Becoming Trauma Informed Changed My Life | Carla Carlisle | TEDxCharlotte

TEDx Talks
9 Feb 202113:29
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRIn this powerful narrative, a foster mother recounts the life-altering impact of trauma on her adopted son, J.C., and the arduous journey to overcome intergenerational trauma. After enduring physical abuse and witnessing his parents' violent lifestyle, J.C. exhibited severe behavioral changes and contemplated suicide. Through relentless advocacy, love, and trauma-informed therapy, she secured custody and helped him transition from surviving to thriving, emphasizing the importance of support and open conversations around mental health.

Takeaways
  • 👊 The script recounts a personal experience of being physically assaulted by her son's birth mother, which served as a wake-up call to the reality of the situation.
  • 👶 The narrator became a foster mother to JC, a premature baby, and later experienced the heartbreak of him being returned to his birth parents, fearing for his safety.
  • 🔄 The concept of intergenerational trauma is introduced, highlighting the cycle of adverse experiences that can be passed down through generations.
  • 📊 CDC's study on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) is mentioned, emphasizing the severe impact on brain development and long-term health, including a 1200 times higher likelihood of suicide attempts.
  • 🤲 The script underscores the importance of a loving advocate in a child's life, as shown by the CDC study, which can alter the trajectory of a child's future.
  • 🏡 The narrator's commitment to co-parenting and providing for JC and his birth parents, despite the challenges and personal danger, is highlighted.
  • 🚫 The legal limitations faced by the narrator, having no legal rights over JC initially, which hindered her ability to protect him effectively.
  • 🆘 The urgency of the situation is conveyed through JC's suicide attempts and the narrator's subsequent swift action to gain emergency custody.
  • 🏆 The long and arduous legal battle for permanent custody, including restraining orders and facing death threats, is described.
  • 💖 The successful adoption of JC and the narrator's transformation into his loving advocate, committed to his well-being and recovery.
  • 🧠 The recognition of JC's multiple diagnoses and the deeper issue of developmental delays and behavioral changes due to his adverse experiences.
  • 🌱 The personal impact on the narrator, including anxiety, depression, and the journey towards healing through therapy, self-care, and advocacy.
  • 🗣️ The power of sharing personal stories to normalize conversations around mental health and trauma, promoting healing and support.
  • 🔗 The bond formed between the narrator and JC, not just as mother and son, but as companions in their journey towards overcoming trauma.
Q & A

  • What significant event occurred that led the speaker to become more aware of trauma?

    -The speaker was slapped by her son's birth mother while driving with her son in the back seat, which was a wake-up call for her to the reality of the situation and the impact of trauma.

  • What is the relationship between the speaker and JC?

    -The speaker is JC's foster mother, who later became his legal guardian and adoptive mother after a series of traumatic events and legal battles.

  • What was the turning point for JC that indicated the severity of his trauma?

    -JC's first attempt at suicide at the age of six, which prompted the speaker to take immediate action to secure emergency custody and provide him with the necessary support.

  • What role did the speaker believe she could play in JC's life to help him overcome trauma?

    -The speaker believed she could be a 'loving advocate' for JC, providing a safe and supportive environment that could potentially change the course of his life.

  • What is the impact of adverse childhood experiences on a child's development according to the CDC study mentioned?

    -Adverse childhood experiences can lead to issues with brain development, physical health problems, and are linked to a significantly higher likelihood of suicide attempts later in life.

  • How did the speaker's childhood differ from JC's?

    -The speaker's childhood was filled with love and safety, resembling the wholesome environment of 'The Cosby Show' set in a small factory town, whereas JC's childhood was marred by violence, neglect, and exposure to dangerous situations.

  • What was the speaker's initial approach to co-parenting with JC's birth parents?

    -The speaker initially provided for JC and his birth parents by supplying food, clothing, and shelter, hoping to help them break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

  • What legal actions did the speaker have to take to ensure JC's safety and well-being?

    -The speaker had to secure emergency custody, engage in a lengthy court battle for permanent custody, and deal with restraining orders and death threats from JC's birth parents.

  • How did the speaker's personal experiences with trauma affect her mental health?

    -The speaker experienced anxiety and depression as a result of the trauma she faced, which she later addressed through therapy, prayer, self-care, and sharing her story.

  • What is the significance of being 'trauma-informed' as described by the speaker?

    -Being 'trauma-informed' means understanding the impact of trauma on individuals and being equipped with the knowledge and skills to support and advocate for them effectively.

  • What message does the speaker convey about the potential for healing and growth after experiencing trauma?

    -The speaker emphasizes that while the effects of trauma cannot be completely erased, individuals can learn from their experiences, become advocates for themselves and others, and find healing through open conversation and support.

Outlines
00:00
🌟 Awakening to the Reality of Trauma

The narrator describes a pivotal moment when she was struck by her son's birth mother while driving. This incident led her to a profound realization about the importance of being trauma-informed. She shares her journey of becoming a foster mom to her son, JC, highlighting the challenges and emotional struggles she faced. The narrative underscores the impact of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and the importance of having a loving advocate to mitigate their effects.

05:02
💔 The Slap That Changed Everything

The narrator reflects on the moment she realized that her efforts to provide a safe environment for JC were insufficient, as evidenced by the physical assault she endured. She recounts the subsequent emotional and legal battles to gain custody of JC after he expressed suicidal thoughts. The narrative explores the challenges of dealing with JC's trauma and behavioral issues, her commitment to becoming trauma-informed, and the hope that sustained her throughout the difficult journey.

10:02
🙏 Healing Through Advocacy and Support

The narrator discusses the long-term effects of domestic violence and trauma on both her and JC. She shares their progress through trauma-informed therapy and the development of coping skills. The story emphasizes the importance of a supportive community, therapy, prayer, and self-care in their healing process. It concludes with the narrator's newfound purpose in advocacy and the power of sharing experiences to foster understanding and healing.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Trauma
Trauma refers to deeply distressing or disturbing experiences that can have lasting emotional effects on an individual. In the video, trauma is the central theme, as it discusses the impact of adverse childhood experiences on a child's development and mental health. The script mentions physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as neglect, as examples of trauma that can lead to severe consequences such as suicide attempts.
💡Intergenerational Trauma
Intergenerational trauma is the transmission of traumatic experiences, their effects, and the coping mechanisms developed in response to them, across generations within a family. The video script highlights the speaker's efforts to break this cycle, showing the long-term impact of trauma on the child's life and the importance of addressing it to prevent its perpetuation.
💡Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
Adverse Childhood Experiences are potentially traumatic events that occur in childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or witnessing violence, that can have negative, lasting effects on health and well-being. The script provides a study by the Centers for Disease Control that links ACEs with increased risks of mental health issues and suicide, underscoring the significance of these experiences.
💡Suicide
Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death. The video script reveals the alarming statistic that children with severe ACEs are 1200 times more likely to attempt suicide, illustrating the gravity of the impact of trauma on mental health and the urgency to address it.
💡Loving Advocate
A loving advocate in the context of the video is someone who provides consistent support, care, and positive influence to help a child overcome the effects of trauma. The script emphasizes the transformative power of having just one such person in a child's life, as it can change their trajectory from merely surviving to thriving.
💡Custody Battle
A custody battle is a legal dispute over the guardianship of a child, often involving parents or other family members. In the video, the speaker describes her struggle to gain custody of JC to protect him from a harmful environment, highlighting the legal challenges and emotional toll of such battles.
💡PTSD
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event. The script mentions PTSD as one of the multiple diagnoses JC received, indicating the profound psychological impact of his traumatic experiences.
💡Developmental Delays
Developmental delays refer to a child's slower progress in meeting developmental milestones compared to their peers. The video script connects JC's adverse childhood experiences with developmental delays, suggesting that trauma can significantly affect a child's growth and development.
💡Trauma-Informed
Being trauma-informed means understanding, recognizing, and responding to the effects of all types of trauma. The speaker in the video becomes trauma-informed to better support JC, learning to connect his behaviors to his experiences and providing appropriate care and support.
💡Hyper Vigilance
Hyper vigilance is a state of constant alertness and anxiety, often experienced by individuals who have been through trauma. The script describes how the speaker lived in hyper vigilance mode due to the ongoing threat from the birth parents, which continued even after the immediate danger had passed.
💡Advocacy
Advocacy involves actively supporting or promoting a cause, often through public support or by raising awareness. In the video, the speaker finds power in advocacy by sharing her and JC's journey, normalizing conversations around mental health and trauma, and helping to foster healing.
Highlights

A mother recounts the moment she was slapped by her son's birth mother while driving with her son in the car, which served as a wake-up call.

The importance of being trauma-informed is emphasized through the speaker's personal journey and passion.

JC, the son, was brought into the speaker's life as a foster child, and the emotional impact of him being sent back to his birth parents.

The concept of intergenerational trauma and its cycle is introduced, highlighting the speaker's determination to help break it.

CDC study results on the long-term effects of adverse childhood experiences, including increased risk of suicide.

The potential of a single loving advocate to change a child's life trajectory, as revealed by the CDC study.

The speaker's commitment to providing for JC and his birth parents, despite the challenges of co-parenting.

The realization that the speaker herself was in danger and the impact it had on her ability to keep JC safe.

JC's expression of suicidal thoughts to his kindergarten teacher and the speaker's feeling of helplessness due to lack of legal rights.

The drastic measures the speaker took to gain emergency custody of JC after he attempted suicide.

The legal battles, including restraining orders and custody fights, that the speaker endured to protect JC.

The journey to permanent custody and the emotional toll it took on the speaker.

The adoption of JC and the speaker's transformation into the loving advocate she aspired to be.

The challenges JC faced, including multiple diagnoses and behavioral changes, and the speaker's quest to understand them.

The impact of trauma on JC's development and behavior, moving from a gentle child to one with aggressive tendencies.

The speaker's personal struggle with anxiety, depression, and the effects of living in a state of hyper vigilance.

The healing process for both the speaker and JC through trauma-informed therapy and the development of coping skills.

The importance of community support and the creation of a safe environment for JC to feel protected.

The speaker's reinvention through her life's journey, finding purpose in advocacy and the power in sharing her story.

The message of hope that despite the lasting effects of trauma, it is possible to move from survival to thriving with the right support.

The speaker's gratitude for the bond formed with JC and the significance of their journey together.

Transcripts

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Trauma InformedParentingChild AbuseCustody BattleSuicide PreventionMental HealthFoster CareAdvocacyHealingResilience