Understanding childhood trauma and abuse | Tanya Waymire | TEDxFlowerMound

TEDx Talks

5 Mar 201907:10

EducationalLearning

32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRThe video script narrates a personal journey of abuse and healing. As a child, the speaker was sexually abused by a family member during summer visits, unaware of the wrongdoing. The abuse continued until the age of 9 when they found the courage to speak up, ending the abuse but leaving deep emotional scars. The lack of guidance on healing turned the incident into a 'dark family secret'. The speaker emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the abuse and releasing oneself from the burden of guilt. They encourage viewers to embrace their survivor status, regain power, and seek healing. The narrative also touches on the struggle of understanding 'why' such incidents occur, and the realization that the focus should be on one's purpose in life. The speaker concludes by stressing the control one has as an adult to redefine their life, urging viewers to not let the dark choices of others define their existence, and to find and fulfill their unique purpose.

Takeaways

🚫 **Do Not Blame Yourself**: Recognize that you are not responsible for the abuse you suffered. Your mind may have unconsciously taken responsibility, but it's important to release yourself from that burden.
🧠 **Mind's Protective Mechanism**: Understand that your mind tried to protect you from the abuse but was unable to. This can lead to a sense of failure, but it's crucial to acknowledge this and move forward.
🌟 **Embrace Your Survivor Status**: Shift your perspective from being a victim to a survivor. This change in mindset is a significant step towards healing and reclaiming your power.
🔄 **Release the Past**: Accept that you cannot change what happened, but as an adult, you have control over your present and future actions.
🤔 **Meaning Over 'Why'**: It's natural to question why the abuse happened, but focusing on 'why' won't bring healing. Instead, concentrate on your purpose and moving forward.
💪 **Take Back Your Power**: Decide not to remain a victim and refuse to let the abuse continue to have power over you. This decision is the beginning of your healing process.
🙌 **Acknowledge Your Strength**: Recognize that surviving abuse is a testament to your strength and resilience. You have the ability to heal and thrive.
🧐 **Seek Understanding**: It's important to understand the critical beliefs that may have formed as a result of the abuse, and work towards healing with or without professional help.
🤝 **Support Others**: Helping others who cannot protect themselves can be a part of your purpose, as it was for the speaker. Find your purpose and use it to guide your actions.
💡 **Define Your Life**: Do not allow the choices of another to define your life. You have the power to define your own life and live according to your values and purpose.
⏳ **Acceptance and Forgiveness**: While it may be difficult, accepting what happened and forgiving yourself is a part of the healing process. It doesn't mean forgetting, but rather, living beyond the abuse.

Q & A

What was the phrase commonly used to warn children about talking to strangers?
-The phrase used was 'stranger danger' to caution children against interacting with people they did not know.
What was the narrator's experience during summers with family?
-The narrator, along with their brothers, spent summers with their grandparents while their parents worked. As the youngest, they slept in the grandparents' room and experienced abuse from their grandfather.
At what age did the narrator first realize that the abuse was wrong?
-The narrator realized the abuse was wrong as they got older, but it was not until they were 9 years old that they found the courage to speak up.
What was the immediate outcome after the narrator spoke up about the abuse?
-Speaking up ended the abuse, but it did not immediately heal the narrator, who felt broken and unworthy.
How did the family respond to the narrator's disclosure of abuse?
-The parent the narrator spoke to acknowledged the abuse and ensured it would stop, but there was no further conversation on how to heal or recover from the trauma.
What did the narrator do to cope with the abuse and find healing?
-The narrator turned to faith, giving the situation to God, and developed critical beliefs that helped them find healing without professional help or a clear understanding of what that help would look like.
What is the first step to healing suggested by the narrator?
-The first step to healing is acknowledging what happened, understanding why the mind took on an unconscious responsibility, and releasing oneself from the burden of it.
How does the narrator differentiate between the terms 'victim' and 'survivor'?
-The narrator associates 'victim' with feelings of hurt and sadness, while 'survivor' evokes a sense of victory and strength. The shift from victim to survivor is a crucial part of the healing process.
What is the importance of understanding 'why' in the context of abuse?
-Understanding 'why' is a natural response to trauma, but the narrator emphasizes that knowing 'why' does not bring peace or healing. Instead, it's about taking back power and refusing to remain a victim.
What does the narrator suggest about the relevance of knowing why the abuse happened?
-The narrator suggests that knowing 'why' is not relevant to the healing process. What's important is recognizing one's purpose and getting back on the path to fulfilling that purpose.
How does the narrator view the impact of past abuse on one's current life?
-The narrator believes that while one cannot change past events, they can control their actions as an adult. They emphasize that the dark choices of another should not define one's life and encourage individuals to bring light to their purpose.
What role does the narrator see for themselves in helping others?
-The narrator sees their role as helping those who are less able or too scared to help themselves, which they view as part of their purpose. They encourage others to discover and fulfill their own purpose.

Outlines

00:00

😔 Childhood Abuse and Its Impact

The first paragraph of the script deals with the painful reality of childhood abuse within the family, a place traditionally seen as safe. It recounts the speaker's personal experience of abuse by a family member during childhood summers. The narrative describes the confusion and lack of understanding as a young child, the gradual realization of the abuse as the speaker grew older, and the courage it took to finally speak up at the age of nine. The paragraph also touches on the aftermath of speaking up, including feelings of brokenness, damage, and unworthiness. It highlights the lack of guidance and support in the healing process and the individual's responsibility to seek healing, which the speaker found through faith. The speaker emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the abuse, releasing oneself from the burden of guilt, and reclaiming one's power as a survivor.

05:00

💪 Taking Back Your Power and Finding Purpose

The second paragraph focuses on the journey of healing and self-discovery after experiencing abuse. It discusses the process of recognizing the difference between being a victim and a survivor, and the empowerment that comes from choosing to view oneself as a survivor. The speaker encourages the audience to reflect on their purpose in life and to not let the actions of others define them. The paragraph also emphasizes the control one has as an adult to shape their life's path, despite the past. The speaker shares a dream that symbolizes their adult purpose of protecting and helping others who cannot protect themselves. The message is one of resilience, self-empowerment, and the pursuit of a meaningful life that aligns with one's divine purpose.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Strangers

The term 'strangers' refers to people who are not known to you personally. In the context of the video, it is initially mentioned in the context of a common warning given to children about the potential dangers of interacting with unknown individuals. However, the video script later contrasts this with the realization that harm can also come from within one's own family, challenging the notion that 'family' is always a safe haven.

💡Family

The concept of 'family' is central to the video's narrative. Traditionally associated with love, support, and a safe environment, the video uses the term to highlight a paradox where the speaker's family environment was the source of abuse. This challenges the viewer's preconceived notions about the inherent goodness of family and underscores the complexity of relationships within it.

💡Abuse

Abuse, specifically sexual abuse, is a key theme in the video. It is defined as the improper treatment or use of someone to one's benefit or advantage, especially in a way that deprives them of rights or something due. In the script, the speaker recounts their personal experience of sexual abuse by a family member, which is a pivotal moment that shapes their narrative and the message of overcoming and healing.

💡Survivor

A 'survivor' is someone who has continued to function or endure despite difficult conditions or circumstances. The video emphasizes the transition from being a 'victim' to becoming a 'survivor' as a critical step in the healing process. The speaker identifies as a survivor, which signifies their resilience and the reclaiming of power and control over their life after the abuse.

💡Healing

Healing, in the context of the video, refers to the process of recovery or becoming sound or healthy again, especially after an illness or injury. The speaker discusses their journey of healing from the trauma of abuse, which includes acknowledging what happened, releasing oneself from guilt, and taking steps to regain a sense of purpose and peace.

💡Responsibility

The concept of 'responsibility' is explored in the video in terms of the speaker's struggle with feeling responsible for the abuse they suffered as a child. The speaker clarifies that the victim is not to blame and encourages viewers to release themselves from this burden, which is a significant aspect of overcoming the trauma.

💡Victim

A 'victim' is a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, an accident, or other event or action. The video contrasts the terms 'victim' and 'survivor,' with the former often associated with feelings of powerlessness and sadness. The speaker discusses the importance of shifting one's identity from victim to survivor as part of the healing process.

💡Purpose

The speaker reflects on the idea of 'purpose' as a driving force in life. Despite the traumatic experiences, the individual believes in the importance of finding and pursuing one's life purpose. In the video, the speaker suggests that the experience of abuse should not define one's life but rather motivate one to live a life of purpose and meaning.

💡Power

The concept of 'power' is discussed in relation to the control that the abuser had over the victim. The video emphasizes the importance of taking back one's power as a step towards healing and recovery. The speaker's decision to identify as a survivor is an act of reclaiming power and refusing to let the abuse continue to control their life.

💡Shame

Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrongs or foolish behavior. In the video, the speaker mentions feeling unworthy and ashamed after the abuse. The script highlights the struggle to overcome these feelings as part of the healing process and the journey towards self-acceptance and empowerment.

💡God

The speaker mentions 'God' as a source of strength and guidance in their healing process. While the video does not delve deeply into religious doctrine, the mention of God serves to illustrate the personal beliefs and coping mechanisms that individuals may turn to in times of crisis. It underscores the role of faith in providing hope and a path to healing for some people.

Highlights

The importance of recognizing and addressing the trauma of childhood abuse, emphasizing the need for healing and support.

The personal story of the speaker's abuse by a family member during childhood, highlighting the silence and secrecy that often surrounds such incidents.

The critical moment when the speaker found the courage to speak up about the abuse at the age of 9, marking the end of the abuse but not the healing process.

The lack of guidance and professional help received after the abuse was disclosed, leaving the speaker to find their own path to healing.

The development of critical beliefs as a coping mechanism in the absence of professional help, and the journey towards healing through faith.

The mind's unconscious responsibility for the abuse and the process of acknowledging and releasing oneself from this burden.

The distinction between being a victim and a survivor, and the empowerment that comes from choosing to be a survivor.

The importance of not letting the actions of the abuser define one's life and taking back control as an adult.

The question of how life might be different without the abuse and the significance of focusing on one's purpose rather than dwelling on the past.

The speaker's realization of their purpose in life, which includes helping those who cannot protect themselves, as illustrated through a vivid dream.

The message of resilience and the power of defining one's own life, despite the challenges faced due to past abuse.

The encouragement to live a life that aligns with one's purpose and to not let the dark choices of others dictate one's path.

The hope that sharing personal experiences can help others find their way towards healing and recovery.

The acknowledgment of the difficulty in understanding why abuse happens and the importance of focusing on personal growth and healing instead.

The transformative power of deciding to no longer be a victim and the role this decision plays in the beginning of the healing process.

The significance of understanding that the mind is designed to protect and the role this understanding plays in the healing process.

The final message of hope and empowerment, encouraging individuals to live a life that fulfills the purpose intended for them by God.

Transcripts

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Takeaways

Q & A

What was the phrase commonly used to warn children about talking to strangers?

What was the narrator's experience during summers with family?

At what age did the narrator first realize that the abuse was wrong?

What was the immediate outcome after the narrator spoke up about the abuse?

How did the family respond to the narrator's disclosure of abuse?

What did the narrator do to cope with the abuse and find healing?

What is the first step to healing suggested by the narrator?

How does the narrator differentiate between the terms 'victim' and 'survivor'?

What is the importance of understanding 'why' in the context of abuse?

What does the narrator suggest about the relevance of knowing why the abuse happened?

How does the narrator view the impact of past abuse on one's current life?

What role does the narrator see for themselves in helping others?