Relationships After Rape | Shelby St. Pierre | TEDxHamlineUniversity
TLDRThe speaker shares a deeply personal account of their experience with rape, emphasizing the importance of open dialogue and support for survivors. They discuss the lasting impact of the traumatic event on their life and relationships, highlighting the struggle with denial, shame, and the development of anxiety, depression, and PTSD. The speaker advocates for compassionate responses to disclosures of rape, stressing the need for belief, empathy, and professional help. They also explore the significance of self-care in healing and the various ways it can manifest, both emotionally and physically. The narrative underscores the complexity of trauma's daily effects on a survivor's life and the critical role of understanding and respect in aiding their recovery.
Takeaways
- 🗣️ It's important to use the word 'rape' in discussions to acknowledge the severity of the issue and promote positive change.
- 🌟 Support and understanding from others are crucial for a survivor's healing process after experiencing rape.
- 😔 The impact of rape is not limited to the survivor; it affects everyone around them, including friends and family.
- 🗣️ Believe the survivor when they share their story and avoid questions that may seem judgmental or invasive.
- 🤗 Empathy and sympathy are essential when interacting with a survivor; always seek consent before any form of touch.
- 🚫 Avoid victim-blaming or making the survivor feel responsible for the rape; this can lead to further trauma and self-blame.
- 🤲 Be patient and understanding if a survivor is not immediately ready to seek professional help; encourage them gently over time.
- 🧘♀️ Emotional self-care, including therapy, meditation, yoga, and writing, is vital for a survivor's mental health.
- 🏃♀️ Physical self-care, such as sleep, exercise, hydration, and nutrition, is also important for a survivor's well-being.
- 🤝 Respect the survivor's space and needs, which can vary; some may need solitude, while others may seek distraction.
- 💌 It's a significant act of trust when a survivor shares their trauma with you; respond with compassion and support.
- 📅 Recognizing and marking the anniversary of a traumatic event, like rape, can be a turning point towards empowerment and healing.
Q & A
Why does the speaker choose to use the word 'rape' throughout the talk?
-The speaker uses the word 'rape' to emphasize the severity and difficulty of the topic. It is a tough word to hear, reflecting the tough conversations that need to happen for positive change in society.
How does the speaker describe the immediate aftermath of her rape?
-The speaker describes feeling physically and emotionally disgusted with herself, finding deep, swollen bruises on her body, and experiencing a sense of denial and fear that no one would believe her.
What mental health issues were diagnosed as a result of the speaker's rape?
-The speaker was diagnosed with anxiety, severe depression, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as a result of her rape.
What is the impact of PTSD on the speaker's daily life?
-The speaker lives with the constant expectation of triggers at any time and place. These triggers can be a phrase, a smell, clothing, noises, or music that reminds her of the traumatic event.
How has the speaker's experience of rape affected her relationships?
-The experience has deeply affected all of the speaker's relationships. She struggles with social anxiety, fear of being touched, and has difficulty maintaining close connections with people.
What does the speaker suggest is a vital part of the healing process for a rape survivor?
-Self-care is vital, which can be broken down into emotional self-care, such as seeking professional help, meditation, yoga, and writing, and physical self-care, including getting enough sleep, exercise, water, and nutritious food.
How should one respond if a survivor comes to them and tells them they have been raped?
-The first step is to believe the survivor, avoid asking questions about the incident, and instead ask how you can help. Offer sympathy, empathy, and always seek the survivor's consent for any kind of touch.
Why is it important to respect a survivor's space and needs after they have opened up about their trauma?
-Respecting a survivor's space and needs is crucial because they have just shared a vulnerable part of their being with you. Their needs can vary, and it's important to support them in the way they find most helpful.
What is the significance of the month of April for the speaker?
-April marks the 4th year anniversary of the speaker's rape. It used to be a time of deep sadness and rage, but now, after giving this talk, it holds the possibility of being a time of empowerment and overcoming.
How does the speaker describe the initial reaction of friends after the rape incident?
-The speaker was unable to tell her friends about the incident that night due to fear and shame, and she felt that she was alone in her experience.
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What advice does the speaker give to people who want to support a rape survivor?
-The speaker advises to be compassionate, respectful, and to offer unconditional support. It's important to listen, believe the survivor, and encourage them to seek professional help without pressuring them.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of using the word 'rape'?
-The speaker emphasizes the word 'rape' to confront the harsh reality and seriousness of the act. It is meant to provoke thought and discussion, which are necessary for societal change and understanding.
Outlines
🗣️ Breaking Silence on Rape
The speaker begins by acknowledging the difficulty of discussing the topic of rape and emphasizes the importance of having these conversations to foster societal change. They share their personal experience of being raped at the age of 18 during college, the subsequent denial, and the emotional and physical aftermath. The speaker also discusses the impact of rape on their relationships and life, including feelings of shame, fear, and the struggle with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. They stress the need for support and understanding when a survivor opens up about their experience.
😔 The Lingering Effects of Trauma
The speaker delves into the various ways in which the trauma of rape has affected their life, including their relationships and social interactions. They describe the triggers that can evoke memories of the trauma, such as certain phrases, smells, or music. The speaker also talks about the challenges of maintaining relationships after experiencing trauma, the increased social anxiety, and the fear of being touched. They highlight the importance of having a support system and the value of professional counseling in processing and coping with the trauma. The speaker calls for compassion and understanding from those who learn about a survivor's experience and warns against victim-blaming.
🤗 Supporting Survivors of Rape
The speaker provides guidance on how to support a survivor who has experienced rape. They stress the importance of believing the survivor, offering empathy, and respecting their boundaries. The speaker outlines the significance of self-care for survivors, which includes both emotional and physical aspects, such as seeking professional help, meditation, yoga, writing, getting enough sleep, exercise, hydration, and nutrition. They also emphasize the importance of consent regarding any form of touch and the need to encourage survivors to seek professional help without pressuring them. The speaker reminds the audience that each survivor's needs may vary and that it is crucial to respect their individual journey and process.
🎉 Empowerment and Overcoming Trauma
The speaker concludes by reflecting on the significance of sharing their story and the potential for growth and empowerment that comes from overcoming the trauma of rape. They express gratitude for the opportunity to speak and share their experience, highlighting the transformation from a time of sadness and anger to one of empowerment. The speaker's narrative ends on a note of hope, encouraging others to support and believe survivors and to be part of the positive change in society.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Rape
💡Survivor
💡Trauma
💡PTSD
💡Denial
💡Self-blame
💡Support
💡Triggers
💡Self-care
💡Empathy
💡Counseling
Highlights
The speaker emphasizes the importance of using the word 'rape' and having tough conversations to bring about positive change in society.
Rape affects not just the survivor, but everyone around them. It's crucial to support the survivor when they open up about their experience.
The speaker shares her personal story of being raped at 18 during her second semester of college.
She describes feeling ashamed, embarrassed, and alone after the assault, leading her to stay silent and spiral into depression.
The speaker was diagnosed with anxiety, severe depression, and PTSD as a result of her rape.
She talks about living with the constant threat of triggers that can bring back traumatic memories.
The speaker has gained a deeper understanding of the impact of rape on survivors' relationships, as she has both experienced it herself and listened to others' stories.
She discusses the challenges of maintaining relationships after being a rape survivor, including difficulties with trust, social anxiety, and fear of being touched.
The speaker has learned to adapt her behaviors and be hyper-aware of her surroundings due to her paranoia and anxiety.
She emphasizes the importance of having a strong support system of understanding friends and other trauma survivors.
The speaker shares that some people have blamed her for her rape, which can cause a survivor to retreat back into denial and self-blame.
She stresses the need for compassion, respect, and belief when a survivor confides in you about their rape.
The speaker explains the vital role of self-care, both emotional and physical, in a rape survivor's healing process.
When a survivor tells you about their rape, believe them, show empathy, get consent for any touch, and encourage them to seek professional help.
The speaker shares that April, the month of her rape anniversary, has evolved from a time of sadness to one of empowerment through speaking out.
She thanks the audience for their attention and emphasizes the importance of supporting loved ones who have been raped.
Transcripts
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