Bob Sutton: How to Outwit Workplace Jerks [Entire Talk]

The speaker begins by greeting the audience and referencing the long-standing STVP series, acknowledging that this might be his fifth or sixth talk. He humorously discusses his unexpected journey into writing about 'assholes', initially through a Harvard Business Review article titled 'More Trouble Than They're Worth'. The article was inspired by a 'no asshole' rule in a department of Industrial Engineering and his wife's experiences managing partners in a law firm. The talk is set to delve into the dynamics of dealing with difficult individuals, as the speaker has received numerous emails seeking advice on the matter. Despite having a Ph.D. in psychology, he modestly suggests that the audience can judge his effectiveness in addressing the issue.

The speaker reflects on the surprising response to his work on organizational culture, which inadvertently led to a focus on dealing with difficult people. He discusses the market's demand for advice on managing 'assholes', as evidenced by the influx of emails and messages he continues to receive. The anecdotes shared range from CEOs dealing with 'douche-boards' to ministers managing mean parishioners. A particularly poignant example is a young lawyer clerking for a temperamental judge, which highlights the serious impact of such behavior on mental health and well-being. The speaker also mentions the work of an editorial cartoonist, David Wilson, who contributed to the first book, illustrating the hostile work environments that can lead to anxiety and other issues.

The speaker shifts to discuss the academic interest in the topic of workplace hostility, citing approximately 200,000 peer-reviewed papers on various aspects of negative behavior in the workplace over the last decade. He notes the growth of academic research in areas such as air rage, verbal aggression, and abusive supervision, and how this has led to tenure for several academics. The speaker also highlights a tweet by William Gibson that humorously suggests considering one's environment before self-diagnosing with depression or low self-esteem, reflecting the impact of negative interpersonal dynamics.

The speaker delves into the effects of being surrounded by hostile individuals, referencing academic literature that shows links to anxiety, depression, and physical health problems, including an increased likelihood of fatal heart attacks for those with abusive supervisors. He emphasizes the contagious nature of negative emotions and the tendency for 'assholes' to hire and surround themselves with similar individuals, exacerbating the issue. The speaker also discusses the importance of distinguishing between temporary and certified 'assholes', and the different approaches needed for each type.

The speaker offers guidelines for dealing with hostile individuals, emphasizing the importance of crafting personalized strategies due to the complexity of real-life situations. He suggests considering factors such as the duration of the interaction, the power dynamics, and the number of hostile individuals involved. The speaker also stresses the importance of self-assessment to determine the level of personal suffering and the appropriate level of response, advocating for a cautious approach to labeling others as 'jerks'.

The speaker discusses the option of quitting a toxic work environment, using the example of JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater who famously left his job in a dramatic fashion. He advises caution, however, to avoid burning bridges and to consider the long-term implications on one's career. The speaker also highlights the importance of distinguishing between temporary and certified 'assholes' when deciding whether to stay or leave a situation. He emphasizes the need for a strategic approach to quitting, considering factors such as the potential benefits of enduring the situation or the high costs of quitting.

The speaker explores the impact of power dynamics on addressing hostile behavior, noting that those in higher positions have more leeway to take action against 'assholes'. He discusses the importance of having a support system or 'posse' when confronting bullies, as well as the value of documentation in such situations. The speaker also touches on the potential for using humor to diffuse tension and the benefits of having a boss who can protect employees from abusive behavior.

The speaker introduces strategies from cognitive behavioral therapy to help individuals cope with hostile situations. He discusses the importance of changing one's perception of a situation to reduce its emotional impact, using the example of Becky Margiotta who reframed her experience at West Point by viewing her tormentors as comedians. The speaker also suggests strategies such as empathy for the aggressor, rising above the situation, and using humor as a coping mechanism.

The speaker outlines defensive and assertive tactics for dealing with hostile individuals, emphasizing the importance of understanding one's power within a situation. He discusses the potential for using evidence and collective action to confront bullies effectively. The speaker also highlights the value of backstage conversations with those who may not realize the negative impact of their behavior, as well as the use of humor and cognitive dissonance to turn adversaries into allies.

The speaker addresses the role of leaders in curbing hostile behavior, citing examples of CEOs who have implemented 'no asshole' rules within their companies. He discusses the importance of not rewarding high-performing but hostile individuals and the potential for leaders to model positive behavior. The speaker also touches on the concept of 'toxic enablers' who may inadvertently support negative behavior by cleaning up after 'assholes' and suggests that individuals should strive to be part of the solution rather than contributing to the problem.

The speaker reflects on the societal factors contributing to hostile behavior, including the influence of online interactions and the modeling of poor behavior by leaders in various sectors. He suggests that society may be at a peak in terms of 'asshole' behavior but also acknowledges the presence of countervailing forces, such as increased awareness and the potential for positive change. The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of personal responsibility in addressing and reducing hostile behavior.

In the final segment, the speaker addresses the question of balancing cultural differences when determining if someone is an 'asshole'. He reiterates his definition of an 'asshole' as someone who leaves others feeling demeaned, deenergized, and disrespected. The speaker acknowledges that cultural backgrounds and personal sensitivities can influence perceptions and emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility in ensuring one's own behavior does not contribute to a negative environment.