We Don't MOVE ON From Grief. We Move Forward With It | Dr. Joanne Cacciatore on We Do Hard Things

Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, a research professor at Arizona State University, discusses the role of fear as a protective emotion. She emphasizes that fear is meant to safeguard us from threats, but it's our suppression of emotions that leads to trouble. As someone dedicated to helping people navigate trauma and grief, she shares insights on how acknowledging and conversing with our fear can be beneficial. She also touches on the importance of not chasing happiness but finding it through service to others.

Dr. Cacciatore further explores the significance of addressing death and trauma head-on. She posits that such confrontations with existential threats can profoundly shift our awareness and lead to a more authentic and connected life. She explains that avoiding these topics doesn't help us live fully and instead creates a fragmented existence. Her work and research are centered around helping people deal with traumatic grief, such as the loss of a child, and she stresses the importance of community and compassion in these processes.

In this paragraph, Dr. Cacciatore discusses a study she conducted about the sources of grief support. Surprisingly, animals and pets were found to be the most effective source of support, surpassing human groups. This is attributed to the human neocortex, which creates fear-based narratives that distance people from the grieving process. She also talks about the loneliness that is a hallmark of traumatic grief and how societal discomfort with the topic marginalizes those who are suffering.

Dr. Cacciatore delves into the unique pain parents face when they lose a child. She differentiates between the fear of one's own death and the devastation of losing a child. She shares her personal experiences and reflections, noting that the daily contemplation of her own mortality is a constant hum in her life. Her work primarily involves supporting those who have experienced the traumatic loss of a child, and she stresses the importance of living consciously and fearlessly within the reality of life's brevity.

The discussion continues with Dr. Cacciatore sharing her views on the language used to describe grief and loss. She expresses her discomfort with the concept of 'opportunity' arising from loss, advocating instead for the recognition of 'meaning.' She argues that finding beauty or joy after loss is a personal and internal process, and that external pressures to move on quickly are unhelpful. Her personal experience with the death of her daughter and her work with grieving individuals underscore the depth of her understanding of the topic.

Dr. Cacciatore criticizes the approach of using pharmaceuticals to treat grief, as seen in the case of the drug naltrexone. She finds it concerning that the intended effect of the drug is to sever the connection to the deceased, which she sees as a form of psychological violence. She argues that grief is a natural response that should not be pathologized or medicalized, and that society's focus on happiness and avoidance of pain is detrimental to the grieving process.

In the final paragraph, Dr. Cacciatore stresses the importance of compassion in dealing with grief and loss. She believes that compassion, literally being with the suffering of others, is the key to a more meaningful and connected life. She shares her personal philosophy that there is no 'other,' only a unified oneness, and that acting compassionately toward others is also an act of compassion toward oneself. Her work and life are dedicated to fostering this sense of compassion in a world that she sees as deeply in need of it.