How Five Simple Words Can Get You What You Want | Janine Driver | TEDxHardingU

TEDx Talks
10 Jan 201923:52
EducationalLearning
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TLDRIn this motivational speech, the speaker uses the metaphor of a paper ketchup cup to illustrate the concept of untapped potential. She explains that just as the ketchup cup can be expanded to hold more than it seems, people often have more potential than they realize or are willing to utilize. The speaker introduces three key words: 'decided,' 'the ly words' (typically, usually, normally, etc.), and 'because.' She emphasizes that 'decided' does not always mean a decision has been executed, creating an opportunity for change. The 'ly words' are seen as qualifiers that can be challenged, and 'because' is a powerful word that can unlock opportunities when used effectively. Through personal stories and interactive exercises, the speaker encourages the audience to recognize and act on these words in their own lives to achieve their goals and dreams.

Takeaways
  • ๐Ÿ“ˆ **Potential Unleashed**: The story of the paper ketchup cup illustrates the idea that everyone has untapped potential that can be realized with the right approach.
  • ๐Ÿง **Attention to Detail**: The made-up statistic serves as a reminder to pay attention to what is being communicated, as there might be hidden messages or opportunities.
  • ๐Ÿค” **Challenge the Status Quo**: The speaker encourages the audience to question the norm and not be afraid to challenge the status quo to reach their full potential.
  • ๐Ÿ’ก **Decision-Making Process**: The three stages of decision-makingโ€”research, reasoning, and resultโ€”are crucial for understanding how and why we make the choices we do.
  • โฐ **Timing is Key**: The importance of timing in decision-making is highlighted, as decisions are not always final and can be influenced by circumstances.
  • ๐Ÿ“‰ **The Power of 'Decide'**: The word 'decide' is not synonymous with action; it's the beginning of a process that can be changed or influenced.
  • ๐Ÿ” **Ly Words as Indicators**: Words ending in 'ly' like 'usually', 'normally', and 'typically' can signal flexibility and the potential for change or negotiation.
  • ๐Ÿค **Negotiation Tactics**: Using 'because' effectively in negotiations can lead to desired outcomes by providing a rationale that supports a different course of action.
  • ๐Ÿ‘ช **Personal Stories**: Sharing personal experiences, such as the struggle with infertility, can help to connect with an audience and illustrate the application of the concepts discussed.
  • ๐ŸŒŸ **Leverage Your Uniqueness**: Emphasizes the importance of recognizing and leveraging what makes you different, which can be a key factor in achieving your goals.
  • โœˆ๏ธ **Travel as a Metaphor**: The speaker's experience with frequent travel is used as a metaphor for life's journey and the various decisions and opportunities that arise along the way.
Q & A
  • What is the significance of the paper ketchup cup in the transcript?

    -The paper ketchup cup is used as a metaphor for untapped potential. It suggests that just like the cup, which can expand when its folds are opened, people have potential that is often not fully realized or recognized.

  • What is the statistic mentioned about paper ketchup cups that the speaker claims is made up?

    -The speaker claims that less than 1% of paper ketchup cups ever reach their full potential. This statistic is stated to be made up to grab the audience's attention and illustrate the concept of untapped potential.

  • What are the three stages of decision-making mentioned in the transcript?

    -The three stages of decision-making mentioned are research, reasoning, and result. Research involves gathering information, reasoning is where one evaluates and makes judgments, and the result is the final decision made.

  • What does the speaker mean by 'deciding' does not always mean executed on?

    -The speaker is emphasizing that the act of deciding on something does not necessarily mean that the decision will be acted upon or followed through. It is a step in the process that can be changed or reconsidered.

  • What is the role of the word 'because' in the context of decision-making?

    -The word 'because' is presented as a powerful tool in decision-making and negotiation. It provides a reason for a decision, making it more persuasive and influential. It can help to open up possibilities and negotiate better outcomes.

  • How does the speaker use her personal experience with infertility to illustrate a point about decision-making?

    -The speaker uses her personal struggle with infertility and the decision to use an egg donor as an example of how the word 'decided' can be a starting point for further negotiation and exploration of options. It led to her questioning the protocol and finding an alternative solution that allowed her to have more children.

  • What is the 'becoz challenge' mentioned by the speaker?

    -The 'becoz challenge' is a strategy the speaker uses with her clients. It involves using the word 'because' to challenge and potentially change decisions that have been made using the word 'decided' or the 'ly' words, which can indicate flexibility or room for negotiation.

  • What is the importance of recognizing 'ly' words in conversations?

    -Recognizing 'ly' words such as 'typically', 'usually', or 'normally' can indicate that there may be exceptions to the statements being made. These words can signal that there is room for negotiation or that the speaker may be open to hearing counterarguments or alternative suggestions.

  • How does the speaker's experience with her high school reunion demonstrate the power of persistence and the word 'because'?

    -The speaker's friend, Carrie Chasen, uses persistence and the word 'because' to convince the speaker to attend their high school reunion. By listing reasons and creating a sense of urgency and importance, Carrie successfully persuades the speaker to change her initial decision.

  • What is the speaker's rule of thumb for evaluating whether to push for something she wants?

    -The speaker's rule of thumb is to consider whether not fighting for what she wants at the moment will affect someone else in her life. If it could impact others, she is more likely to push the boundaries and negotiate for what she desires.

  • How does the speaker use the metaphor of a closet door that's 98% closed to explain the concept of untapped potential?

    -The metaphor of a closet door that's 98% closed with something sticking out represents the small percentage of untapped potential that is visible but not fully utilized. The speaker suggests that with effort (like opening the closet door wider), one can access and utilize this potential.

Outlines
00:00
๐ŸŸ Unleashing Potential with 'Decidedly Because'

The speaker uses the metaphor of a paper ketchup cup to illustrate the concept of untapped potential. They explain that the cup can expand to three times its size if you unfold its hidden folds, which is similar to how people can achieve more if they recognize and act on their potential. The speaker introduces three powerful words: 'decided,' 'the ly words' (typically, usually, normally, etc.), and 'because,' which can change the outcome of situations if used effectively. They share personal stories and interactive exercises to demonstrate how these words can influence decision-making and help individuals and companies achieve their goals.

05:02
๐Ÿ’‰ Overcoming Obstacles with 'Decided' and 'Because'

The speaker recounts their experience with infertility and the emotional toll of treatment, including the use of large needles for injections. They discuss how the word 'decided' can be a turning point in decision-making, as it implies there is room for change or negotiation. The speaker emphasizes the importance of not giving up on dreams and using the word 'because' to justify and support decisions that lead to desired outcomes. They also delve into the concept of decision-making in a corporate context, highlighting the need for motivation and the common stages of decision-making.

10:04
๐Ÿ›’ The Three Stages of Decision-Making

The speaker outlines the three stages of decision-making: research, reasoning, and result. Using the example of shopping at a grocery store, they explain how each stage plays a role in the decision-making process. They focus on the reasoning stage, where the words 'decided' and 'because' can be particularly influential. The speaker suggests that recognizing these words can help individuals push for what they want and uncover opportunities that may initially seem unavailable. They also discuss the concept of 'wiggle words' and how they can be used to create uncertainty and open up possibilities.

15:04
๐Ÿšช Pushing Boundaries with 'Ly Words' and 'Because'

The speaker uses the analogy of a closet door that doesn't close completely due to an object in the way to illustrate the concept of 'ly words' (like 'normally' or 'usually') and 'decided.' These words, they explain, are like the small openings that suggest there might be more to a situation. The speaker encourages listeners to use the word 'because' to ask questions and challenge assumptions, creating opportunities for negotiation and change. They share a real-life negotiation example and an exercise to practice using 'ly words' in conversation to create confusion and open up dialogue.

20:05
๐ŸŽ‰ The Power of Persistence and 'Because'

The speaker concludes with personal anecdotes about the power of persistence and using 'because' to achieve goals. They share a story about attending their high school reunion after being persuaded by a persistent friend and how a child's continuous requests for ice cream can wear down a parent's resistance. The speaker introduces the 'becoz challenge,' encouraging listeners to use 'because' when they hear 'decided' or 'ly words' to negotiate better outcomes. They recount a successful application of this strategy in a professional context and end with a reflection on their own journey of realizing a dream of having three children, emphasizing the importance of pushing boundaries and using the right words to achieve one's desires.

Mindmap
Keywords
๐Ÿ’กPotential
Potential refers to the inherent qualities or abilities that are not yet developed or utilized. In the video, the concept of untapped potential is used metaphorically to describe the unexplored or underutilized abilities within individuals. The speaker encourages the audience to recognize and act on their potential, much like unfolding the paper ketchup cup to its full size.
๐Ÿ’กDecision-making
Decision-making is the cognitive process of selecting a course of action from multiple alternatives. The video emphasizes the importance of understanding and influencing the decision-making process, both in personal and professional contexts. It is central to the theme of recognizing opportunities and taking action to achieve desired outcomes.
๐Ÿ’กLy words
Ly words, such as 'usually,' 'normally,' and 'typically,' are used in the video to represent qualifiers that may hide opportunities or suggest that a situation is not open to change. The speaker advises the audience to be alert to these words as they may indicate a potential for negotiation or a chance to challenge the status quo.
๐Ÿ’กChallenge the status quo
Challenging the status quo means questioning and resisting the existing state of affairs. The video encourages viewers to not accept things as they are, but to seek change and improvement. This is linked to the idea of realizing one's potential and not being limited by current circumstances or expectations.
๐Ÿ’กMisconceptions
Misconceptions are incorrect or incomplete understandings about something. In the context of the video, the speaker uses the example of the paper ketchup cup to illustrate how people often misunderstand or underestimate what is possible, thereby missing out on opportunities to achieve more.
๐Ÿ’กInfertility
Infertility is the inability to conceive children after a year of unprotected intercourse. The speaker shares her personal experience with infertility and how it led to the discovery of alternative options like egg donation. This narrative is used to highlight resilience, exploration of options, and the pursuit of one's desires.
๐Ÿ’กEgg donor
An egg donor is a woman who donates her eggs for purposes such as fertility treatments. In the video, the concept of an egg donor is presented as a solution to the speaker's struggle with infertility, symbolizing the discovery of untapped potential and the possibility of overcoming obstacles.
๐Ÿ’กFertility nurse
A fertility nurse is a healthcare professional specializing in fertility medicine and treatments. In the video, the fertility nurse represents a source of information and guidance in the speaker's journey to have more children. The interaction with the fertility nurse is a pivotal moment that leads to the realization of the need to challenge decisions.
๐Ÿ’กFederal law enforcement
Federal law enforcement refers to the agencies and officers responsible for enforcing federal laws. The speaker's background in federal law enforcement with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms (ATF) is mentioned to establish credibility and to relate the concept of uncovering untapped potential within organizations to the theme of personal potential.
๐Ÿ’กConsulting
Consulting involves providing expert advice or services to organizations or individuals. The speaker's work as a consultant is highlighted to demonstrate the application of uncovering untapped potential in a professional setting, advising companies on how to find and utilize the hidden potential within their employees.
๐Ÿ’กNew Year's resolution
A New Year's resolution is a tradition in which a person resolves to continue good practices, change an undesired trait or behavior, or accomplish a personal goal at the beginning of a new year. The video uses the concept of New Year's resolutions to illustrate the common gap between decision and action, and to motivate the audience to follow through on their decisions.
Highlights

The concept of 'untapped potential' is introduced using a metaphor of a paper ketchup cup that can expand three times its size when unfolded.

The speaker uses a made-up statistic to grab the audience's attention, highlighting the power of storytelling in communication.

The importance of challenging the status quo and not conforming to what everyone else is doing is emphasized.

The speaker shares personal experiences with infertility and the emotional journey that led to the discovery of egg donation.

The idea that decisions are not always final actions is presented, using the word 'decided' to illustrate the potential for change.

A study from Scranton University is referenced, which found that only 8% of people achieve their New Year's resolutions.

The three stages of decision-making are outlined as research, reasoning, and result, with a focus on the reasoning stage where most influence can be applied.

The use of 'ly' words such as 'typically', 'usually', and 'normally' is discussed as a signal that there may be room for negotiation or change.

The speaker's personal rule of evaluating actions at the end of a week to ensure they align with personal goals and values is shared.

The 'becoz challenge' is introduced, encouraging the use of the word 'because' to negotiate better outcomes.

A real-life negotiation example is played from a client's video blog, demonstrating the practical application of the 'becoz challenge'.

The story of successfully advocating for an exception to medical guidelines using the 'because' strategy is shared.

The concept of 'wiggle words' is introduced, which are words that suggest flexibility or room for negotiation in a decision.

The power of persistence and asking questions is highlighted through personal anecdotes and the importance of not accepting the first answer.

The speaker's journey to have three children, despite initial setbacks, is detailed as a testament to the effectiveness of the strategies taught.

The 'ketchup cup' metaphor is tied back to the theme of potential and the importance of looking for opportunities to expand and grow.

The presentation concludes with an invitation for the audience to share their own 'ketchup cup' stories, encouraging active participation and reflection.

Transcripts
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