Pet loss grief; the pain explained | Sarah Hoggan DVM | TEDxTemecula
TLDRIn this touching narrative, Dr. Hoggan, an emergency veterinarian, delves into the profound grief associated with pet loss. She explains that the pain is not only valid but also a recognized medical condition, with symptoms like crying and insomnia. Dr. Hoggan highlights the unique bond between humans and pets, often deeper than relationships with other humans, due to the unconditional love and non-judgmental companionship pets provide. She also discusses the societal tendency to downplay the significance of pet loss, the unique challenges of grieving for pets, and the special comorbidities that can exacerbate this grief, such as preventable accidents, rescue stories, pets that have rescued their owners, pets as living links to lost loved ones, and pets that are more than just pets. Dr. Hoggan's heartfelt message emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and honoring the love and grief experienced after the loss of a pet.
Takeaways
- 📚 **Understanding Grief**: Grief after pet loss is a real and valid medical condition with documented symptoms like crying, insomnia, fatigue, confusion, and profound sadness.
- 🐾 **Pet as Family**: The emotional bond with pets is deep; losing a pet is not just losing an object but losing a loved one, which is why the grief is so intense.
- 💔 **Societal Perceptions**: Society often diminishes the pain of pet loss, which can make the grieving process harder because the loss is not universally acknowledged as significant.
- 👀 **Unconditional Love**: Pets offer an unconditional love that is free from judgment, making their loss particularly poignant as they provide a unique form of emotional support.
- 🔙 **Reliving Decisions**: Grieving pet owners often relive the decisions and moments leading up to their pet's passing, similar to how physical pain prompts us to learn and avoid future harm.
- 🚑 **Emergency Veterinarian Role**: The role of an emergency veterinarian involves delivering hard truths and poor prognoses, which can be emotionally challenging for both the pet owner and the veterinarian.
- 🧐 **Grief's Comorbidities**: There are comorbidities that can exacerbate the grief of pet loss, such as preventable accidents, the pet being a rescue, the pet rescuing the owner, the pet being a link to a lost loved one, or the pet being more than a pet to the owner.
- 🏠 **Pets as Home's Heart**: Pets contribute to our lives by filling our homes with love and laughter, which is why the belief that they go to heaven is a comforting thought for many pet owners.
- 😢 **Apology and Guilt**: People often apologize when they break down in front of a veterinarian, but there's no need for apology as the profession understands the deep emotional connection.
- 🤔 **Euthanasia Decisions**: Making a euthanasia decision for a pet is a heavy responsibility and can lead to intense grief, as it often involves ending the pet's suffering.
- 🌟 **Pets' Impact on Happiness**: Pets have the power to make us happy, as evidenced by the popularity of cat videos and the joy pets bring to our lives, which is mirrored in the grief felt when they are gone.
Q & A
What is the most common compliment Dr. Hoggan receives?
-Dr. Hoggan, an emergency veterinarian, most commonly receives the compliment, 'Thank you, Dr. Hoggan. You have been wonderful. But I never want to see you again.'
Why do people's faces contort and their eyes well up when they hear hard truths about their pet's condition?
-People's faces contort and their eyes well up due to the emotional pain and the strong bond they have with their pets. The realization of their pet's poor prognosis triggers a deep sense of loss and grief.
What is considered a bona fide medical condition with documented symptoms related to grief?
-Grief is a bona fide medical condition with documented symptoms such as crying, insomnia, fatigue, confusion, and a feeling of profound sadness.
Why do people often relive every minute and decision that led to the loss of their pet?
-People relive every minute and decision because emotional pain hurts like physical pain, and we are wired to recognize pain as a teacher. This process is a way of studying the events that led to the pain to learn and avoid it in the future.
How does societal perception often diminish the pain of pet loss?
-Society often diminishes the pain of pet loss by acting as though it is histrionic or exaggerated, implying that the grief is for attention rather than a genuine emotional response.
What is unique about the relationship between humans and their pets that makes pet loss grief different?
-The relationship is unique because pets do not judge their owners, they offer unconditional love and acceptance, which creates a warm and fulfilling connection that is deeply missed when the pet is gone.
Why do some people feel they cry more for their pet's death than for a human family member's?
-Some people cry more for their pet's death because pets provide unconditional love and are not critical or judgmental. If a human relationship was fraught with criticism or disappointment, the emotional attachment and subsequent grief may be less intense.
What is the heavy responsibility that pet owners often carry when their pet's time to go arrives?
-The heavy responsibility is the decision-making process regarding end-of-life care, which often includes making a euthanasia decision. This responsibility is significant because pets cannot communicate their wishes, leaving the owner to make a choice based on their understanding of the pet's best interests.
What are comorbidities in the context of pet loss grief?
-Comorbidities in pet loss grief are factors that make the grieving process even more difficult. They can include preventable accidents, the rescue status of the pet, the pet's role as a rescuer during a crisis, the pet being a living link to a deceased loved one, and when the pet is more than a pet to the owner.
How does the guilt associated with a preventable accident that led to pet loss affect a person?
-The guilt can lead to self-blame and internal punishment, as the person may feel responsible for the circumstances that caused the pet's death. However, it's important to recognize that pets have free will and that it's not logically possible to account for every scenario.
What is the significance of the story about the man with the intellectually disability and his dog Girl?
-The story illustrates the profound emotional connection and dependency some individuals may have on their pets, serving as more than just companions. It also highlights the deep sense of loss and the struggle to understand and accept the pet's death.
What was Dr. Hoggan's response when asked if pets go to heaven?
-Dr. Hoggan responded from the heart, saying that of course pets go to heaven, as they fill our homes with love and laughter, and their joy gives us something to look forward to every day, suggesting that God's house would be similar.
Outlines
😢 The Emotional Toll of Emergency Veterinary Work
Dr. Hoggan, an emergency veterinarian, describes the common reaction of pet owners when receiving difficult news about their pet's health. She emphasizes the profound emotional connection people have with their pets, which makes the grief from pet loss very real and intense. The pain is recognized as a legitimate medical condition with symptoms like crying, insomnia, and profound sadness. Dr. Hoggan also explains that the grieving process often involves revisiting decisions made before the loss, which can be emotionally painful but is a natural part of learning from the experience.
🐾 The Unique Nature of the Human-Animal Bond
Dr. Hoggan discusses why pet loss grief feels different from losing a human. She points out societal tendencies to underestimate the pain of losing a pet and highlights the non-judgmental, unconditional love that pets provide. This unique bond makes the loss particularly hard to bear. She shares anecdotes of people who have experienced more intense grief over the loss of a pet than a human family member. The responsibility of making end-of-life decisions for pets, coupled with society's lack of understanding, adds to the complexity of the grief.
🏥 Coping with Pet Loss: Comorbidities and Challenges
The speaker outlines five common comorbidities that can exacerbate the grief felt when losing a pet. These include guilt over preventable accidents, the loss of a rescue pet and the process of rebuilding trust, the pet's role in helping the owner through personal crises, the pet acting as a living link to a lost loved one, and the situation where the pet was more than a pet, providing critical emotional support. Each of these factors can intensify the sense of loss and the difficulty of moving forward.
💔 The Lasting Impact and the Question of Pet Heaven
Dr. Hoggan recounts a poignant story of a man with special needs whose beloved dog had to be euthanized. The man's deep connection with his pet and the difficulty of letting go underscore the depth of the human-animal bond. The speaker is asked if pets go to heaven, to which she responds from the heart, affirming that pets, like their owners, are filled with love and joy and would be welcome in heaven. The story serves as a reminder of the significance of pets in our lives and the importance of acknowledging the validity of the grief that comes with losing them.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Emergency Veterinarian
💡Pet Loss
💡Grief
💡Unconditional Love
💡Euthanasia
💡Comorbidity
💡Rescue Pets
💡Emotional Pain
💡Societal Diminishment
💡Therapy and Support
💡Preventable Accidents
Highlights
Dr. Hoggan, an emergency veterinarian, often hears the phrase 'Thank you, but I never want to see you again' as a common compliment.
The emotional impact of sharing hard truths about a pet's condition can be profound for both the owner and the doctor.
The pain of pet loss is real because the emotions shared with pets are genuine.
Grief associated with pet loss is valid as pets are not just objects but cherished individuals.
Grief is a recognized medical condition with symptoms such as crying, insomnia, and profound sadness.
Reliving decisions leading to a pet's loss is a common reaction, akin to how physical pain prompts learning and avoidance.
Pet loss grief is different from losing a human due to societal attitudes and the unique nature of the human-animal bond.
Pets offer unconditional love and acceptance, which deepens the sense of loss when they are gone.
The responsibility of making a euthanasia decision for a pet can be a heavy burden for an owner.
Comorbidities of pet loss grief include preventable accidents leading to guilt, the special bond with rescue pets, and the emotional support pets provide during crises.
Pets can serve as living links to loved ones we have lost, intensifying the grief but also honoring their memory.
Pets can be more than pets, serving as companions and sources of emotional support for individuals with special needs.
Dr. Hoggan's personal encounter with a man and his dying dog illustrates the depth of the human-animal bond and the significance of pets in their owners' lives.
The speaker reassures that pets go to heaven, emphasizing their role in filling our lives with love and joy.
The talk acknowledges the reality and validity of the pain and grief associated with losing a pet.
Dr. Hoggan encourages self-compassion and understanding when dealing with the complex emotions of pet loss.
The emotional journey of pet loss is explored through personal stories and professional insights, offering comfort and validation to those who have experienced it.
Transcripts
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