Stop doubting yourself and go after what you really, really want | Mario Lanzarotti | TEDxWilmington
TLDRThe speaker shares how embracing self-doubt transformed his life and can empower others. Initially feeling inadequate and defeated by self-doubt, he comes to see it as universal and an opportunity for self-understanding. He advises openly discussing doubts with trusted confidants to build courage and community. Rather than fighting doubts, view them with self-compassion. Forgive past failures and let wisdom emerge. Self-acceptance and inner peace replace achievement as measures of success. Recasting self-doubt as a gateway to self-love launches meaningful personal growth.
Takeaways
- 😀 Self-doubt questions your ability to find solutions to problems and achieve your goals.
- 😮 Self-doubt leads to loneliness because we don't share our true feelings with others.
- 🤔 Overcoming self-doubt requires courageously sharing your doubts with trusted people.
- 😊 Connecting with others builds self-confidence to keep pursuing your dreams despite doubts.
- 🙁 Trying to eliminate all self-doubt actually gives it more power over you.
- 😃 Approaching self-doubt with love and self-care reduces its negative impact.
- 👍 Achieving goals brings positive emotions; self-love brings inner peace and happiness.
- 🤗 When self-doubt arises, embrace it as a reminder to nourish self-love.
- 😣 Blaming past failures for current inaction perpetuates self-doubt.
- 🥰 Forgiving yourself for past mistakes builds wisdom to make better choices now.
Q & A
What did Mario realize was the key to overcoming self-doubt?
-Mario realized that the key to overcoming self-doubt was to have the courage to share your doubts with someone you trust. This builds confidence and allows you to find support to keep moving forward.
Why does Mario say that self-doubt can be good for you?
-Mario says self-doubt can be good because it pushes you to fill up your self-love tank. Instead of seeing it as an enemy, embrace self-doubt as a reminder to give yourself love and reassurance.
What happened when Mario was honest with his father about his self-doubt?
-When Mario opened up to his father about his self-doubt in becoming a pilot, his father connected him with an airline captain. Talking through his doubts gave Mario the confidence to begin his training.
How did Mario's view of self-doubt change over time?
-At first Mario saw self-doubt as his enemy. After quitting the pilot career, he still blamed himself for years. Eventually he realized self-doubt was trying to push him towards self-love, and he learned to embrace it.
Why does Mario recommend forgiving yourself for past failures?
-Mario recommends self-forgiveness because dwelling on past failures holds you back through fear. Forgiveness allows you to harvest wisdom from the experience to make better choices going forward.
What happens when you constantly fight against self-doubt?
-Fighting against self-doubt actually makes it stronger in your mind. You give it more power by resisting it rather than embracing it with self-love.
How can loneliness make self-doubt worse?
-Feeling alone with your doubts creates more anxiety and negative thoughts. Sharing vulnerabilities with trusted people gives confidence to keep moving forward.
What did Mario realize he truly wanted from his goal of being a pilot?
-More than status or money, Mario realized he wanted the positive emotions and sense of freedom that achieving his goal would bring. Goals are often about chasing feelings.
What happens when you fill up your self-love tank?
-Filling your self-love tank through self-care and reassurance brings peace and happiness, allowing you to proceed confidently without needing external validation.
Why does Mario say there is no escape from self-doubt?
-Mario argues self-doubt is part of the human experience. No matter how successful, you will always doubt yourself sometimes. The key is your relationship to that doubt.
Outlines
😊 Facing self-doubt on the journey to self-discovery
This paragraph introduces the concept of self-doubt, describing it as mental questioning of one's abilities. It highlights how self-doubt can silence intuition, cause anxiety, and make one feel inadequate. The author shares his experience with self-doubt when deciding his career path after high school, being inspired yet intimidated by the idea of becoming a pilot.
👨✈️ Overcoming self-doubt by building connections
This paragraph continues the story of pursuing a pilot career. The author opened up about his self-doubts and struggles to an airline pilot, who provided reassurance that everyone faces self-doubt. This gave the author courage to begin training, though imposter syndrome persisted. Through vulnerability and connection, the author found support to quit the unsuitable career path.
🤝 Befriending self-doubt through self-love
Here the author argues against the notion that self-doubt must be fully conquered, instead viewing it with compassion as an inherent part of the human experience. He suggests self-doubt calls us to practice self-love, rather than fighting against it. Loving ourselves removes self-doubt's power over us.
😌 Harvesting wisdom from the past for the future
In this concluding paragraph, the author emphasizes self-forgiveness for past failures as crucial for overcoming self-doubt. Blaming oneself keeps one stuck. With forgiveness, we can harvest wisdom from experience to make new courageous choices aligned with our best lives. This is the doorway to self-discovery.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Self-doubt
💡Vulnerability
💡Self-love
💡Forgiveness
💡Courage
💡Potential
💡Happiness
💡Journey
💡Wisdom
💡Freedom
Highlights
Self-doubt is a mental conversation that questions your ability to find a desirable solution to a perceived problem.
Self-doubt can silence your intuition and steer you away from even finding out what you really, really want.
In the pursuit of bigger dreams and goals there is a dark side - we tend to build an identity around being successful, but how do you feel when you don't succeed?
Share your self-doubts with someone you trust to remove the control doubt has over you and find the courage to continue.
When you have the courage to be vulnerable and reveal your doubts with people you trust, you build greater trust in yourself.
There's a big lie that you must become fearless and remove all self-doubt - as long as you're living, fear and doubt will be part of your life.
View self-doubt as a friend that calls on you to fill your self-love tank with reassurance and imagination of the life you want.
In striving for goals, what you really want are the positive emotions - true freedom is loving yourself regardless of achievements.
Forgive yourself for past failures - you couldn't have acted differently given your state, but now have wisdom to make new choices.
Blaming yourself for the past delays dreams; your brain scans the past to evaluate risks and tries to protect you from hurt.
Decide to forgive yourself and let go of blaming yourself - give yourself permission to express confidence and commitment.
Loving yourself removes self-doubt's power - self-doubt only exists as an illusion in your mind, not your heart.
The journey from your head through self-doubt into your heart is the most important one to find yourself.
With the keys of sharing self-doubt, loving it, and self-forgiveness, I freed my mind from limiting thoughts.
On the other side of self-doubt is the person you've been looking for your whole life.
Transcripts
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