How to Connect With Kids: 3 Principles from a Principal | James Cowper | TEDxWindsor

TEDx Talks
24 Jun 201915:37
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRIn this insightful talk, the speaker emphasizes the importance of staying connected with children through three key principles: being playful, present, and a coach. He shares anecdotes from his experiences as an educator to illustrate the value of fostering a safe, engaging environment that encourages learning through play and connection, rather than strict rules and fear. By listening attentively and guiding children through their mistakes, adults can build trust and help them grow into responsible individuals.

Takeaways
  • 🌟 The importance of staying connected with children is emphasized, as it is crucial in both educational and familial environments.
  • 👶 The speaker shares personal experiences of working with children since his own childhood, highlighting the lessons learned from these interactions.
  • 🏫 The script discusses the desire of children for connection, using the example of teenagers' use of social media as a metaphor for their need for social interaction.
  • 📚 The speaker's daughter's multitasking with technology while doing homework illustrates how today's kids are more connected than ever before.
  • 🎈 Three principles for staying connected with children are presented: being playful, being present, and being a coach.
  • 🚫 The speaker criticizes the overuse of rules in play, suggesting that they can hinder learning and creativity.
  • 🏀 The school environment described promotes freedom of choice during recess, allowing children to engage in various activities that interest them.
  • 🌲 The forest, once a forbidden zone, becomes a place for learning and play, demonstrating a shift in the approach to safety and exploration.
  • 👂 The value of truly listening to children is highlighted, with the speaker sharing personal stories of improved relationships through being present and attentive.
  • 🤝 The concept of 'interested neutrality' is introduced as a way to respond to children's sharing of personal experiences without judgment.
  • 🔧 The speaker advocates for a coaching approach with children who make mistakes, focusing on helping them learn from and move past their errors.
Q & A

  • What is the main theme of the speaker's presentation?

    -The main theme of the speaker's presentation is the importance of staying connected with children through playfulness, presence, and coaching.

  • What does the speaker believe is the most important aspect of connecting with kids in schools and at home?

    -The speaker believes that staying connected with kids is the most important aspect, emphasizing the need to be playful, present, and act as a coach.

  • What did the speaker learn from danah boyd's work 'It's Complicated' about teens and social media?

    -The speaker learned that most teens are not addicted to social media itself, but rather to the connections and relationships they have with each other.

  • Can you describe the speaker's observation of his daughter's study habits involving technology?

    -The speaker observed that his daughter uses multiple devices simultaneously for different tasks, such as watching TV shows on her laptop, using a science textbook for an experiment, and FaceTiming with her friend while doing homework.

  • What is the speaker's view on the traditional rules of play for children?

    -The speaker believes that traditional rules of play can often hinder learning and that play should be a safe space for children to learn from consequences and have fun.

  • How did the speaker change the approach to school rules and play in his school?

    -The speaker eliminated the long lists of rules and instead fostered an environment where play is encouraged and learning occurs naturally through engagement.

  • What is the significance of the forest in the school's story?

    -The forest, traditionally a restricted area due to perceived dangers, became a place where the students wanted to learn and play. The speaker's leadership allowed this to happen, respecting the students' desires and voices.

  • How does the speaker describe his relationship with his 15-year-old daughter, Zoey?

    -The speaker describes a strained relationship with his daughter, where she initially stopped talking to him because she felt he wasn't truly listening. Through being present and attentive, their relationship improved.

  • What is the speaker's approach to dealing with students who have made mistakes?

    -The speaker uses a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, restorative practices, co-active coaching, and natural consequences to help students own, fix, and learn from their mistakes.

  • What is the speaker's advice for adults on how to connect with kids?

    -The speaker advises adults to be playful, present, and act as coaches rather than controllers, focusing on building trust and understanding through patience and connection.

  • How does the speaker use technology and innovation in his approach to education?

    -The speaker incorporates technology like 3D printers and online devices into the learning environment but emphasizes that his main innovation is staying connected with the kids, regardless of the tools used.

Outlines
00:00
😀 Embracing Playfulness in Education

The speaker, Carol Wang, shares her experiences and insights on the importance of playfulness in connecting with children. She emphasizes the need to let go of rigid rules and allow children to learn through play, as it fosters a safe environment for exploration and learning. Her son's experience at a town dance, where arbitrary rules were in place, contrasts with her approach at school, where she encourages a more relaxed and playful atmosphere. The speaker also highlights the value of being present and engaged with children, rather than simply being physically present.

05:02
🤔 The Power of Presence and Listening

In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the concept of being truly present with children, using his relationship with his daughter, Zoey, as an example. He explains how simply being there and listening to children can greatly improve the connection with them. The speaker also shares anecdotes from his work with children of various ages, illustrating how being attentive to their concerns and stories, even the most personal ones, builds trust and understanding. He advocates for 'interested neutrality' when responding to children's disclosures, which helps them feel heard and valued.

10:05
🛠 Coaching Kids Through Mistakes

The speaker outlines his approach to helping children navigate their mistakes, likening it to a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy, restorative practices, and co-active coaching. He stresses the importance of trust in the relationship with children and how his role is to assist them in owning, fixing, and moving on from their errors. The speaker also touches on the challenges of teaching accountability and the importance of patience, understanding, and connection, rather than relying on authority or age.

15:06
🎭 Staying Connected Through Play, Presence, and Coaching

Concluding the talk, the speaker reflects on his journey of staying connected with kids through three main principles: being playful, being present, and being a coach. He humorously mentions giving up his polkadot underwear as a symbol of his commitment to understanding and connecting with children. The speaker challenges the audience to adopt these principles in their interactions with children, encouraging a less judgmental and more supportive approach to help kids learn and grow.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Connection
Connection refers to the relationship or link between people, in this case, between adults and children. The video emphasizes the importance of maintaining and fostering these connections to understand and support children better. The speaker mentions that children crave connections, as evidenced by their behavior in the mall and their use of technology to stay virtually connected with friends, even when they are physically apart.
💡Playful
Being playful is about engaging in activities that are light-hearted, fun, and not overly serious. The video suggests that adults should adopt a more playful attitude when interacting with children to create a safe space for learning and exploration. The speaker uses the example of his son attending town dances and the school's approach to recess, where rules are simplified, and play is encouraged, to illustrate the concept of being playful.
💡Present
Being present means being fully attentive and engaged in the current moment, especially when interacting with children. The video discusses the importance of active listening and being there for children, as demonstrated by the speaker's improved relationship with his daughter after spending silent mornings together driving to school. This keyword is central to the theme of truly understanding and supporting children.
💡Coach
A coach in the context of this video is someone who guides, supports, and helps others improve their skills or behaviors. The speaker advocates for adopting a coaching role with children, focusing on helping them learn from their mistakes rather than punishing them. The concept is illustrated through the speaker's approach to dealing with children who have made mistakes, emphasizing trust and learning from experiences.
💡Mistakes
Mistakes are errors or incorrect actions. The video discusses how children, as well as adults, make mistakes and that these should be viewed as opportunities for learning and growth. The speaker shares examples of children coming to him with various issues and how he helps them navigate through their troubles, using mistakes as a basis for coaching and learning.
💡Rules
Rules are principles or regulations that dictate behavior. The video critiques the overuse of rules in play and learning environments, suggesting that they can inhibit natural learning and exploration. The speaker contrasts traditional rule-heavy school environments with his school's simplified approach, where rules are minimized to encourage play and learning.
💡Safety
Safety refers to the state of being protected from harm or danger. The video argues against the traditional approach of using threats and fear to ensure safety, instead advocating for a safe space created through play and understanding. The speaker believes that safety can be maintained without resorting to intimidation, as seen in his school's approach to allowing children to explore the forest.
💡Listening
Listening is the act of paying attention to and understanding what someone is saying. The video emphasizes the importance of truly listening to children, which involves being present and responsive. The speaker shares personal anecdotes about how listening has improved his relationship with his daughter and has allowed him to better support children at school.
💡Teens
Teens, short for teenagers, are individuals in their adolescence. The video discusses the unique social dynamics and behaviors of teens, particularly their use of social media and technology to connect with each other. The speaker references danah boyd's work to highlight that teens are not addicted to social media itself but to the social connections it facilitates.
💡Educational Environment
The educational environment refers to the setting in which learning takes place. The video critiques traditional educational environments that are overly restrictive and instead promotes an environment that encourages play, exploration, and connection. The speaker describes his school's approach to creating a more open and engaging educational environment, including allowing children to play in the forest and participate in various clubs.
💡Innovation
Innovation in the context of this video refers to new ideas or methods for improving the educational experience for children. The speaker discusses his innovative approach to education, which includes eliminating traditional student handbooks, introducing new activities like archery and tree forts, and focusing on maintaining connections with children. Innovation is presented as a means to enhance learning and engagement.
Highlights

Kids crave connections and are more connected today than they've ever been.

Be playful, present, and a coach to stay connected with kids.

Play is a safe space for kids to learn from consequences and have fun.

Create opportunities for playful interactions with children.

Recess at school allows children to choose their activities, fostering engagement and learning.

Engaging in playful activities like shooting baskets and playing air guitar helps build connections.

The forest, previously off-limits, is now a place for learning and play.

Listening to kids means being present and in the moment with them.

Building trust with children involves showing interested neutrality and being non-judgmental.

Helping kids through their mistakes is more effective than shaming or punishing them.

Combining cognitive behavioral therapy, restorative practices, and co-active coaching helps children own and learn from their mistakes.

Credibility with kids is based on patience, understanding, and connections, not age or authority.

Emphasize coaching over control to foster trust and accountability in children.

The importance of being a little more coach and a little less control freak.

Be playful, present, and a coach to effectively connect and guide children.

Transcripts

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Playful LearningChild ConnectionParenting TipsEducational InsightsYouth EngagementSchool EnvironmentTeen AddictionSocial MediaMistake ManagementCognitive Coaching