Do This When You Don't Feel Chemistry or a Spark With Him | Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs

Mat Boggs
11 Dec 202106:24
EducationalLearning
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TLDRIn this insightful video, Mat Boggs from the Brave Thinking Institute's Love & Relationships Division explores the dynamics of romantic chemistry. He discusses the two scenarios where chemistry either strikes like lightning or develops from a deep friendship. Using the story of Patricia and Bill, he illustrates how initial lack of physical attraction can transform into a passionate connection as one becomes more acquainted with a person's qualities. Boggs offers advice on how to navigate the uncertainty of budding chemistry, suggesting honest communication to explore the potential for a relationship that grows over time.

Takeaways
  • 💖 Sometimes, chemistry in a relationship can develop over time rather than being instant.
  • 👥 A friendship that catches fire can lead to a strong romantic connection.
  • 🔄 It’s easier to feel chemistry with someone who isn’t a good fit because there’s no threat of a real relationship.
  • 💬 Open communication about the lack of immediate chemistry can create space for it to develop.
  • 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 A great example is Patricia, who initially wasn’t attracted to Bill but grew to appreciate him and felt chemistry later.
  • 🌟 Highlighting someone's good qualities and being open to possibilities can change initial perceptions.
  • ❤️‍🔥 The 'triangle look' is a flirting technique to signal a desire for a kiss.
  • 🔑 Honesty about your feelings can prevent leading someone on while allowing time for chemistry to grow.
  • 🎉 Sharing personal stories and experiences can inspire others in similar situations.
  • 🤔 Asking for audience feedback on strategies to build chemistry helps create an interactive community.
Q & A

  • Who is Mat Boggs?

    -Mat Boggs is the founder of the Love & Relationships Division of the Brave Thinking Institute.

  • What is the mission of the Brave Thinking Institute?

    -The mission of the Brave Thinking Institute is empowering people to create and live a life they love, which includes improving their love life.

  • What is the main topic discussed in the video?

    -The main topic discussed is what to do when you've met someone with great qualities but there is no immediate chemistry.

  • What are the two scenarios regarding chemistry that Mat Boggs mentions?

    -The two scenarios are: massive chemistry right from the start and a friendship that catches fire over time.

  • Why might it be easier to feel chemistry with someone who is not a good fit for you?

    -It might be easier because there is no threat of them actually getting into a relationship with you, so it doesn't challenge your emotional defenses.

  • What example does Mat Boggs provide to illustrate his point?

    -He provides the example of Patricia and Bill, where Patricia initially didn't feel chemistry due to Bill's appearance but eventually developed attraction and chemistry over time.

  • What advice does Mat Boggs give for women who want to explore chemistry without leading a man on?

    -He suggests being honest and vulnerable by saying, 'I really like you and love hanging out with you. I'm not feeling the chemistry I thought I’d be feeling at this point, but I'm open to exploring to see if the chemistry comes later.'

  • How did Patricia's feelings towards Bill change over time?

    -Patricia's feelings changed as she got to know Bill better, appreciating his kindness and thoughtfulness, which eventually led to her feeling attracted to him.

  • What is the 'triangle look' mentioned in the video?

    -The 'triangle look' is a flirting technique where you look from one eye to the other eye and then down to the person's lips, signaling a desire to kiss.

  • What question does Mat Boggs ask viewers at the end of the video?

    -He asks viewers what strategies they have found helpful for building chemistry over time and encourages them to share their strategies in the comment section.

Outlines
00:00
🔍 Exploring Chemistry with Potential Partners

The video script begins by posing a common dating dilemma: meeting someone with great qualities but lacking an immediate spark. Mat Boggs, the founder of the Love & Relationships Division at the Brave Thinking Institute, introduces the topic of whether to pursue a relationship with someone who has all the right attributes except for that initial chemistry. He uses the story of Patricia and Bill to illustrate two scenarios where chemistry can develop: the instant 'lightning bolt' or a friendship that ignites over time. Boggs explains that sometimes, the fear of vulnerability can suppress the chemistry we feel for a suitable partner, but as trust and connection grow, so can attraction. Patricia's email shared her experience of growing attraction to Bill despite initial reservations about his appearance, highlighting how chemistry can develop after the heart is opened to the possibility.

05:00
💌 Navigating the Chemistry Exploration Process

In the second paragraph, the script addresses the concern of how to continue dating someone without misleading them when chemistry hasn't fully developed yet. Mat Boggs provides a suggested conversation starter for expressing vulnerability and openness to exploring chemistry over time. He emphasizes the importance of honesty and communication in this scenario, ensuring that both parties are aware of the current state of the relationship and are willing to give it time to evolve. The script encourages viewers to share their strategies for building chemistry in the comments section and concludes with a positive note on the potential for a fulfilling love life, appreciating the audience for their engagement.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Chemistry
Chemistry in the context of the video refers to the emotional and physical attraction one feels towards another person, which is often considered a crucial element in romantic relationships. The video discusses the absence of 'crazy chemistry' initially and how it can develop over time, as illustrated in the story of Patricia and Bill, where chemistry eventually 'catches fire' after building a strong foundation of friendship and shared values.
💡Qualities
Qualities in this video script are the positive attributes or characteristics that a person possesses, which can make them an attractive partner in a relationship. The speaker mentions that despite having many great qualities, the person in question might not initially evoke strong chemistry. The video uses the example of Bill, who, despite being heavier than Patricia's preference, had many admirable qualities that eventually led to a deeper connection.
💡Lightning Bolt Chemistry
This term is used metaphorically to describe an immediate and intense attraction that one experiences upon meeting someone. The video contrasts this with the idea that chemistry can also develop gradually. The 'lightning bolt chemistry' is something many people desire, as it is associated with a romantic and passionate start to a relationship, but the video suggests that it is not the only way chemistry can manifest.
💡Friendship That Catches Fire
This phrase is used to describe a situation where a platonic relationship evolves into a romantic one over time. In the video, it is presented as an alternative to the 'lightning bolt chemistry' and is exemplified by Patricia's growing attraction to Bill as their friendship deepened. The concept is central to the video's message that chemistry can develop after an initial period of getting to know each other.
💡Paradigm
In the video, the term 'paradigm' refers to a person's set of beliefs or assumptions that influence their behavior and decisions. The script suggests that one's paradigm can suppress the chemistry they allow themselves to feel for a potential partner, especially if there is a fear of vulnerability and getting hurt, which is a significant factor in the dynamic of Patricia and Bill's developing relationship.
💡Vulnerability
Vulnerability in the video is the state of being open to potential emotional exposure or risk, such as the fear of being hurt in a relationship. It is highlighted as a reason why some people might not initially feel strong chemistry with a suitable partner. Patricia's decision to share her vulnerability with Bill, expressing her openness to exploring chemistry, is a pivotal moment in their relationship development.
💡Attraction
Attraction in the context of the video is the feeling of being drawn towards someone, both emotionally and physically. It is a key component of the chemistry between two people. The script describes how Patricia's attraction to Bill grew over time, as she became more comfortable with him and less concerned about his appearance, which was initially a barrier for her.
💡Flirting Techniques
Flirting techniques are methods used to signal romantic interest or to engage in playful interaction with another person. The video mentions the 'triangle look' as a specific flirting technique taught in the speaker's program, which Patricia uses to signal to Bill that she is interested in kissing him. This technique is part of the narrative showing how Patricia's feelings evolved into action.
💡Connection
Connection in the video refers to the emotional bond or rapport that develops between two people. It is suggested that chemistry can follow a strong connection, as opposed to preceding it. The script uses Patricia's story to illustrate how a deep connection with Bill led to a growing sense of chemistry, despite initial reservations.
💡Exploring Chemistry
The phrase 'exploring chemistry' in the video means giving oneself the opportunity to experience and develop a romantic or sexual attraction over time. The speaker provides a script for how to communicate this openness to a potential partner, ensuring that both parties are on the same page and that no one is being led on falsely.
💡Leading On
To 'lead on' in the context of the video means to give someone false hope or to suggest interest where there may be none. The speaker addresses the concern of not wanting to lead a potential partner on when there is a desire to explore chemistry further. The provided script is a way to communicate honestly about one's feelings and intentions, avoiding this pitfall.
Highlights

The discussion focuses on how to handle situations where someone has great qualities but lacks immediate chemistry.

Mat Boggs introduces himself as the founder of the Love & Relationships Division at the Brave Thinking Institute.

The mission of the institute is to empower people to create and live a life they love, including their love life.

The video aims to explore whether to walk away or find another possibility when lacking chemistry with someone.

Two scenarios for chemistry are identified: immediate 'lightning bolt' chemistry or a friendship that catches fire over time.

Patricia's story is shared as an example of how chemistry can develop over time with someone initially lacking it.

Patricia's initial concern about Bill's appearance is overcome as she gets to know him better.

The concept of paradigms suppressing chemistry due to fear of vulnerability in a potential relationship is introduced.

Patricia's email details her journey from seeing Bill as a friend to developing romantic feelings for him.

The 'triangle look' flirting technique is mentioned as a way to signal interest in a kiss.

Bill's public display of affection in a restaurant is highlighted as a turning point in Patricia's feelings.

Patricia's realization that chemistry can follow a connection rather than precede it is emphasized.

A scenario is presented where a woman might not want to lead a man on despite wanting to explore chemistry further.

A suggested phrase for communicating the desire to explore chemistry without leading someone on is provided.

The importance of honesty and vulnerability in discussing the potential for chemistry to develop is stressed.

A call to action is made for viewers to share their strategies for building chemistry over time in the comments.

The video concludes with a positive note on the potential for an amazing love life and appreciation for the viewers.

Transcripts

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Relationship AdviceChemistry BuildingLove LifeEmotional ConnectionDating StrategiesPersonal GrowthFear of CommitmentRomance DynamicsSelf-DisclosureVulnerability