If You Hear THIS, You're About to Get Your Heart Broken

Matthew Hussey
10 Dec 202313:40
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRThis video script explores the complexities of dating someone who is still healing from a past relationship. It debunks the myth that time since a breakup is the only indicator of emotional readiness. The speaker advises to assess emotional distance, the person's seriousness in moving forward, and their protectiveness over the new relationship. They warn against mistaking emotional openness for genuine connection and emphasize the importance of self-respect and setting boundaries when dating someone emotionally unavailable.

Takeaways
  • πŸ•°οΈ Time is not a reliable indicator of emotional readiness after a breakup; some people may take longer to heal than others regardless of the relationship's length or duration since the breakup.
  • 🌟 Emotional distance is crucial; it's not about being completely over the pain but having perspective and clarity to move forward.
  • πŸ’” Different types of pain exist post-breakup, including longing for the ex, heartbreak, ego death, and betrayal, which may affect healing differently.
  • πŸ›‘ It's important to assess if the person you're dating is serious about moving on, showing growth, and actively working towards a new relationship.
  • πŸ” Observe if their actions align with their words; are they making progress in moving on, or is the ex still the main topic of conversation?
  • 🚫 Beware of faux intimacy; just because someone shares their pain with you doesn't mean they are emotionally available or serious about a relationship with you.
  • πŸ›‘οΈ Look for signs of protectiveness over the budding relationship; if they risk jeopardizing it by talking about their ex, they may not be serious about progressing with you.
  • πŸ€” Consider if they are using you as an emotional sponge for comfort and validation rather than genuinely wanting to build a relationship.
  • πŸ”„ Don't mistake the presence of genuine emotion for intention; someone might be emotionally open but not necessarily ready for a new commitment.
  • πŸšΆβ€β™‚οΈ Walking away when someone is not emotionally available can be the best strategy to gain their respect and potentially attract them back on better terms.
  • πŸ”„ Availability should be a non-negotiable prerequisite for any relationship; without it, no amount of chemistry or attraction is worth pursuing.
Q & A
  • Is there a specific time frame one should wait before dating someone who has recently broken up with their ex?

    -No, the time since the breakup is not a reliable indicator. Some people may take longer to move on despite the length of the relationship, while others may recover quickly even from long-term relationships.

  • What is the main factor to consider when deciding whether to date someone who is still getting over their ex?

    -The main factor is the person's emotional distance from their past relationship. It's about whether they have clarity and perspective rather than being mired in pain.

  • Why might someone who has been out of a relationship for a long time still struggle to move on?

    -They may still be dealing with various types of pain from the breakup, such as longing for their ex, heartbreak, ego death, or feelings of betrayal, which can take time to work through.

  • How can you tell if someone is serious about moving forward with their life after a breakup?

    -You can tell by observing if they talk about the work and growth they are doing, showing they are proactively moving forward rather than just indulging in their pain.

  • What is a sign that a person might not be serious about progressing a relationship with you?

    -If they frequently talk about their ex in a way that could jeopardize the current relationship, it may indicate they are not serious about moving forward with you.

  • Why might someone who is emotionally unavailable seem very appealing and appear emotionally available?

    -When someone is in a lot of pain, they can become an open wound and sharing their pain with you can create an illusion of massive connection and faux intimacy, which might be mistaken for emotional availability.

  • What is the 'girlfriend experience' or 'boyfriend experience' mentioned in the script?

    -It refers to the familiar feelings and touchpoints someone is used to in a relationship, such as regular phone calls and check-ins, which they may seek even outside of a relationship, not necessarily indicating a desire for a committed relationship.

  • What should one do if they find out the person they are dating is not emotionally available?

    -The best course of action is to walk away and respect oneself, as this can potentially increase the other person's respect and attraction towards you, should they decide to return.

  • What is the potential downside of continuing to date someone who is not over their ex?

    -You may become collateral damage in their search for comfort, being used as a 'sponge' for emotional validation without any real progress towards a committed relationship.

  • How can one differentiate between genuine emotion and intention in a person who is still healing from a breakup?

    -Genuine intention will show through actions such as taking steps to move forward, working on personal growth, and being protective over the new relationship, rather than just expressing emotions.

Outlines
00:00
πŸ•°οΈ Time Misconceptions in Emotional Readiness

The paragraph addresses the common misconception that time is the sole determinant of whether someone is emotionally ready to date again after a breakup. It emphasizes that emotional distance, rather than the duration since the breakup, is crucial. The speaker discusses different types of pain following a breakup, such as longing for an ex, heartbreak, ego death, and betrayal, and suggests that emotional clarity and perspective are more important indicators of readiness to move on than the mere passage of time.

05:02
πŸ” Assessing Emotional Progress and Intentions

This paragraph delves into how to evaluate if someone is genuinely moving forward after a breakup. It advises to look for signs of serious intent, such as discussing personal growth and proactive steps towards a new relationship, rather than just dwelling on past pain. The speaker also cautions against mistaking the sharing of deep emotions for a sign of strong connection or intent to progress the relationship, highlighting the importance of observing actual behavior and progress in reducing the ex's significance in their life.

10:03
🚫 Recognizing Unavailability and the Risk of Emotional Misuse

The speaker warns about the dangers of dating someone who is not emotionally available, pointing out that they might be using the new partner for comfort and validation without genuine intent to progress the relationship. It discusses the illusion of intimacy that can arise when someone shares their pain and how this can be misleading. The paragraph also advises on how to identify if a person is protective of the budding relationship and suggests walking away as a strategy to command respect and potentially attract a higher level of commitment in the future.

Mindmap
Keywords
πŸ’‘Emotional Availability
Emotional availability refers to a person's capacity to engage in a meaningful relationship with another person, free from lingering emotional attachments to past relationships. In the video, it's a central theme as the speaker discusses the complexities of dating someone who might still be emotionally attached to an ex. The script mentions that emotional distance is more important than the time since the breakup, indicating the person's readiness to move on and invest in a new relationship.
πŸ’‘Breakup
A breakup is the end of a romantic relationship. The video script explores the impact of breakups on individuals and their subsequent relationships. It emphasizes that the length of time since a breakup is not a reliable indicator of a person's readiness to date again, as some people may take longer to heal emotionally, regardless of the breakup's recency.
πŸ’‘Emotional Distance
Emotional distance is the psychological space between a person's current emotional state and their past experiences or relationships. The speaker in the video uses this concept to suggest that having emotional distance from a past relationship is crucial for someone to be ready for a new relationship. It is exemplified by the person's ability to talk about their past with some clarity and perspective, rather than being consumed by the pain of the breakup.
πŸ’‘Pain of Longing
Pain of longing is the emotional suffering one feels due to a desire to be reunited with an ex-partner. The script distinguishes this type of pain from other forms of emotional distress that can follow a breakup. It suggests that not everyone needs to be completely free of this pain to move on, but having some emotional distance and perspective is important.
πŸ’‘Ego Death
Ego death refers to the psychological experience of losing one's sense of self, often associated with a significant life change or trauma, such as a breakup. In the context of the video, ego death is mentioned as one of the painful aspects of a breakup that can affect a person's ability to move forward and be emotionally available for a new relationship.
πŸ’‘Betrayal
Betrayal is the act of breaking a trusted relationship, often causing deep emotional pain. The script mentions betrayal as a potential element in a breakup that can prolong the healing process and affect a person's emotional availability for future relationships.
πŸ’‘Faux Intimacy
Faux intimacy is a false sense of closeness or connection that may arise from superficial interactions or situations. The video warns against mistaking the deep emotional sharing that can occur when someone is in pain as a sign of genuine intimacy or investment in a new relationship. It suggests that this can be misleading and may not indicate that the person is ready for a committed relationship.
πŸ’‘Progress
In the context of the video, progress refers to the personal growth and forward movement an individual makes after a breakup. The speaker advises viewers to look for signs that the person they are dating is actively working on themselves and moving forward with their life, which can be an indicator of emotional availability.
πŸ’‘Protectiveness
Protectiveness in the video is used to describe the behavior of someone who is serious about a new relationship and takes steps to nurture and safeguard it. The speaker points out that if a person is still talking about their ex in a way that could jeopardize a new relationship, it may indicate a lack of seriousness or protectiveness over the budding relationship.
πŸ’‘Attraction and Commitment
Attraction and commitment are two key components of a romantic relationship. The video suggests that walking away from a situation where a person is not emotionally available can paradoxically increase their attraction and lead to a more committed relationship in the future, as it shows respect for oneself and sets a higher standard for the relationship.
πŸ’‘Collateral Damage
Collateral damage is a term often used in military contexts to describe unintended harm caused to non-combatants. In the video, it is used metaphorically to describe the potential harm one might experience by becoming involved with someone who is not emotionally available, suggesting that one might get hurt as a byproduct of the other person's emotional turmoil.
Highlights

The misconception that time since a breakup is the key indicator of emotional readiness for a new relationship is debunked.

Emotional distance is more important than the length of time since a breakup to gauge emotional availability.

Different types of pain from a breakup, including longing for an ex and the ego death, can affect emotional readiness differently.

The speaker does not believe that one must be completely over the pain of a breakup to move on, but some emotional distance is necessary.

The importance of the person you're dating having some perspective and clarity, not just being mired in pain.

The speaker's event 'The Love myths' is mentioned, discussing myths that prevent finding love and hidden truths for faster love.

Pre-ordering the book 'Love Life' grants access to the 'Love myths' movie and future special bonuses.

The second aspect to consider is if the person is serious about moving forward with their life post-breakup.

Evidence of proactive movement in life, such as personal growth and desire for a suitable relationship, indicates seriousness.

The importance of measuring the progress of someone's movement forward in life and its alignment with their relationship with you.

Protectiveness over the new relationship as a sign of seriousness, contrasting with discussing past relationships in a way that could jeopardize the current one.

The illusion of massive connection created when someone in pain opens up to you, which can be mistaken for emotional availability.

The danger of being used as a comfort 'sponge' by someone who is not emotionally ready for a new relationship.

The speaker's offer of a free event 'Dating with Results' for practical advice on improving love life outcomes.

The distinction between genuine emotion and intention in the context of emotional availability and relationship progression.

The tendency for people to seek the familiar feelings and touchpoints of a past relationship, which does not necessarily indicate a desire for a relationship with you.

The importance of flipping the script on availability, treating it as an essential quality rather than a luxury in a potential partner.

The paradoxical effect of walking away from someone who is not emotionally available potentially increasing their attraction and respect for you.

The call to action for viewers to like the video to help spread the message to a wider audience.

Transcripts
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