Buddhist Monk: Why You Feel Lost In Life & How To Reinvent Yourself | Gelong Thubten

The speaker discusses how modern society is addicted to distractions like alcohol, social media, and online shopping. They argue that these addictions stem from our inability to face discomfort and pain. The speaker reflects on their experience of emerging from a four-year retreat in 2009 and being shocked by the technological advancements that had made society more distracted and addicted. The speaker emphasizes that distraction prevents people from facing their feelings, which only increases dissatisfaction.

The speaker explains how reactivity and being triggered by others can become a habit. They suggest that changing this habit involves not seeing external factors as the cause of suffering but instead working on the mind itself. By focusing on one's reactions and adopting compassion and acceptance, one can transform their relationship with external events and improve their perception of the world. The speaker recounts their experience of ambition and anxiety in their twenties and how they coped with it through excessive partying, leading to severe burnout.

The speaker shares their journey of recovering from severe burnout by becoming a monk. After experiencing symptoms of a heart attack, the speaker sought refuge in their mother's home and began reading about meditation and Buddhism. Inspired, they joined a monastery in Scotland for a year, which significantly improved their health and well-being. The speaker highlights the importance of learning to meditate and developing a healthier way of living to recover from burnout and find inner peace.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of embracing hard times as opportunities for growth. They argue that suffering can be the most fertile ground for developing inner strength, resilience, and compassion. The speaker provides methods for working with discomfort through meditation and suggests that learning to transform suffering in the moment is more powerful than looking back with gratitude. By reframing suffering as an opportunity, individuals can find ways to grow and develop compassion and strength.

The speaker discusses the transformative power of compassion and the importance of not being emotionally reactive. They share a personal mantra, "If I was that other person, I'd be doing exactly the same as them," which helps them lead with compassion and avoid stress. The speaker emphasizes that compassion allows for a calmer, more rational approach to dealing with difficult situations, rather than tolerating or accepting bad behavior. This approach helps individuals change their energy and deal with situations more effectively.

The speaker reflects on their tendency to go from one extreme to another, from being a party animal in New York to becoming a monk in Scotland. They explain how their initial decision to become a monk came from a place of desperation and burnout, but over time, their motivation evolved to a deeper, more meaningful commitment to the philosophy of compassion. The speaker highlights that true transformation comes from a place of inner strength and alignment with one's values, rather than from extreme actions.

The speaker talks about giving up intoxicants, such as alcohol, to discover more inner strength and autonomy. They mention still enjoying coffee and discuss the subtleties of giving up substances that help with relaxation to find that ability within oneself. The speaker highlights that this process of letting go of external aids for relaxation can enhance one's internal power and ability to find peace and happiness independently.

The speaker shares a story about a patient who became stressed when her Bluetooth headphones didn't work, highlighting how modern conveniences create dependencies. They discuss the broader issue of society's reliance on external sources of comfort and entertainment, which can undermine personal strength and sovereignty. The speaker suggests that reducing reliance on such externalities can lead to greater internal resilience and a more sustainable way of living.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of mindful consumption, comparing the use of technology to food. They argue that just as constant consumption of sugar can make one ill, excessive use of technology without balance can be detrimental. The speaker suggests using technology in a balanced way, as a tool for nutrition rather than constant indulgence, to maintain a healthier mental state and avoid over-reliance on external sources for happiness.

The speaker shares how they reframed their experience of stress and discomfort during a hot, crowded tube ride in London by practicing mindfulness. By focusing on sensations like the weight of their bag and their breathing, they transformed the situation into a positive, relaxing experience. The speaker suggests using mindfulness to reframe stressful situations, turning them into opportunities for growth and relaxation rather than sources of frustration.

The speaker addresses common misconceptions about meditation, particularly the idea that it requires clearing the mind. They explain that meditation is about changing the relationship with thoughts and emotions, not eliminating them. The speaker emphasizes that noticing distractions and gently bringing attention back to the present moment is the essence of meditation, which helps build mental strength and resilience over time.

The speaker compares meditation to lifting weights, explaining that distractions during meditation are like weights that build mental strength when overcome. They emphasize that the act of returning focus to the breath after distraction is what strengthens the mind. The speaker encourages viewing distractions as opportunities to build this mental 'muscle,' reframing meditation as a practice of continually bringing the mind back to the present moment.

The speaker debunks the myth that meditation is about having a clear mind, explaining that it involves changing the dynamic with thoughts. They highlight that getting distracted and bringing focus back is a crucial part of meditation. The speaker introduces a practical exercise of counting breaths to develop focus, acknowledging the challenge but emphasizing its benefits in improving attention and awareness.

The speaker recounts their experience of a nine-month solitary meditation retreat, where they confronted deep-seated feelings of self-disgust. They explain that intense meditation sessions helped them understand and work through these emotions, ultimately deciding to continue their monastic life. The speaker emphasizes that such deep meditation can reveal underlying emotional issues, but also provides tools to transform these feelings into growth and self-acceptance.

The speaker discusses how even challenging environments like prisons can be reframed into opportunities for meditation and mindfulness. They share an anecdote of teaching meditation in a prison, encouraging inmates to use the harsh sounds of prison life as mindful moments. The speaker highlights the power of reframing situations to transform experiences of confinement into opportunities for growth and inner peace.

The speaker recounts an experience of using mindfulness to transform a stressful tube ride into a relaxing and rejuvenating moment. By focusing on the physical sensations and practicing mindfulness from stop to stop, they managed to change their attitude towards the discomfort, illustrating how mindfulness can turn everyday challenges into opportunities for relaxation and mental training.

The speaker redefines acceptance not as grim resignation but as a compassionate, active state of embracing discomfort. They explain that our culture's constant pursuit of comfort has made us less resilient to discomfort. Acceptance involves opening up to pain and suffering with kindness, which can transform our relationship with these experiences and reduce their negative impact.

The speaker explores the nature of emotions, explaining that they are more intense forms of thoughts that can easily trap us. They discuss the Buddhist perspective of three root emotions: fear, anger, and desire, and argue that fear underpins most emotions. The speaker emphasizes that emotions are not inherently negative but become problematic when they dominate our reactions. Through meditation, we can learn to understand and transform our emotional responses.

The speaker discusses anger and its tendency to proliferate if not addressed directly. They emphasize that anger should be examined within oneself rather than focusing on its external triggers. By meditating on the physical sensations of anger and observing it without attaching to the story behind it, one can transform anger into a source of personal growth and freedom.

The speaker explains that forgiveness is more about liberating oneself from the burden of anger than absolving the other person. They describe anger as holding a hot coal that burns the holder, and forgiveness as putting the coal down. Letting go of anger frees one from ongoing suffering and helps achieve inner peace.