The power of listening | William Ury | TEDxSanDiego

The script opens with a philosophical riddle about sound and presence, using it as a metaphor to question the nature of communication without listening. The speaker, a negotiation expert, argues that listening is the often-overlooked half of communication. Despite living in the 'Age of Communication,' characterized by constant talking through various mediums, true listening is rare due to interruptions and distractions. The speaker's passion lies in facilitating 'yes' in difficult negotiations, where they've observed more talking than genuine listening. They emphasize that successful negotiators listen more, aligning with the natural ratio of two ears to one mouth, suggesting we should listen twice as much as we speak. The importance of listening is illustrated through a story involving a tense negotiation with Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez, highlighting how listening can shift attitudes and open minds.

This paragraph delves into the reasons why listening is crucial in negotiations and conflicts. Listening aids in understanding the other party's perspective, which is vital for influencing them. It also helps build rapport, trust, and shows that we care, as everyone desires to be heard. The act of listening makes the other person more likely to listen in return, facilitating agreement. The speaker shares an experience with a Brazilian entrepreneur, Abilio Diniz, who was in a legal dispute with his French business partner. By genuinely listening and identifying Abilio's true need for 'freedom,' the speaker and their team were able to resolve the conflict swiftly. The paragraph underscores that while listening is a simple act, it requires daily practice and is often hindered by our own mental noise and distractions.

The speaker explores the concept of self-listening as a prerequisite for genuinely listening to others. Drawing from their experience with President Chavez, they explain how taking a moment of quiet to listen to oneself can prepare one to listen to others without personal bias. This self-awareness allows for the management of one's emotional response, enabling clear and focused listening. The speaker proposes the idea of a 'listening revolution,' suggesting that if we start by listening to ourselves, we can more easily listen to others, potentially transforming communication and conflict resolution on a global scale.

In the final paragraph, the speaker paints a vision of a world where listening is valued and taught as a core skill, from early childhood to leadership positions. They imagine schools teaching listening alongside reading, parents and leaders modeling listening to children and people, respectively, and media platforms creating 'listen shows' instead of just talk shows. The speaker believes that a culture of listening could prevent conflicts before they arise and improve relationships, families, workplaces, and even international relations. They conclude by inviting the audience to start a chain reaction of listening, beginning with their next conversation, emphasizing the transformative power of simply being fully present and attentive to one another.