Being your Own Life Coach | John Muldoon | TEDxShanghaiAmericanSchoolPuxi

TEDx Talks
11 Jul 201829:05
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRThe speaker shares how his thinking patterns shaped his life growing up. From feeling angry as a child to trying experiments on himself to change his mindset, he learned that intentionally managing your thoughts is critical. He advises being aware of the voices in your head, identifying and sourcing your emotions, and consciously overwriting negative patterns. He encourages everyone to 'be their own coach' by checking in on how you feel and taking control of your inner voice.

Takeaways
  • 😟The speaker initially struggled with anger issues stemming from tragedy in his childhood.
  • 😯Our brains develop thought patterns that influence behaviors, often without our awareness.
  • 🧠Studies show our brains can be retrained through conscious effort to change thoughts and behaviors.
  • 😊The speaker conducted 'experiments' on himself to try becoming cool and happy.
  • 😅Our self-talk matters - positive patterns can counteract negative ones.
  • 🤔The speaker realized he needed to understand the roots of his anger to manage it.
  • 👍He developed 'trade secrets' like giving thanks and saying he feels great, as tools.
  • 🧠Actively managing your thoughts takes work but it's worth it to be your own best coach.
  • 😀The speaker credits these methods with profoundly improving his life.
  • 😉Critics say these practices are deceptive, but the speaker believes they saved him.
Q & A
  • What was the speaker's name and position?

    -The speaker's name was John Muldoon and he was the principal of the high school.

  • Why was the speaker nervous at the beginning?

    -The speaker mentioned he was nervous because of the big audience of high school students and the pressure of having to give a good speech.

  • What motivational tapes did John's father listen to in the car?

    -John's father compulsively listened to motivational cassette tapes in the car with advice from speakers about having a positive mindset.

  • How did John's 6th grade teacher remember him?

    -John's 6th grade teacher remembered him as an extremely angry kid, the angriest kid he had taught in 35 years.

  • How did John's history teacher get him to improve his grades?

    -John's history teacher used psychological warfare to make John so angry that he wanted to prove him wrong by doing well in school.

  • What was John's first personal experiment?

    -John's first experiment was trying to convince himself he was cool by looking in the mirror and repeating affirmations.

  • What advice did John's sister give him?

    -John's sister told him that trying to be cool made him look uncool. She suggested trying to be happy instead.

  • What was John's second experiment?

    -John's second experiment was focusing on being thankful for things in his life rather than trying to be happy.

  • What are two of John's rules for life?

    -Two of John's rules are: 1) Give sincere thanks 3 times a day. 2) Respond that you're great when people ask how you're doing.

  • How does John actively manage his thoughts and emotions?

    -John identifies emotions and thought patterns, finds their source, decides how he wants to feel, and consciously redirects his thinking.

Outlines
00:00
😃 An introduction to the speech and the speaker's nerves

The first paragraph is an introduction by John Muldoon, the principal at Shanghai American School. He seems a bit nervous but also excited to give this speech to the students. He jokes about the high bar set by the previous speaker and warns about unscientific advice that may get critique from the psychologist in the audience.

05:00
😆 A beloved teacher's perception of an angry past self

In the second paragraph, John describes visiting his favorite 6th grade teacher on the day of his retirement. The teacher is shocked to see John alive and well, only remembering him as an exceptionally angry kid. This sticks with John as an indication of how much he has changed.

10:03
😮 A pivotal moment and metaphor about the brain

The third paragraph describes a pivotal moment for John in high school. Seeing a toy model of his dad's car triggers a metaphorical epiphany about patterns of thinking and how they influence behavior, like his dad's motivational tapes.

15:03
🤯 The voices in your head concept

John explains the concept of patterns of thinking in your brain being like voices talking to each other. Positive and negative patterns influence each other. This affects how people respond to life events, like bouncing back from adversity.

20:04
😎 An experiment to become cool in high school

In the fifth paragraph, John describes conducting an experiment on himself in high school to become cool. Inspired by motivational tapes, he started telling himself he was cool every day. But his sister confronted him, saying real coolness comes from within.

25:05
😃 Trading anger for gratitude

The final paragraph wraps up with John explaining how he pivoted to focusing on feeling grateful instead of trying to be cool. He shares his simple daily rules for maintaining positivity. John concludes by encouraging self-coaching to manage thinking patterns.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡anger
Anger is a key emotion and theme throughout the speaker's life story. He describes himself as an 'angry kid' in 6th grade, still feeling tremendous anger and isolation in 9th grade. Anger leads him to confront a teacher, nearly fail out of school, and have no friends. Overcoming anger through gratitude and self-coaching transforms his life.
💡gratitude
The speaker experiments with feeling gratitude instead of anger. He thanks people effusively for even small things, attacking it with intensity. This helps him realize there are good things he was missing and stops his anger. Gratitude becomes a daily practice for him.
💡patterns
The speaker discusses patterns of thinking in the brain, like neurological pathways. Repetitive thoughts and messages shape these patterns over time. Negative patterns like anger can become entrenched, influencing emotions and behaviors automatically.
💡voices
The speaker refers to the repetitive thoughts and thinking patterns metaphorically as 'voices in your head.' He gives the example of a motivational tape telling you to talk to yourself positively, until you have voices saying nice things all day.
💡tricked
In 9th grade, a teacher 'tricks' the speaker into doing well in school through psychological techniques that made him want to improve. But this did not last, leaving him feeling manipulated.
💡experiment
The speaker conducts 'experiments' on himself to change his thoughts and emotions. First he tries acting cooler, then gratitude. He applies focused intensity, attacking changing his thoughts like a science project.
💡trade secrets
The speaker comes up with 'trade secrets' like thanking people 3 times a day and responding 'I'm great' whenever asked how he is. These are techniques and habits intended to manage his thoughts and emotions.
💡coach
The speaker concludes that you need to 'be your own coach' and actively manage your thoughts and emotions through awareness, intention, and techniques that work for you. This ongoing self-coaching changed his life.
💡mind over matter
The speaker's childhood mantra was 'mind over matter,' meaning you can control your mindset and emotions through intention and effort. He now calls this 'being your own coach' but the idea is similar.
💡saved my life
In concluding, the speaker credits discovering how to manage his thoughts and emotions with saving his life, by rescuing him from profound unhappiness and anger. His 6th grade teacher predicted he wouldn't make it to 30.
Highlights

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The framework learns an adaptive optimization algorithm that can quickly adapt models to new tasks using only a few training examples.

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The dataset provides a valuable resource for developing AI systems that can participate in technical conversations.

Transcripts
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