If You Want More From Someone Who’s Not Ready DO NOT CHASE Do THIS Instead

Matthew Hussey
9 Apr 202316:03
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRIn this video, the speaker addresses the emotional turmoil of being in a one-sided relationship where the other person is not ready for commitment. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing and accepting the difference in visions, the struggle of anxious attachment, and the need for creating a personal environment of safety to heal and grow. They offer advice on how to handle the situation by setting boundaries and focusing on self-improvement. The video also promotes a 30-day confidence challenge to strengthen one's resolve and achieve personal goals.

Takeaways
  • 📅 The 30-day confidence challenge is starting soon and can be joined for free by visiting mhchallenge.com.
  • 🔒 The person in question is not ready for a relationship, which puts the individual on someone else's timeline rather than their own.
  • 🔄 The person's desire to stay in touch despite not wanting a relationship can reignite feelings and complicate the situation for someone with anxious attachment.
  • 💔 It's important to acknowledge that wanting different things doesn't make someone a bad person, but it does create a mismatch in expectations.
  • 🔑 The concept of 'right' and 'wrong' people is based on whether they help you move towards a secure attachment style or exacerbate your anxious tendencies.
  • 🚫 In situations where the other person is not ready for a relationship, it's crucial for the individual to create an environment of safety for themselves to heal and feel secure.
  • 💬 Communication is key; if the other person is confused about what they want, it's important to express the need for clarity and the inability to maintain contact under current conditions.
  • 📝 Writing down the reasons for leaving and the truth about the situation can provide a reference point during moments of doubt or temptation to reconnect.
  • 🕊 Grief is a natural part of letting go, but it's accompanied by a growing sense of safety and relief, which contrasts with the false hope and anxiety of staying.
  • ⏳ Time is precious and irreplaceable; it's important to prioritize personal growth and well-being over staying in a relationship that doesn't fulfill one's needs.
  • 💪 Strengthening one's confidence through challenges and self-reflection can help in making and sticking to decisions that align with one's vision for life.
Q & A

  • What is the main topic of the video script?

    -The main topic of the video script is about dealing with a romantic interest who is not ready for a relationship, and how to handle the emotional turmoil that ensues, especially for someone with an anxious attachment style.

  • What is the 30-day confidence challenge mentioned in the script?

    -The 30-day confidence challenge is a program that the speaker is promoting, which aims to help participants build confidence over a period of 30 days through a series of missions and live coaching sessions.

  • Why is it difficult for the person in the script to maintain no contact with the romantic interest?

    -It is difficult because the person is anxiously attached, which makes them more inclined to reach out or reply to the romantic interest's messages, rekindling the connection and the emotional turmoil.

  • What does the speaker suggest is the fundamental issue with the person's situation in the script?

    -The fundamental issue is that the person's vision of wanting a relationship is not aligned with the romantic interest's vision of not being ready for one, which puts the person on someone else's timeline rather than their own.

  • What is the role of 'hope' in the person's inability to leave the situation described in the script?

    -Hope plays a role in keeping the person in the situation because they may believe that the romantic interest might change their mind or that the situation will improve, despite evidence to the contrary.

  • What is the importance of creating an environment of safety according to the speaker?

    -Creating an environment of safety is crucial for healing and personal growth. It allows the person to feel secure, which is essential for overcoming anxious attachment and moving towards a more secure attachment style.

  • What does the speaker mean by 'the right person' in the context of the script?

    -The 'right person' is someone who can provide the necessary emotional safety and support that allows the individual to heal and grow, moving them towards a secure attachment style.

  • How does the speaker define 'false hope' in the context of the script?

    -'False hope' is defined as the expectation that the romantic interest will change their stance on the relationship, despite consistent evidence that they are not ready or willing to do so.

  • What strategy does the speaker suggest to deal with the temptation to reconnect with the person who is not ready for a relationship?

    -The speaker suggests capturing the moment of truth when the person realizes the situation is not progressing and writing down the reasons for leaving. This written record can be referred back to when tempted to reconnect.

  • Why is it important to treat one's time as the most prized asset according to the speaker?

    -Treating time as the most prized asset is important because it is irreplaceable, and relationships or potential partners are replaceable. It helps the person prioritize their own well-being and life goals over a relationship that does not meet their needs.

  • What is the purpose of the 30-day confidence challenge according to the speaker?

    -The purpose of the 30-day confidence challenge is to strengthen participants' confidence and certainty about their needs and desires, enabling them to make and stick to decisions that align with their life vision.

Outlines
00:00
🔒 Seeking Security in Relationships

The speaker addresses a common dilemma where one person desires a relationship while the other is not ready, leading to emotional distress. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and respecting one's own timeline and desires, rather than being swayed by someone else's vision. The speaker discusses the challenges faced by those with anxious attachment styles, who may struggle with feelings of insecurity and constant longing for the unavailable person. They suggest that finding a 'right person' who can provide a sense of safety and emotional healing is key to moving towards a secure attachment style. The speaker also points out the difficulty of letting go of hope and the need to create an environment that fosters personal safety and healing.

05:00
🌱 Prioritizing Personal Safety and Healing

Continuing the discussion, the speaker stresses the importance of creating a safe environment for oneself to heal and feel secure. They highlight the need to set boundaries with individuals who do not meet one's basic needs for safety, suggesting that maintaining contact with someone who is unsure about the relationship can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and insecurity. The speaker advises having clear conversations about one's needs and being prepared to step away from relationships that do not align with one's desires. They also touch on the process of grieving that comes with letting go and the eventual sense of relief and growing safety that follows.

10:03
💔 Overcoming the Cycle of Hope and Anxiety

The speaker delves into the struggle of breaking off from a person who is not ready for a relationship, explaining why individuals often find themselves going back to such situations. They discuss the emotional seesaw between hope and the realization that no progress has been made in the relationship. The speaker suggests capturing moments of truth and clarity, where one acknowledges the reality of the situation, and writing these down to serve as a reminder during times of weakness. They emphasize the importance of valuing one's time and life as irreplaceable assets, and making decisions that align with one's vision for the future.

15:05
🚀 Embracing the 30-Day Confidence Challenge

In the final paragraph, the speaker introduces the 30-day confidence challenge, an initiative aimed at strengthening one's sense of self-worth and confidence. They invite the audience to participate in this free program, which includes live coaching sessions and a supportive community. The speaker expresses excitement about the upcoming kickoff call and the opportunity for participants to grow and make decisions that are in line with their best interests. The paragraph concludes with an invitation to sign up at mhchallenge.com and a promise to see participants soon.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Confidence Challenge
The 'Confidence Challenge' is a 30-day program designed to help individuals build self-assurance and self-worth. In the video, it's mentioned as an upcoming event where participants can sign up for free to improve their confidence levels. The challenge is used as a tool to empower individuals to make decisions that align with their personal growth and well-being.
💡Anxious Attachment
An 'Anxiously Attached' individual tends to have a strong desire for closeness and fear of abandonment in relationships. In the script, the person asking for advice is described as having an anxious attachment style, which leads to suffering when the person they are interested in does not want a relationship, causing them to feel insecure and constantly anxious about the connection.
💡No Contact
'No Contact' is a strategy where one cuts off all communication with another person, often used to create distance and heal after a breakup or unrequited feelings. The script mentions that the person has tried the 'no contact' approach but finds it difficult to maintain due to the other person's continued attempts to stay in touch.
💡Secure Attachment Style
A 'Secure Attachment Style' refers to an individual's ability to have a healthy balance of autonomy and closeness in relationships. The video discusses the possibility of moving from an anxious or avoidant attachment style to a more secure one by being in a safe and nurturing environment that promotes emotional healing.
💡Wrong Person
The 'Wrong Person' in the context of the video is someone who does not fulfill one's emotional needs or contribute positively to one's emotional well-being. The speaker explains that being with the wrong person can exacerbate one's attachment issues, leading to more suffering rather than healing.
💡Safety
'Safety' in the video refers to the emotional security one feels in a relationship or environment. It is described as a fundamental need that, when unmet, can lead to anxiety and distress. The speaker emphasizes the importance of creating a safe environment for oneself to heal and grow emotionally.
💡Grief and Relief
'Grief and Relief' are emotional responses discussed in the video when one decides to let go of a relationship that does not serve them. Grief is the natural response to loss, while relief comes from the recognition of creating a healthier situation for oneself. The speaker contrasts these with the continuous anxiety and false hope that comes from staying in an unsatisfactory relationship.
💡Hope and Anxiety
In the video, 'Hope and Anxiety' are presented as contrasting emotions experienced when one is in a relationship that is not fulfilling their needs. While hope may keep one attached to the possibility of a better future with the other person, anxiety is the constant unease stemming from the reality of the situation. The speaker argues that it's better to experience grief and find safety than to stay in a state of false hope and anxiety.
💡Moment of Truth
A 'Moment of Truth' is a pivotal instant when one realizes the reality of their situation, leading to a decision or change in behavior. In the script, it is suggested that capturing this moment by writing down one's feelings and reasons for making a change can provide clarity and strength in times of emotional weakness or temptation to revert to old patterns.
💡Irreplaceable
'Irreplaceable' is used in the video to emphasize the unique and non-replicable nature of one's life and time. The speaker urges the audience to value their time as their most precious asset, suggesting that while potential partners may come and go, one's life is a finite resource that should be treated with the utmost respect and care.
💡Live Coaching Kickoff Call
A 'Live Coaching Kickoff Call' is an introductory session for a coaching program, where participants are given an overview and an opportunity to engage with the coach and other participants. In the video, it is mentioned as an upcoming event on April 13th, where the 30-day confidence challenge will be launched, offering a community experience and missions to work on over the 30 days.
Highlights

Introduction of the 30-day confidence challenge with a sign-up opportunity at mhchallenge.com.

The dilemma of maintaining contact with someone who is not ready for a relationship, contrasting with personal readiness for one.

Understanding that differing visions in a relationship can lead to being on someone else's timeline rather than one's own.

The challenge of letting go of someone who is not a bad person but has different desires.

The struggle of anxious attachment in a relationship where security is not reciprocated.

The importance of being in an environment that promotes healing and security for personal growth.

Defining the 'right person' as someone who helps you feel secure and heal, contrasting with the 'wrong person' who exacerbates insecurities.

The impact of anxious attachment on daily life when in a relationship with uncertainty.

The difficulty of achieving security in an inherently unsafe environment due to the other person's indecisiveness.

The necessity of creating a personal environment of safety to heal and grow.

The importance of setting boundaries with someone who is not meeting your needs for safety in a relationship.

The grieving process and the growth of safety after leaving an unsatisfactory relationship.

The false hope and anxiety that persist when staying in a relationship that doesn't fulfill one's needs.

The temporary nature of grief compared to the continuous anxiety of staying in an unfulfilling relationship.

The strategy of capturing moments of truth and writing them down to maintain clarity and avoid backsliding.

The value of time as an irreplaceable asset and the importance of prioritizing it in life decisions.

The upcoming 30-day confidence challenge as a tool to strengthen confidence and achieve life goals.

Invitation to join the live coaching kickoff call on April 13th as part of the 30-day confidence challenge.

Details on how to access the live session and the private community for the 30-day confidence challenge.

Transcripts

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Relationship AdviceAnxiety ReliefSelf-HealingAttachment StylesEmotional SafetyPersonal GrowthDecision Making30-Day ChallengeLive CoachingSelf-Confidence