The Father Wound | Otto Kelly | TEDxCarsonCity

TEDx Talks
13 Nov 201714:19
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRThe speaker, an executive director of a crisis pregnancy center, passionately addresses the profound impact of fatherlessness on society, citing statistics linking it to teen pregnancies, homelessness, and the penal system. He introduces 'Daddy Academy,' a program aimed at nurturing the importance of father figures, which has shown positive results. Sharing personal experiences, he emphasizes the healing power of fathering others to mend one's 'father wound,' urging men to step up and provide affirmation and guidance to change lives.

Takeaways
  • 😔 The speaker is the executive director of a crisis pregnancy center and emphasizes the importance of father figures in young lives, highlighting the negative impacts of fatherlessness.
  • 📊 A significant number of social issues, such as teen pregnancies, homelessness, and incarceration rates, are linked to fatherless homes, with statistics provided to underscore the point.
  • 👶 The economic impact of fatherlessness is profound, with children from fatherless homes being more likely to be impoverished compared to their biological fathers.
  • 🤔 The speaker introduces 'Daddy Academy,' a program developed to help young men understand the importance of fathering and its positive influence on the community.
  • 🌟 The program has seen dramatic positive changes in the lives of young people, with stories shared about the desire for protection, provision, presence, and praise from a father figure.
  • 💔 The 'father wound' is a deep and prevalent issue affecting millions of children globally, which can lead to a lack of self-worth and moral compromise.
  • 🙌 The speaker, having experienced the absence of a father figure, encourages men to step up and provide the affirmation and guidance that can heal this wound in others and themselves.
  • 👨‍👧‍👦 The speaker's personal story illustrates how fathering others can help heal one's own 'father wound,' and the importance of this role in providing affirmation and significance.
  • 👀 The call to action for fathers to envision being the best version of themselves and to embody that in their interactions with others, particularly the younger generation.
  • 🌍 The speaker challenges men to recognize the global impact they can have by stepping outside their comfort zones and positively influencing the lives of those around them.
  • 🎬 A reference to the movie 'Boyz n the Hood' is used to illustrate the potential transformative power of a father figure and the consequences of not providing guidance and affirmation.
Q & A

  • What is the speaker's role at the crisis pregnancy center?

    -The speaker is the executive director of the crisis pregnancy center in Reno.

  • What is the significance of the 'Daddy Academy' program mentioned in the script?

    -The 'Daddy Academy' is a program developed by the speaker to help young men understand the importance of fathering and to see themselves in a positive light.

  • What are some of the social issues the speaker attributes to fatherlessness?

    -The speaker attributes issues such as teen pregnancies, homelessness, and a significant portion of the male population in the penal system to fatherlessness.

  • What percentage of teen pregnancies are said to come from fatherless homes according to the speaker?

    -According to the speaker, close to 81 percent of teen pregnancies come from fatherless homes.

  • What impact does fatherlessness have on the economic status of children, as mentioned in the script?

    -It is estimated that 41 percent of children in fatherless homes will be poorer than their biological father.

  • What are the four things young ladies growing up without a father wish they had, according to the script?

    -The four things are protection, provision, presence, and praise.

  • How does the speaker suggest healing the 'father wound' in oneself?

    -The speaker suggests healing the 'father wound' by fathering others, which can provide the affirmation and significance that was sought.

  • What personal experience does the speaker share about the importance of a father figure?

    -The speaker shares a personal experience where his son Dominic provided him with the protection, provision, and praise he needed during a difficult time, effectively 'fathering' him.

  • What challenge does the speaker pose to the fathers in the audience?

    -The speaker challenges the fathers to envision the best father figure encouraging them and then to go and be that very thing to those around them.

  • What is the speaker's closing call to action for men in the audience?

    -The speaker's closing call to action is for men to be the fathers they've always wanted to be and to provide positive affirmation to others, which can heal both themselves and others.

  • What movie and character does the speaker reference to illustrate the impact of a father figure?

    -The speaker references the movie 'Boyz n the Hood' and the character who plays a significant father figure role in the life of the main character.

Outlines
00:00
💔 The Impact of Fatherlessness

The speaker, the executive director of the Crisis Pregnancy Center, emphasizes the severe social and economic consequences of fatherlessness. He notes that 81% of teen pregnancies and 71% of males in the penal system come from fatherless homes. He introduces the 'Daddy Academy' program aimed at educating young men about fatherhood and mentions the community's involvement and positive outcomes. The speaker also shares insights from young women who missed having a father, highlighting the need for protection, provision, presence, and praise. He underscores the deep societal wound caused by fatherlessness and the irreplaceable role of fathers.

05:02
🛠️ Healing Through Fathering

The speaker shares his personal journey of growing up without a father and the emotional wounds it caused. He discovered that by fathering others, he could heal his own father wound. He recounts a touching story of his son stepping up to support him during a difficult time, illustrating the deep need for affirmation and the powerful impact of fathering. The speaker calls on fathers to stand up and embrace their role, emphasizing that compassionate fathering can change lives and heal deep emotional wounds.

10:02
🎬 Lessons from 'Boys in the Hood'

Reflecting on the movie 'Boys in the Hood', the speaker discusses the importance of a father's role in teaching responsibility and providing guidance. He critiques the movie's portrayal of a negative prophecy over fatherless boys and advocates for more proactive involvement from fathers. He stresses the transformative impact of father figures on young women, particularly those recovering from prostitution, and calls for fathers to offer positive affirmation and encouragement. The speaker concludes by urging men to be the fathers they wished they had, highlighting the societal need for strong, supportive father figures.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Crisis Pregnancy Center
A crisis pregnancy center is an organization that offers support and resources to women facing unplanned pregnancies. In the video, the speaker is the executive director of such a center, emphasizing the importance of the center's role in addressing issues related to fatherlessness and its impact on young individuals.
💡Fatherlessness
Fatherlessness refers to the absence of a father or father figure in a child's life. The video discusses the profound social implications of fatherlessness, including its correlation with teen pregnancies, homelessness, and incarceration rates, highlighting the urgent need for strong male role models.
💡Daddy Academy
Daddy Academy is a program developed by the speaker to address the lack of understanding among young men about the responsibilities and importance of fatherhood. It is designed to help them recognize the significance of being a father and to promote positive male role models within the community.
💡Social Ills
Social ills are problems that negatively affect society, such as crime, poverty, and educational failure. The video script connects social ills to fatherlessness, suggesting that the absence of a father figure can lead to a range of societal problems.
💡Affirmation
Affirmation in the context of the video refers to the positive recognition and encouragement that individuals, especially children, receive from a father figure. It is portrayed as essential for self-esteem and moral development, with the speaker emphasizing its importance in healing the 'father wound.'
💡Father Wound
The 'father wound' is a metaphorical term used in the video to describe the emotional and psychological impact of growing up without a father figure. It suggests a deep-seated need for paternal guidance and affirmation, which, when absent, can lead to a lifelong search for these elements.
💡Provision
Provision, as mentioned in the script, refers to the material and emotional support that a father figure provides. It is one of the four things that young people without a father wish they had, indicating the multifaceted role of a father in meeting both practical and emotional needs.
💡Protection
Protection in the video is the role of a father figure in safeguarding and nurturing the well-being of children. It is cited as something that individuals who grow up without a father figure often miss, suggesting the importance of a father's role in providing security.
💡Presence
Presence denotes the physical and emotional availability of a father figure in a child's life. The video emphasizes the importance of a father's presence as a stabilizing and affirming force, contributing to a child's sense of belonging and self-worth.
💡Praise
Praise in the context of the video is the positive feedback and commendation that a father figure gives to a child. It is one of the elements that children without a father figure wish they had received, indicating the role of praise in building self-esteem and moral compass.
💡Healing
Healing in the video is the process of emotional recovery and self-acceptance that can occur when individuals who have experienced the 'father wound' find affirmation and guidance from father figures. The speaker's personal story illustrates how fathering others can also lead to self-healing.
Highlights

The speaker is the executive director of a crisis pregnancy center and emphasizes the importance of father figures in young people's lives.

A lack of fathering is linked to various social issues, including teen pregnancies, homelessness, and incarceration rates.

81 percent of teen pregnancies come from fatherless homes, indicating a strong correlation between fatherlessness and social problems.

The economic impact of fatherlessness is profound, with 41 percent of children in fatherless homes likely to be poorer than their biological fathers.

The speaker has developed a program called Daddy Academy to address the absence of father figures and their impact on young men.

Daddy Academy aims to help young men understand the importance of fathering and its role in shaping future generations.

Local judges and community members are involved in the program, demonstrating its broad reach and support.

The program has seen dramatic positive changes in the lives of young people, particularly young women, who have benefited from strong male figures.

Young people growing up without a father often wish for protection, provision, presence, and praise, which are essential for their self-esteem.

The speaker shares personal experiences of seeking a father figure and the profound impact it had on his life.

The speaker's son, Dominic, steps in to provide support during a family crisis, demonstrating the healing power of fathering.

The speaker challenges men to envision the best father figure and to embody that role for others, especially for those who need affirmation and guidance.

The movie 'Boyz n the Hood' is mentioned as an example of how a father's involvement can change the trajectory of a young person's life.

The speaker calls for men to step up and provide the affirmation and encouragement that is desperately needed by young people, especially daughters.

The healing of the 'father wound' can occur not only for those who receive fathering but also for those who take on the role of fathering others.

The speaker concludes by urging men to be the fathers they have always wanted to be, as this can have a transformative effect on the lives of others and themselves.

Transcripts

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Related Tags
FatherhoodSocial ImpactCrisis CenterTeen PregnancyHomelessnessPenal SystemCommunity OutreachRole ModelsEmotional HealingPositive Affirmation