They’ve Pulled Away?? AVOID THIS MISTAKE
TLDRIn this insightful video, the speaker discusses a common three-part pattern that occurs when people feel intense chemistry in new relationships, often leading to disappointment. The pattern includes overvaluing the chemistry, giving too much too soon, and attempting to exert control at the wrong time. Using a woman's story of a failed marriage and subsequent dating misadventure, the speaker illustrates these points, suggesting that understanding and reversing this pattern is key to building successful relationships. The video also promotes a program called 'Momentum Texts' to guide individuals through the dating process effectively.
Takeaways
- 🧐 Overvaluing Chemistry: People often overvalue the chemistry they feel with someone new, especially if they've been missing it in their previous relationships.
- 📉 Mismatched Effort: When one person invests more effort into a relationship than the other, it can lead to an imbalance and devaluation of their contribution.
- 📲 Texting Patterns: The woman's longer texts and the man's shorter responses indicate a shift in interest levels, with the man's interest fading over time.
- 🚫 Asserting Boundaries: Attempting to assert boundaries when feeling insecure can backfire, as it may come off as controlling rather than protective.
- 🤔 Leverage in Relationships: It's important to recognize when you have leverage in a relationship and to use it wisely to make requests or set boundaries.
- 🔄 The Three-Part Pattern: The video outlines a common pattern of overvaluing, giving too much, and trying to exert control when feeling out of control.
- 💡 Importance of Reciprocity: Relationships should be balanced, with both parties giving and receiving at a similar level to maintain mutual respect and value.
- 🤝 Long-Term Relationship Qualities: While chemistry is important, it's not the only factor in a successful relationship; qualities like teamwork, mutual respect, and consistency are also crucial.
- 🔄 Energy Investment: It's essential to match the energy you invest in a relationship with the energy the other person is investing to avoid feeling overwhelmed or undervalued.
- 📉 Fading Interest: A decrease in interest from one party can lead to an increase in effort from the other in an attempt to salvage the relationship, which can be counterproductive.
- 💌 Momentum Texts: The speaker promotes a program called 'Momentum Texts' that provides strategies to maintain momentum in the early stages of dating and avoid common pitfalls.
Q & A
What is the main issue discussed in the video script?
-The main issue discussed is the common pattern of people overvaluing initial chemistry in relationships, giving too much, and then trying to exert control in the wrong way when they feel the other person pulling away.
What was the woman's situation before she met the new guy?
-The woman had recently left an eight-year marriage that had become devoid of passion, intimacy, and romance for the last five years, essentially becoming a relationship of two roommates.
Why did the woman start giving more to the new relationship?
-She started giving more because she felt an intense chemistry with the new guy, which she had been missing in her marriage, and she felt it was important to hold on to this new connection.
What is the three-part pattern described in the script?
-The three-part pattern includes: 1) Overvaluing something in the situation, 2) Giving too much based on that overvaluation, and 3) Trying to exert control in the wrong way when feeling out of control.
Why did the man's interest start to fade according to the script?
-The man's interest faded because the woman was giving too much, which made her efforts seem less valuable to him, and he started to give less as a result.
What was the woman's reaction when she saw the man with another woman?
-She tried to assert a boundary, expressing her discomfort with him hanging out with another woman, which he rejected, stating it was too much control for him at that stage.
What is the importance of 'leverage' in the context of dating and relationships?
-Leverage in dating and relationships refers to having something the other person wants, which gives you the power to make requests or set boundaries. It's about having the other person's desire and interest in you as a form of influence.
What is the 'Momentum Texts' program mentioned in the script?
-The 'Momentum Texts' is a program that provides 67 specific ways to increase momentum in the early stages of dating, helping to avoid situations like the one described in the script and ensuring that energy invested in dating leads to progress.
How can one apply the insights from the script to real-life dating scenarios?
-One can apply the insights by valuing appropriately, giving in accordance with the investment received, and making requests at times when there is real leverage, such as when the other person is showing interest or asking for more involvement.
What is the price of the 'Momentum Texts' program and how can one access it?
-The 'Momentum Texts' program is priced at seven dollars, and it can be accessed by visiting momentumtexts.com.
Outlines
😔 The Pattern of Pulling Away in Relationships
The first paragraph introduces a common pattern observed in relationships where one person feels the other pulling away. It tells a story of a woman who left an eight-year marriage lacking passion and found intense chemistry with a new man. However, as she invested more and more into the budding relationship, she noticed his interest waning. This led to a situation where she felt compelled to assert boundaries when she saw him with another woman, which he rejected, leading to their separation. The paragraph sets the stage for a three-part pattern that often occurs in such scenarios.
🔍 Overvaluing and Overinvesting Leads to Diminished Value
The second paragraph delves into the second part of the pattern, where overvaluing a certain aspect of a relationship, such as chemistry, leads to excessive giving without reciprocation. It uses the woman's story to illustrate how her intense feelings caused her to invest more effort into the relationship than the man, which in turn made her seem less valuable to him. The speaker points out that 'liking' someone can mean different things and is not always indicative of a desire for a committed relationship. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of not overvaluing attention and not giving too much based on initial interest.
📉 The Consequences of Misplaced Control and Lack of Leverage
The third paragraph discusses the third part of the pattern, which involves attempting to exert control in the wrong way when feeling out of control due to the other person's decreasing investment. It highlights the woman's mistake of trying to assert boundaries without having the leverage to do so effectively. The speaker explains that control should be about self-assessment and setting the terms of the relationship, rather than trying to dictate the other person's actions. The paragraph concludes with advice on how to handle such situations by adjusting one's energy and investment according to the other person's behavior, and the importance of making requests at times when one has leverage.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Chemistry
💡Overvalue
💡Investment
💡Leverage
💡Control
💡Pulling Away
💡Intimacy
💡Roommates
💡Texting
💡Momentum Texts
Highlights
The video discusses a three-part pattern that often occurs when someone feels intense chemistry and then experiences the other person pulling away.
The first part of the pattern is overvaluing the chemistry felt in a new relationship, especially after being in a passionless marriage.
The second part involves giving too much in a relationship based on the overvalued chemistry, which can devalue one's efforts in the other person's eyes.
The third part of the pattern is attempting to exert control in the wrong way when feeling out of control, which can push the other person further away.
The importance of not mistaking initial attention for a deeper intention to build a relationship is emphasized.
The video uses a woman's story of leaving her marriage and entering a new relationship to illustrate the three-part pattern.
The woman's increased texting and the man's decreased response is a clear sign of imbalance in the relationship.
Asserting boundaries too early in a relationship without having established leverage can lead to rejection.
The concept of 'liking' someone is dissected to show that it can mean different things and does not necessarily equate to commitment.
The speaker explains how to identify the right times to ask for more from a relationship based on having leverage.
The video introduces 'Momentum Texts' as a program containing 67 ways to increase momentum in the early stages of dating.
Momentum Texts aims to prevent the fading out of interest that often happens in dating scenarios.
The program is described as accessible, priced at seven dollars, and applicable to various stages of dating.
The video concludes with a call to action for viewers to visit momentumtexts.com to improve their dating strategies.
The importance of valuing appropriately, giving according to the investment received, and making asks at times of leverage is highlighted.
The video provides a conceptual model for understanding relationship dynamics and offers practical steps for application.
The speaker emphasizes the need for a balanced approach to dating to avoid common pitfalls and ensure a successful connection.
Transcripts
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