The Secret to Getting Anything You Want in Life given by Jennifer Cohen | Jen Cohen | TEDxBuckhead
TLDRThe video script emphasizes the importance of boldness in achieving one's dreams, arguing that self-doubt is the primary obstacle to success. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about her ambitious pursuit to become a VJ for MuchMusic, which involved a daring encounter with Keanu Reeves. Despite not achieving her immediate goal, she learned the value of taking action and asking for what she wanted. She introduces the '10% target' mindset, encouraging individuals to make ten attempts at what they desire most, normalizing failure and building resilience. The speaker's message is that boldness is a skill that can be developed, and by practicing it, one can overcome self-doubt, take risks, and ultimately find greater satisfaction and happiness in life.
Takeaways
- 😨 Fear and self-doubt are the main reasons why people don't achieve their goals.
- 🧐 Smart people can sometimes fail because they predict negative outcomes and hesitate to take action.
- 🌟 Boldness is a stronger indicator of success than intelligence and is the secret to getting what you want.
- 🎓 At 18, the speaker's bold dream was to become a VJ for MuchMusic, which seemed unattainable but was pursued anyway.
- 🎥 The speaker's bold move to get Keanu Reeves on her demo tape exemplifies taking action despite the odds.
- 📞 Persistence paid off when Keanu Reeves called back, showing that taking the initiative can lead to unexpected opportunities.
- 🚫 Despite not getting the job, the speaker learned the importance of asking for what you want and taking action.
- 🤔 The misconception that boldness is an innate trait is debunked; it's a skill that can be developed with practice.
- 🔢 The '10% Target' mindset encourages making ten attempts at what you want, normalizing failure and aiming for success.
- 💡 Most people don't ask for what they want, whether it's a job, a raise, or a relationship, and thus miss out on opportunities.
- 🍽 Being bold means asking for more, even in small things like ordering off-menu at a restaurant, which builds confidence for bigger asks.
- 📝 Write down what you want most in life and commit to making ten attempts to achieve it, embracing the possibility of failure.
- 💪 Practice and repetition make failure feel normal, training your brain to be bold and increasing your chances of success.
Q & A
What is the primary reason people don't get what they want in life according to the speaker?
-The primary reason is self-doubt, which stems from a fear of failure, rejection, and not being good enough.
Why does the speaker believe that boldness is a stronger indicator of success than intelligence?
-Boldness is a stronger indicator because bold people focus on the positive outcomes and take action, whereas smart people often predict negative outcomes and hesitate to act.
What was the speaker's big dream when she was 18 years old?
-The speaker's big dream was to become a VJ for MuchMusic, which is like MTV in Canada.
How did the speaker attempt to create a killer demo tape to get her dream job?
-She decided to get Keanu Reeves, a famous actor, to be on her demo tape to make it stand out and increase her chances of getting the job.
What did the speaker learn from her experience with Keanu Reeves and her pursuit of the VJ job?
-She learned the importance of asking for what you want and taking action, even if it means facing rejection or failure.
What is the speaker's definition of boldness?
-Boldness is the act of chasing what you want instead of settling for what's available or convenient.
What is the '10% target' mindset that the speaker developed?
-The '10% target' mindset involves making ten attempts at something you want most in life, with the understanding that you may fail 90% of the time but will become more comfortable with failure and more likely to succeed.
Why is it important to ask for what you want, according to the speaker?
-It is important to ask for what you want because most people don't even attempt to ask for their desired job, salary, or opportunities, and those who do ask are more likely to receive them.
How does the speaker suggest practicing boldness?
-The speaker suggests practicing boldness by making ten attempts at something you want, which will help you become comfortable with the possibility of failure and build resilience.
What is the main takeaway from the speaker's story about her pursuit of the VJ job at MuchMusic?
-The main takeaway is that even if you don't achieve the exact goal you set for yourself, the act of pursuing it can lead to valuable experiences and lessons that contribute to your personal growth and success.
What does the speaker believe about the misconception of boldness?
-The speaker believes that boldness is not something you are born with or without, but rather a skill that can be developed and improved with practice.
How does the speaker define success in relation to the '10% target'?
-The speaker defines success in relation to the '10% target' as either achieving the specific thing you want or discovering something new that you were meant to do through the process of attempting and potentially failing.
Outlines
🤔 Overcoming Self-Doubt and the Power of Boldness
The speaker begins by discussing the universal fear that prevents people from achieving their goals, identifying self-doubt as the root cause. They explain that self-doubt is a self-imposed narrative that can lead to a lack of action and failure to pursue one's desires. The importance of boldness is emphasized, contrasting it with intelligence and suggesting that being bold is a key to success. The speaker shares a personal story of attempting to create a demo tape with Keanu Reeves to become a VJ, illustrating the bold actions they took despite the odds and the ridicule from others.
📞 The Pivotal Moment: Learning to Ask for What You Want
The narrative continues with the speaker revealing that Keanu Reeves did call back, leading to an opportunity to film with him. Although the end result did not grant the speaker their dream job, the experience was instrumental in teaching the importance of asking for what you want. The concept of the 'squeaky wheel' is introduced, emphasizing the need for action over deliberation. The speaker debunks the myth that boldness is an innate trait, instead presenting it as a skill that can be developed through practice and a mindset geared towards making multiple attempts.
🎯 Embracing Failure with the 10% Target
The speaker introduces the '10% Target' mindset, which encourages making ten attempts at achieving a goal to become comfortable with the high likelihood of failure. They argue that most people do not even attempt to pursue their desires, hence missing out on opportunities. Using the analogy of ordering from a menu, the speaker illustrates how boldness in small things can translate into the confidence to ask for bigger things in life. The message is clear: through repeated attempts and embracing failure, one can train their brain to be bolder and more resilient.
💪 Success Through Failure: The Speaker's Journey
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on their journey, highlighting their achievements as a best-selling author and entrepreneur, despite not being the most athletic, attractive, or intelligent. They attribute their success to the willingness to fail 90% of the time and to persistently chase what they want. The speaker concludes with a call to action, urging the audience to write down their desires and make ten attempts at achieving them, emphasizing the effectiveness of the 10% Target in either securing the desired outcome or discovering an even better path.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Self-doubt
💡Fear
💡Boldness
💡Success
💡Action
💡10% Target
💡Asking
💡Default
💡Resilience
💡Practice
💡Chasing What You Want
Highlights
The secret to getting anything you want in life is overcoming self-doubt, which is the root of fear and the reason many people don't achieve their goals.
Self-doubt is a story we tell ourselves that we can't achieve something, leading to a lack of action and change.
Boldness is identified as a stronger indicator of success than intelligence, as it leads to taking action towards success.
Smart people may predict negative outcomes, preventing action, whereas bold people focus on the positive potential of their actions.
The speaker shares a personal story of attempting to create a demo tape with Keanu Reeves to achieve her dream job as a VJ.
Despite initial failure and ridicule, persistence and boldness eventually led to Keanu Reeves calling back and participating in the speaker's demo tape.
The importance of asking for what you want is emphasized, as most people don't even attempt to go for their goals.
The concept of a '10% target' is introduced, suggesting that making ten attempts at something increases the likelihood of success.
The 10% target is designed to make individuals comfortable with failing 90% of the time, building resilience and skill.
Most people live on default, settling for what's convenient or available, rather than boldly pursuing what they truly want.
Boldness is not an innate trait but a skill that can be developed and improved with practice.
The speaker suggests that ordering from off the menu at a restaurant is an example of a small way to practice boldness in everyday life.
The action item proposed is to write down what you want most in life and make ten attempts at achieving it, embracing the 10% target.
The speaker's success as a best-selling author and entrepreneur is attributed to failing 90% of the time and continuously chasing what she wanted.
The message is that by chasing what you want and not just taking what you get, you can achieve greater happiness and satisfaction in life.
The 10% target is said to work 100% of the time because it either leads to getting what you want or discovering what you were meant to do.
Transcripts
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