Shunned Amish Woman interview-Mary
TLDRThe speaker, born into an Amish family in Pennsylvania, shares her profound journey of escaping from the Amish community at the age of 19 due to various forms of abuse, including religious trauma, child sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse. She discusses the complexities of the Amish culture, emphasizing the diversity within settlements and the importance of not stereotyping. After reporting the abuse, she faced shunning and ostracization from her community. The speaker highlights the challenges of leaving the Amish life, including the impact on family relationships and the struggle to assimilate into the dominant culture. She also touches on the genetic implications of the Amish practice of endogamy and the personal growth she experienced through education, military service, and self-reflection. The narrative concludes with a call to action against abuse and a reflection on the enduring influence of her Amish heritage, which she has chosen to reclaim in a way that is personally empowering and liberating.
Takeaways
- 🧵 The speaker uses knitting and crochet as metaphors for discussing life experiences and coping mechanisms.
- 🏠 Mary was born into an Amish family in Pennsylvania and experienced significant family tragedy and abuse.
- 🚫 At the age of 19, Mary escaped from the Amish community due to the abuse she faced, which included religious trauma, child sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse.
- 🤔 She challenges stereotypes about the Amish community, emphasizing that not all Amish people are the same and that their experiences can vary widely between different settlements.
- 📚 Mary highlights the importance of understanding the nuances within the Amish community, such as differing rules and practices, and the impact of language barriers on communication and integration.
- 🚨 She discusses the consequences of reporting abuse within the Amish community, including being shunned and the community's rallying around the perpetrators.
- 💪 Mary's decision to join the Army was a way to escape her past and gain a new perspective on life, values, and people.
- 🌈 After leaving the military and facing personal challenges, Mary embraced her queer identity and committed to living her life authentically.
- 👗 She reclaims her Amish heritage by wearing a colorful Amish-style dress that defies the strict rules of her former community, symbolizing personal freedom and self-expression.
- 🤝 Mary has not had contact with her practicing Amish family since 2018 and was told never to return, illustrating the severe impact of shunning on familial relationships.
- 🌟 She encourages others to consider their stance on combating abuse and to educate themselves on the experiences of marginalized individuals within the Amish community.
Q & A
Where was Mary born and what was her family background?
-Mary was born in Pennsylvania to an Amish family and was the sixth child and only girl at that time.
What tragic event occurred in Mary's life when she was five years old?
-When Mary was five, her seven-year-old cousin, her uncle, and her biological father were all killed in a tragic car buggy accident.
How did Mary's family situation change when she was twelve?
-Mary's biological mother remarried a widower from Wisconsin when Mary was twelve, and they moved to Wisconsin.
What kind of abuse did Mary experience within her Amish community?
-Mary experienced various forms of abuse including religious trauma, child sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse.
How does Mary describe the Amish community's response to her reporting the abuse?
-Mary was shunned by the community, and the church did not follow its own rules regarding the shunning process. Some members of the community rallied around the perpetrators and even lied to law enforcement about Mary's whereabouts.
What does Mary say about the stereotype of the Amish community allowing its members to experience the world before making a decision?
-Mary explains that this stereotype is not accurate for all Amish settlements. In the ones she lived in, there was no opportunity to 'rumspringa' or experience the world outside the Amish community without repercussions.
How did Mary's life change after escaping from the Amish community?
-Mary reported the abuse, leading to arrests and prosecutions. She then joined the Army, moved multiple times, and eventually pursued higher education, obtaining an associate's degree.
What misconceptions does Mary address about the Amish community?
-Mary addresses the misconception that all Amish people are either entirely good or entirely bad, emphasizing the diversity within the community and the importance of not stereotyping.
How does Mary describe the impact of her Amish heritage on her identity?
-Mary acknowledges that despite leaving the Amish community, her heritage is still a part of her identity. She has reclaimed her heritage by creating a colorful Amish-style dress that reflects her personal freedom and self-expression.
What does Mary suggest for people who want to understand the Amish community better?
-Mary suggests listening to the 'Plain People's Podcast' and recognizing that not all plain people are Amish. She also encourages considering the experiences of the most marginalized within Amish communities.
How does Mary reflect on her personal journey regarding her sexual orientation?
-Mary struggled with internalized homophobic ideas due to her upbringing. She came to accept her own queerness, recognizing that it does not diminish her value or change her inherent self.
What is Mary's stance on the issue of combating abuse within communities?
-Mary strongly advocates for taking a stand against abuse. She challenges others to consider their own positions and actions regarding the issue, emphasizing the importance of being part of the solution rather than the problem.
Outlines
😀 Life Experiences and Amish Upbringing
The speaker discusses her life experiences, including being born into an Amish family in Pennsylvania as the only girl among ten children. She recounts the tragic loss of family members in a car accident and the remarriage of her mother to a widower with a large family. She also shares her escape from the Amish community at 19 due to various forms of abuse, the arrest and prosecution of five family members, and the stereotypes and lack of understanding people have about the Amish community.
🏡 Amish Settlements and Cultural Diversity
The speaker highlights the diversity within Amish settlements, emphasizing that each has its own set of rules, which can vary significantly. She talks about her experiences with different practices regarding youth courtship and the lack of affiliation between settlements. The speaker also addresses the language barrier many Amish people face, as English is often a second language for them, and the impact this has on their integration into the dominant culture.
🚫 Shunning and Its Impact
The speaker describes the practice of shunning within the Amish community, which led to her being ostracized after reporting abuse. She details the emotional aftermath of being shunned, including the community's rallying around the perpetrators and the false accusations made against her. She also discusses the importance of understanding the nuances of the Amish culture, including their language and the potential need for translators when dealing with social services.
💔 Consequences of Reporting Abuse
The speaker shares her personal journey after reporting abuse within her Amish community, including the repercussions she faced from her own community. She talks about the church's failure to follow its own rules regarding shunning and the community's support for the perpetrators. The speaker also discusses her decision to join the Army to escape her situation and the transformative experiences and values she gained from her military service.
🌈 Embracing Diversity and Heritage
The speaker reflects on her experiences after leaving the Amish community, including her struggle with self-acceptance and the importance of understanding her cultural heritage. She talks about the impact of the Amish tourism industry and the genetic challenges faced by the community due to a history of inbreeding. The speaker also shares her journey of self-discovery and the process of reclaiming her heritage on her own terms.
🧵 Reclaiming Amish Dress and Identity
The speaker describes how she has taken elements of her Amish upbringing and re-interpreted them in a way that feels authentic and liberating to her. She discusses the specific rules and restrictions of Amish dress and how her current attire, while inspired by her Amish past, defies those norms. The speaker also touches on the process of making peace with her past and finding joy in her cultural heritage.
📉 The Pain of Shunning and Family Estrangement
The speaker shares her experiences with the harmful effects of shunning within the Amish community, which led to the estrangement from her biological family. She talks about the pain of being excluded from family events and the loss of connection with her practicing Amish family. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of understanding the varied experiences within the Amish community and the need for nuance in these discussions.
🤔 Personal Choice and the Broader Impact
The speaker ponders the difficult choices faced by those considering leaving the Amish community and the potential social consequences of doing so. She reflects on her own decision to report abuse and the subsequent shunning she experienced. The speaker also challenges the listener to consider their stance on combating abuse and to take action, rather than being part of the problem.
💭 Reflection and Call to Action
The speaker concludes with a profound reflection on personal responsibility and the importance of standing against abuse. She recalls advice given to her about the importance of choosing to be part of the solution rather than the problem. The speaker invites the listener to consider the experiences of marginalized individuals within the Amish community and to educate themselves further on these issues.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Amish
💡Shunning
💡Child Sexual Abuse
💡Religious Trauma
💡Rumspringa
💡Stereotyping
💡Pennsylvania Dutch
💡Genetic Disorders
💡Cultural Heritage
💡Internalized Homophobia
💡Mental Health
Highlights
Mary was born into an Amish family in Pennsylvania and experienced various forms of abuse within the community.
At the age of 19, Mary escaped from the Amish community, reporting the abuse and leading to the arrest and prosecution of five family members.
Mary discusses the stereotype of the 'Rumspringa', explaining that not all Amish settlements practice it, and it's a misconception that Amish youth can freely experience the world.
She emphasizes the diversity within the Amish community, noting different rules and practices across various settlements.
Mary highlights the issue of child sexual abuse within Amish settlements and the challenges of addressing it due to cultural and language barriers.
After leaving the Amish community, Mary faced shunning and was told never to return by her family.
Mary joined the Army to escape her situation and gain a new perspective, which helped her to better understand and communicate her experiences.
She obtained an associate degree and lived in Germany for five years, where she experienced personal growth and faced challenges related to her Amish heritage.
Mary addresses the internalized homophobia she experienced due to her Amish upbringing and her journey towards self-acceptance.
She talks about the importance of understanding the language differences and the impact of English as a second language within the Amish community.
Mary discusses the genetic implications of the Amish practice of endogamy, including the founder effect and specific genetic disorders within the community.
She shares her experience of reclaiming her heritage by remaking traditional Amish clothing in a way that feels empowering and personal to her.
Mary reflects on the lasting impact of her Amish background on her identity and the importance of acknowledging the complexity of her experiences.
Despite being shunned, Mary still feels a deep connection to her Amish heritage and has not lost her sense of self.
She stresses the importance of combating abuse within communities and asks listeners to consider their stance on the issue.
Mary encourages an understanding that people who leave the Amish community still carry their heritage with them.
The concept of choice and consent within the Amish community is questioned, particularly regarding baptism and the consequences of leaving.
Mary concludes by urging listeners to educate themselves on the experiences of marginalized people within the Amish community and to be part of the solution against abuse.
Transcripts
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