Reading Body Language | Janine Driver | TEDxDeerPark

TEDx Talks

13 Sept 201927:35

EducationalLearning

32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRIn this insightful presentation, Janine Driver shares her expertise in body language, a skill she honed while working in law enforcement to detect illegal firearms trafficking. She reveals how understanding non-verbal cues, which she refers to as 'Everyone's Second Language' (ESL), can profoundly impact personal and professional relationships. Driver illustrates her points with real-life examples, including the case of Chris Watts, a man accused of murdering his family, and her own experiences with her mother's health crisis. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing signs of deception, such as 'I blocking' and 'lip-locking,' to uncover hidden truths and support those in need. By mastering ESL, Driver argues, we can improve our communication, detect deception, and foster deeper connections with others.

Takeaways

🔍 **Understanding Body Language**: The speaker's expertise in decoding body language, initially developed for law enforcement, has broader applications in personal and professional life.
👀 **Seeing the Signs**: Just as the speaker couldn't read street signs due to night blindness, there are signs in human behavior that indicate hidden messages or deception.
🤝 **ESL - Everyone's Second Language**: The concept of ESL (Everyone's Second Language) refers to the non-verbal cues and body language that everyone uses to communicate, often unconsciously.
📈 **Professional Application**: The speaker's training in body language analysis has made her a better business owner and negotiator by recognizing hidden cues in others.
👶 **Family Dynamics**: The speaker uses her understanding of ESL to navigate family interactions, such as discerning when her son is upset for reasons other than what he is expressing.
🚫 **I-Blocking**: A specific body language cue where individuals close their eyes or obstruct their face, which can indicate they are hiding something or not wanting to engage visually.
🤔 **Shoulder Shrugging**: This gesture often signifies uncertainty or a lack of commitment, which can be a telltale sign of deception or hidden intentions.
😷 **Lip Locking**: When people pull their lips in, it can be a sign that they are reacting negatively to something they see or hear without verbally expressing their displeasure.
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 **Human Connection**: By understanding ESL, one can have more meaningful and empathetic interactions with others, leading to stronger relationships.
🚨 **Detecting Deception**: The speaker's analysis of Chris Watts' behavior on social media, using her ESL skills, led her to predict his guilt before his confession, highlighting the power of body language in uncovering the truth.
💪 **Empowering Others**: The speaker encourages the audience to use their understanding of ESL to stand up for truth, protect their ideas, and support others who may be struggling to communicate their true feelings.

Q & A

What was the speaker's job with the federal government?
-The speaker worked with a three-lettered agency in law enforcement, specializing in firearms trafficking, specifically identifying illegal gun sales to minors, convicted felons, and other dangerous individuals.
How did the speaker's training in decoding body language affect their personal life?
-The speaker's training in decoding the body language of murderers led to personal benefits such as becoming a better business owner, negotiator, daughter, and mother, which was unexpected during their early career.
Why did the speaker take a stand-up comedy class?
-The speaker took a stand-up comedy class to have funny friends and to be around people who thought they were funny, as a way to counterbalance the negative impact of their job that involved constantly looking for the bad in people.
What is the metaphor of night blindness that the speaker uses to describe their life?
-The metaphor of night blindness is used to describe the ability to see signs or indicators of something without being able to read the specifics, symbolizing the ability to sense but not fully understand certain situations in life.
What does the speaker refer to as 'ESL'?
-The speaker refers to 'ESL' as 'Everyone's Second Language', which is about understanding the hidden messages and body language cues that people communicate without realizing.
How did the speaker's analysis of Chris Watts' body language play out?
-The speaker analyzed Chris Watts' body language by looking for signs of fear and sadness, which were absent, and instead noted signs of anger, disgust, and happiness. This led to the conclusion that Chris Watts was hiding a major secret, which later turned out to be his involvement in the deaths of his wife and daughters.
What is 'I Blocking' in the context of body language?
-'I Blocking' is a defensive body language behavior where a person avoids eye contact or hides their eyes for an extended period, often signaling that they are withholding information or trying to keep a secret.
What is the significance of the speaker's mother's story in the context of the talk?
-The speaker's mother's story is used to illustrate the power of understanding 'ESL' to uncover hidden truths and emotions. It demonstrates how recognizing certain body language cues can lead to deeper understanding and support for loved ones.
What are the three key aspects of body language that the speaker focuses on?
-The three key aspects of body language the speaker focuses on are 'I Blocking', shoulder shrugging, and lip-locking, all of which are indicators of hidden messages or deception.
How does the speaker encourage the audience to use their understanding of 'ESL'?
-The speaker encourages the audience to use their understanding of 'ESL' to detect deception, find truth, protect their ideas, and help others by uncovering the secrets they may be hiding due to fear, stress, or anxiety.
What is the main takeaway from the speaker's story about her son Angus?
-The main takeaway is that understanding 'ESL' can lead to more empathetic and effective communication, especially in personal relationships. By recognizing Angus's 'I Blocking', the speaker was able to have a meaningful conversation with him, uncovering his true feelings and addressing his concerns.

Outlines

00:00

🕵️‍♀️ Decoding Body Language: From Law Enforcement to Life Skills

The speaker begins by sharing their background in law enforcement, where they specialized in identifying illegal firearms trafficking by decoding the body language of criminals. Unexpectedly, these skills have translated into personal growth, making them a better business owner, negotiator, daughter, and mother. The speaker also recounts a personal anecdote about night blindness and how it served as a metaphor for recognizing signs in life that something may be amiss, even if the specifics are unclear.

05:02

📈 The Power of Nonverbal Communication: 'ESL' as a Life Tool

The speaker introduces the concept of 'ESL', or Everyone's Second Language, which refers to the nonverbal cues and body language that everyone uses to communicate. They discuss how understanding these cues can lead to better outcomes in various aspects of life, including work and personal relationships. The speaker also recounts their analysis of a high-profile case involving Chris Watts, demonstrating how the lack of certain emotional cues in his body language indicated deception.

10:03

👀 The Tell-Tale Signs: Recognizing 'I-Blocking' and Other Key Behaviors

The speaker delves into specific nonverbal behaviors, such as 'I-blocking', where individuals shield their eyes or face, which can indicate they are withholding information or feeling uncomfortable. The speaker provides examples from various contexts, including personal anecdotes and high-profile cases, to illustrate how these behaviors can be indicative of hidden truths or deception.

15:04

🤔 Shoulder Shrugging and Lip-Locking: Signals of Uncertainty and Discomfort

The speaker continues to explore nonverbal cues, focusing on shoulder shrugging and lip-locking as indicators of uncertainty or discomfort. They provide examples of how these behaviors can be missed or misinterpreted, leading to misunderstandings or missed opportunities. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing and understanding these cues to improve communication and relationships.

20:05

😔 The Impact of Understanding ESL: Personal Stories and Life-Changing Conversations

The speaker shares personal stories that highlight the impact of understanding ESL. They recount a situation with their son, Angus, where recognizing his body language allowed for a deeper, more empathetic conversation. They also share a poignant story about their mother's health, where understanding her nonverbal cues led to a critical medical discovery. These stories illustrate the profound effect that recognizing and responding to nonverbal communication can have on personal relationships and outcomes.

25:06

🚨 The Challenge of Using ESL: Detecting Deception and Supporting Others

In the concluding paragraph, the speaker challenges the audience to use their understanding of ESL to detect deception, find truth, and protect their ideas. They encourage the use of ESL to support others who may be experiencing fear, stress, or anxiety, which can manifest as anger. The speaker emphasizes the importance of standing for truth and the potential for everyone to have more wins in life, love, and work by being attentive to the nonverbal cues of others.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Body Language

Body language refers to the non-verbal cues and signals that individuals use to express thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. In the context of the video, it is a crucial tool for understanding the hidden messages behind people's actions, especially in detecting deception or underlying emotions. The speaker uses her expertise in decoding body language to analyze various scenarios, including high-stakes situations like murder investigations and personal interactions, to reveal truths that are not explicitly expressed verbally.

💡Deception

Deception refers to the act of misleading or lying to others, often with the intent to conceal the truth. In the video, the speaker discusses how understanding body language can help detect deception by identifying inconsistencies between verbal statements and non-verbal cues. She provides examples of how certain body language patterns, such as eye blocking and shoulder shrugging, can indicate that a person is hiding something or being untruthful.

💡Emotions

Emotions are complex psychological states that involve a mix of feelings, physiological responses, and behavioral expressions. The video emphasizes the importance of recognizing and interpreting emotions through body language. The speaker explains that emotions such as fear, sadness, and anger can be identified not only through verbal communication but also through non-verbal cues, which can reveal a person's true state of mind. Understanding emotions is key to decoding body language and can lead to better personal and professional relationships.

💡Training

Training in the video refers to the process of learning and developing skills, particularly in the area of body language analysis and interpretation. The speaker's background in law enforcement and her work with the federal government provided her with specialized training to spot patterns of behavior related to firearms trafficking. This training equipped her with the ability to decode body language, which she later applied in various aspects of her life, including business and personal relationships.

💡Murderers

In the context of the video, murderers are individuals who have committed the act of unlawfully killing another person. The speaker uses her experience in studying the body language of murderers to illustrate how decoding non-verbal cues can provide insights into a person's intentions and emotional state. This concept is central to the video's theme, as it demonstrates the practical applications of understanding body language in real-world situations, including law enforcement and personal safety.

💡ESL (Everyone's Second Language)

ESL, or Everyone's Second Language, is a term coined by the speaker to describe the universal non-verbal communication cues that everyone exhibits. It encompasses the body language signals that reveal a person's true thoughts, feelings, and intentions, often independently of their spoken language. The concept of ESL is central to the video's message, as it highlights the importance of being able to read and interpret these non-verbal signals in various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional settings.

💡Fear

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat or danger. In the video, the speaker discusses how fear can manifest in body language, even when it is not explicitly expressed verbally. Recognizing signs of fear can provide valuable insights into a person's true feelings and state of mind. The ability to identify fear in others is a key aspect of understanding body language and can be crucial in various situations, from personal interactions to crisis management.

💡Interpretation

Interpretation in the context of the video refers to the process of analyzing and assigning meaning to body language cues and non-verbal signals. The speaker emphasizes the importance of interpretation in understanding the hidden messages and emotions that people convey through their body language. This skill is essential for detecting deception, understanding underlying feelings, and improving communication in both personal and professional settings.

💡Law Enforcement

Law enforcement refers to the activities and responsibilities of government agencies and officials charged with maintaining law and order, preventing and investigating crimes, and protecting the rights and safety of citizens. In the video, the speaker's background in law enforcement is highlighted as the foundation for her expertise in decoding body language, particularly in identifying patterns of behavior related to illegal activities such as firearms trafficking.

💡Personal Growth

Personal growth refers to the process of self-improvement and development, encompassing the enhancement of one's abilities, understanding, and emotional intelligence. In the video, the speaker discusses how her training in body language and her work in law enforcement contributed to her personal growth. She explains that the skills she acquired have not only made her a better business owner and negotiator but also a better daughter and mother, illustrating how personal growth can extend beyond professional development to impact all areas of one's life.

💡Truth

Truth refers to the state or quality of being in accordance with fact or reality. In the context of the video, the speaker emphasizes the importance of uncovering the truth through the interpretation of body language. By recognizing the non-verbal cues that contradict or supplement verbal communication, one can discern the true feelings, thoughts, or intentions of an individual. The pursuit of truth is central to the video's message, as it highlights the value of understanding body language in various situations, from criminal investigations to everyday interactions.

Highlights

The speaker learned to decode body language of murderers while working in law enforcement to identify illegal firearms trafficking.

Decoding murderers' body language helped the speaker become a better business owner, negotiator, daughter, and mother.

The speaker used to work at the World Trade Center in NYC, but looking for the bad in people took a toll on her soul.

Taking a stand-up comedy class led to a realization about seeing signs in life but not being able to read them clearly.

The speaker's training gave her a 'pair of glasses' to see hidden messages in people's body language.

She calls body language 'Everyone's Second Language (ESL)' that can be learned and used to understand others better.

The speaker analyzed the case of Chris Watts, a man accused of killing his pregnant wife and daughters, by decoding his body language.

Chris Watts displayed missing fear and sadness, and instead showed disgust, anger and happiness in interviews, signaling deception.

Within hours of her analysis, Chris Watts confessed to killing his family, validating the speaker's interpretation of his body language.

ESL can help detect deception, find the truth, and uncover hidden secrets people are concealing.

The speaker trained the CIA, FBI, Scotland Yard, and major corporations like Procter & Gamble and Coca-Cola in ESL.

She explains 3 key aspects of ESL - I-Blocking (avoiding eye contact), Shoulder Shrugging (displaying uncertainty), and Lip-Locking (disappearing lips).

I-Blocking is when people avoid eye contact to hide something, similar to putting a passcode on your phone.

Shoulder shrugging is a clear signal of uncertainty or deception, as seen in interviews with suspects like Drew Peterson.

Lip-Locking, where lips disappear, is a sign of disliking or rejecting something, seen with murderers like Chris Watts and Jodi Arias.

The speaker's mother hid her throat cancer diagnosis, but her lip-lock and secondary emotions of anger revealed the truth.

Understanding ESL can lead to deeper connections, uncover hidden fears and emotions, and help people in need.

The speaker challenges everyone to learn and use ESL to detect deception, find truth, protect ideas, and help others.

Transcripts

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Related Tags

Body Language Deception Detection Truth Finding Communication Skills Human Behavior Law Enforcement Murderers' Signals Eye Blocking Shoulder Shrugging Lip Locking TEDx Talk Personal Growth Professional Development Emotional Intelligence Interpersonal Relations Conflict Resolution Criminal Psychology Nonverbal Cues Persuasion Techniques