Attachment
Stage 2 of an affair involves deepening emotional attachment to the new partner. This stage includes sharing personal problems, seeking advice, and developing a stronger emotional bond. The video explains that this stage sets the groundwork for potential physical involvement.
๐Ÿ’กStage 3: Realization
Stage 3 is the realization stage, where the excitement of the affair fades, and the person begins to see the new partner's flaws. The video describes this stage as challenging, with increased guilt, difficulty balancing relationships, and the potential discovery of the affair by the current partner.
๐Ÿ’กStage 4: Redemption
Stage 4 of an affair is the redemption stage, where the person realizes the need to end the affair and mend the current relationship. The video emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the harm caused and attempting to rebuild trust and connection with the current partner.
Highlights

Introduction to the four stages of an affair and its potential to be one of the most hurtful incidents in a relationship.

Explanation of how the excitement of an affair can feel like the best thing to happen in a relationship, leading to the 'love stage'.

Description of the first stage of an affair, characterized by the 'friend zone' and the emotional changes it brings.

Discussion on how the new friendship in an affair can lead to physical changes in the person involved, such as a new cologne or gym membership.

Insight into the fear of confrontation by a significant other noticing changes due to the affair.

The second stage of an affair where emotional attachment deepens and the affair partner becomes an advisor.

Exploration of the manipulative nature of the affair partner painting a picture of a better relationship.

The third stage of an affair where the new relationship's problems become apparent and the affairee starts to feel guilt.

Realization in stage three that the affair is unsustainable and the emotional strain it puts on the person involved.

The potential complications of pregnancy in the context of an affair and the panic it can cause.

The fourth and final stage of an affair, redemption, where the person involved seeks to mend their current relationship.

Understanding the difference between cheating and an affair, with an affair being more manipulative and deliberate.

Advice for those in an affair to consider the impact on their partner and the choice they made to be in the relationship.

Encouragement for viewers to reflect on the stage they are in or have been in, and to share the video with others who might be going through a similar situation.

Promise of a follow-up video on how to deal with coming back from infidelity if the current partner is willing to take the person back.

Closing remarks thanking viewers for watching and reminding them to subscribe for the next episode.

Transcripts
00:01

hi welcome back today's episode we are

00:04

going to talk about the four stages of

00:07

an affair and if you can hear my

00:09

beautiful birds outside they are

00:11

whistling why this can probably be one

00:14

of the most hurtful incidents that can

00:16

happen

00:17

in your relationship so when i discuss

00:19

the four levels of an affair if you are

00:22

the person having the affair it will

00:24

help you understand where you are and

00:27

how to put a stop to exactly what you're

00:29

doing because you are destroying the

00:32

build up and the foundation of the

00:34

potential of the most beautiful

00:35

relationship you are currently in

00:38

when we look at affairs first of all

00:41

they are always going to be exciting so

00:43

if you are in a relationship and you are

00:45

having an affair it's going to feel like

00:47

the best thing that's ever happened

00:49

because you're in the love stage it is

00:52

fueling you it's making you feel excited

00:54

and a lot of the times this is where

00:56

stage one stems from you end up thinking

01:00

that it's the friend zone you end up

01:02

thinking that this person just seems to

01:04

be giving me so much attention i've not

01:07

had this much attention in the the

01:09

current relationship i'm in and the

01:11

current relationship you're in you're

01:13

probably in a stage where you're taking

01:15

things for granted or things are moving

01:18

at a pace where you feel really

01:19

comfortable

01:21

now stage one of any affair is when it

01:24

is the friend zone

01:26

but

01:27

you are not involving your current

01:30

partner into that new friendship

01:32

this new friendship is keeping you giddy

01:35

and it makes you feel alive you're

01:37

actually fantasizing about the other

01:39

person

01:40

in this stage of that friendship you are

01:44

probably changing the way you look

01:46

you've probably bought a new cologne or

01:48

a perfume you've probably joined the gym

01:50

they're little changes that your

01:52

significant other can always recognize

01:55

about you but they already are too

01:58

scared to bring out there's too scared

02:00

to turn around and say i've noticed that

02:02

you leave for work really early

02:05

but your dressings kind of changed i've

02:07

noticed that you come home really late

02:09

and you never used to do that they are

02:11

too scared to point that out because

02:13

they feel you will turn around and tell

02:16

them that you are trying to evolve and

02:18

grow and change as a person and they are

02:20

bringing you down stage one probably you

02:24

push it to be able to meet this person

02:26

after work and you've convinced yourself

02:29

that you're just doing it as friends

02:31

that this person understands you that

02:34

they're listening to you and you need

02:36

this kind of a friendship in your life

02:38

but

02:39

if you are dealing with guilt and

02:41

there's nobody else in this friendship

02:44

you don't have other co-workers coming

02:46

for that

02:47

late night drink or that lunch then you

02:51

are dealing with a bit of the guilt

02:52

feeling that

02:54

why would i do something like this and

02:56

hide it from my partner and when your

02:58

partner calls you put them on busy you

03:00

turn your phone upside down because you

03:02

don't want the other person to

03:04

potentially ask you in stage one who is

03:07

this person

03:09

and in this this part of this

03:11

relationship you are feeling like

03:13

you know what i feel i'm emotionally

03:16

getting attached and maybe we're working

03:19

up towards physically moving to the next

03:21

level and stage two is all about that

03:24

stage two you are now

03:27

moving into emotionally being more

03:29

attached and you are letting this other

03:30

person know about the current

03:32

relationship you're in

03:34

you're feeling that this person's

03:36

understanding all the problems in your

03:38

relationship this person becomes the

03:40

advisor to your relationship this

03:43

person's pulling power in being able to

03:46

say when you have a fight this is what

03:48

you should be doing ignore her she's too

03:51

needy i would never treat you that way

03:54

and so this person is also painting a

03:56

picture

03:57

of what your potential relationship

03:59

could look like and because you're

04:01

giving them full insight into everything

04:04

that you think is wrong in your current

04:06

relationship this person is going to

04:09

make you feel if you're with me i'd

04:11

never make you experience that stage two

04:14

is all about now where you are finding

04:17

ways you have

04:18

you know anxiety that if i fight with

04:21

this new person i'm in a relationship

04:23

with

04:24

i cannot be a dinner with my family i

04:27

can't just travel with my family and not

04:30

call this person i'm now secretly

04:32

looking for ways to make this other

04:34

person feel

04:36

that i am justifying why i'm still in

04:39

this marriage

04:41

i'm telling my new partner you are the

04:44

person i think i could spend the rest of

04:46

my life with i'm telling this new

04:48

partner while i'm still excited that i'm

04:51

trying to get out of my marriage and i

04:53

promise i will leave

04:55

and now this new partner because in

04:58

stage one this new partner is also

05:00

taking it very easy but now this new

05:02

partner could possibly be falling in

05:04

love with you now they're putting

05:06

financial strains on you now they're

05:08

putting emotional strains on you now

05:10

they need more of your attention now

05:13

you're starting to feel a little torn

05:15

because you are now going to create

05:17

fights and you will create problems in

05:21

your current relationship

05:23

to justify why you were doing what you

05:26

were doing

05:27

stage two is all about now exploring the

05:31

physical side you will do things you

05:33

probably have never done in your

05:35

relationship or haven't done for a long

05:37

time because the children have come in

05:40

and life just set in and so this new

05:42

person

05:43

is this injection of excitement for you

05:46

and they make you feel alive sexually

05:49

but you've got to be able to remember

05:51

when you are going back home

05:53

a part of you now starts to deal with

05:55

bigger guilt because your current

05:57

partner is pulling away and they can

06:00

feel that you are no longer there and

06:02

this is why stage three becomes really

06:05

really tough

06:07

in stage 3 dopamine has died down you

06:11

both are still sexually attracted and

06:13

active but

06:15

you start to notice that the person

06:17

you're having an affair with is human

06:21

you are having as many fights in that

06:24

relationship as you were in your current

06:26

relationship and at some point you've

06:28

pushed this relationship that you're in

06:31

or your marriage to reach a point where

06:34

we're not gonna fight because i don't

06:36

have the energy to do that because all

06:38

my energy is going in to be with

06:39

somebody else and your current partner

06:42

has recognized there's a huge change

06:44

with you and they have pulled away or

06:47

they are hurting inside or they are

06:49

broken and they are either trying to

06:51

find ways to get you back and you are

06:53

trying to find ways to get away

06:55

stage three you start to realize you

06:58

cannot balance both

07:00

you are finding it's exhausting i've had

07:02

people who say they cannot they cannot

07:05

be in peak performance at work anymore

07:08

they're not able to face their children

07:10

because of the guilt

07:11

people are asking more and more of who

07:13

they are and they just sort of feel like

07:15

i'm losing myself because this is not

07:18

who i'm supposed to be

07:20

in stage two

07:22

a lot of people by now have found a way

07:25

where they've realized they're pregnant

07:28

or there's a child now involved and the

07:31

panic sets in in stage three which is

07:34

how do i deal with this baby because

07:36

stage two was i'm still leaving my wife

07:39

and we'll have this child together or

07:41

i'm leaving my husband and i want to be

07:43

with you and now i'm pregnant and i need

07:46

you to step up because my husband's

07:48

going to find out and i'm going to be

07:50

all alone

07:51

when you're in stage 2 you're not so

07:53

worried about losing your current

07:56

partner in stage three you are

07:59

completely worried about losing your

08:01

current partner because you realize this

08:03

is not sustainable enough

08:05

and a lot of

08:07

relationships a lot of the marriages get

08:09

caught in stage three this is when

08:11

people start to realize

08:14

i've found a message i found a receipt

08:17

i'm

08:17

dotting backwards everything about you

08:20

and this is where that relationship

08:22

comes to an end and a huge percentage of

08:26

relationships get caught now stage four

08:30

is redemption

08:31

and redemption in stage four is you are

08:34

realizing that you have to end this

08:37

relationship

08:38

you need to mend what you currently have

08:41

your current partner is completely

08:44

distort

08:45

they feel that everything they believed

08:47

in you everything they thought you were

08:49

you no longer are and they are

08:52

struggling to comprehend the level of

08:54

deceit and lies

08:56

because an affair can last two months or

08:59

an affair can last years and sometimes

09:02

affairs never come into light some

09:04

partners never know that a partner was

09:07

cheating on them multiple times

09:09

a lot of the times people ask me what's

09:11

the difference with cheating and an

09:13

affair

09:14

the difference with cheating is you

09:16

either have a chronic cheater that is

09:18

just selfish and cannot settle with one

09:20

person they know this one person gives

09:22

them the home that they can keep coming

09:25

back to they know they can manipulate

09:27

that person to take them back every

09:29

single time a lot of the times cheating

09:32

in some of the people i've worked with

09:34

was just a massive mistake it built over

09:37

time they realized the marriage was not

09:39

good they they pushed through phase one

09:42

they felt amazing and now they've made a

09:44

mistake and they want to make this

09:46

marriage work and they'll never cheat

09:47

again

09:48

but an affair is so painful because it's

09:52

manipulative

09:53

you understand what you're doing you

09:56

know you are cheating you know you are

09:58

lying you know you are hurting your

10:01

spouse to be able to be with the other

10:03

person

10:05

if you are going through one of these

10:07

four stages i just want you to take a

10:09

moment to realize it's not about you to

10:12

realize that you chose to be in a

10:14

relationship and it doesn't matter how

10:17

hard it gets i want you to take a moment

10:19

to think about the fact that your

10:22

partner is going to think it was their

10:24

fault if you're being cheated on it has

10:27

nothing to do with you a lot of the

10:29

times this person is searching for a new

10:31

part of them because they cannot deal

10:33

with the version that they have become

10:35

let me know in the comment section

10:38

what stage you're at what stage you've

10:40

ever been at and forward this video to

10:43

anybody you know that is going through

10:45

this so they can recognize the levels

10:48

that they're going through and

10:50

be at the fourth stage which is

10:52

hopefully coming back to realign with

10:54

the person you're with if they will take

10:57

you back i will do another video for you

11:00

on how to deal with coming back from

11:02

infidelity but at least this shows you

11:05

the four stages that really do exist

11:08

in an affair

11:10

thank you for watching don't forget to

11:12

subscribe

11:13

and i will see you at the next episode

11:18

[Music]