Autistic masking: a dangerous survival mechanism | Leah Reinardy | TEDxHopeCollege
TLDRThe speaker, an autistic individual, shares their journey of social masking to fit into neurotypical society, detailing the emotional and mental toll it took, including depression and suicide attempts. They recount their experiences in psychiatric hospitals and the pivotal moment that led to their decision to unmask and embrace their authentic self. The talk is a call to action for both neurotypicals to understand and support neurodiversity and for autistic individuals to find the courage to be themselves.
Takeaways
- 🤝 The speaker has developed a 'meeting a new person protocol' to navigate social interactions as an autistic individual.
- 🌤️ They often resort to small talk, including making remarks about the weather, to initiate conversations, despite finding it unoriginal and tiring.
- 😂 The speaker uses humor as a social tool, understanding that it can be a reliable way to elicit laughter and ease social tension.
- 🗣️ The speaker has spent over 21 years practicing social scripting to fit into neurotypical social norms, learning from trials and errors.
- 😢 The speaker's childhood struggles with social interaction led to feelings of inferiority and a belief that their way of interacting was unacceptable.
- 🏗️ They built a 'bridge' across the perceived chasm between themselves and neurotypicals by mimicking and learning from others' gestures, syntax, and tone.
- 🎭 The concept of 'masking' is introduced as a way for autistic individuals to hide their true selves to fit in and be perceived as 'normal'.
- 💔 Masking comes with a high emotional cost, leading to feelings of exhaustion, depression, and even suicidal thoughts in the speaker's case.
- 🚑 The speaker's experiences with psychiatric hospitalization were traumatic, highlighting communication barriers and the fear of unmasking.
- 🌈 The speaker found solace and a sense of community in psychiatric hospitals, where they were able to unmask and be themselves.
- 💪 A commitment to stop masking was made after a near-death experience, leading to a journey of self-discovery and advocacy for autistic individuals.
- 🌟 The speaker emphasizes the importance of being authentic and challenges both neurotypical and autistic individuals to create spaces for genuine interaction and understanding.
Q & A
What is the speaker's initial approach to meeting new people?
-The speaker starts with a 'meeting a new person protocol' which involves greeting, making small talk, and making an unoriginal remark about the weather, followed by a joke to make the other person laugh.
Why does the speaker feel the need to engage in 'small talk' and social scripting?
-The speaker feels the need to engage in 'small talk' and social scripting because they are autistic and have spent over 21 years practicing these skills to fit into neurotypical social norms.
What is the term used to describe the trait of autism where individuals focus on a niche topic of interest?
-The term used is 'special interest'.
What were the speaker's first two special interests?
-The speaker's first two special interests were the TV show 'Survivor' and music.
How did the speaker's early experiences with social interactions affect their self-perception?
-The speaker's early experiences with social interactions led them to internalize the idea that their ways of interacting were unacceptable, which consumed them and made them feel inferior.
What was the speaker's solution to feeling inferior and different from neurotypicals?
-The speaker's solution was to learn to fit in by observing, mimicking, and learning from the people around them.
What challenges did the speaker face as a result of constantly 'masking' their true self?
-The speaker faced challenges such as exhaustion, multiple psychiatric admissions, and feelings of shame, which led to a cycle of self-destruction.
What was the turning point for the speaker in deciding to stop 'masking'?
-The turning point was on December 27, 2020, when the speaker was hospitalized with a life-threatening condition and made a commitment to be true to themselves if they survived.
What impact did the speaker's unmasking have on their life and identity?
-Unmasking led to the speaker rediscovering their personality and identity, which had become inseparable from the mask they had been wearing.
What message does the speaker have for their neurotypical friends and the audience?
-The speaker encourages neurotypical friends to cross the bridge halfway in their interactions with neurodivergent individuals, to listen and observe more, and to empower them in various aspects of life.
What advice does the speaker give to their younger self and other autistic individuals?
-The speaker advises to be proud of their intentionality in interactions, to open up to the world, and to start with safe spaces while acknowledging the bravery it takes to be vulnerable.
Outlines
🤝 Social Scripting and Autistic Identity
The speaker introduces their experience as an autistic individual, detailing the process of 'meeting a new person protocol' which involves small talk and social scripting. They explain how their brain processes social interactions, often at the expense of nonverbal cues and facial expressions. The speaker shares their journey of learning to fit into neurotypical society through trial and error, which led to feelings of inferiority and a sense of being 'other'. They describe the concept of 'special interest' in autism and how they used it to learn and mimic social behaviors, building a metaphorical 'bridge' to cross the 'chasm' between themselves and neurotypical individuals.
😔 The Struggle with Masking and Mental Health
The speaker delves into the concept of 'masking', where they would suppress their autistic traits to appear neurotypical, which was both exhilarating and exhausting. They recount the emotional toll this took, leading to therapy, antidepressants, and even a suicide attempt. The speaker highlights the statistics regarding the increased risk of suicide and mental health struggles among autistic individuals. They also discuss the traumatic experiences in psychiatric hospitals, where communication barriers exacerbated their suffering and reinforced the need to mask even more.
🌉 The Bridge of Masking and Its Consequences
Continuing the narrative, the speaker discusses the impact of masking on their life, including the fear of unmasking and the associated risks such as unemployment and vulnerability to assault. They share their college experiences, marked by self-destruction and psychiatric admissions, and the realization that masking was unsustainable. The speaker also touches on the moments of authenticity they experienced in psychiatric hospitals, which contrasted with the pressure to maintain their mask outside of these settings.
💪 Unmasking and Advocacy
The speaker describes their commitment to stop masking after a life-threatening health scare, and the challenges they faced in rediscovering their authentic self. They found empowerment through connecting with other autistic advocates and sharing their story. The speaker acknowledges the ongoing struggle and the reality that their life is not a neat narrative of overcoming but rather a continuous process of living with and managing their autism. They conclude by addressing both neurotypical and autistic individuals, urging for understanding, support, and the creation of inclusive spaces, and by expressing pride in their own journey and the journey of others like them.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Autism
💡Social Scripting
💡Neurotypical
💡Masking
💡Special Interest
💡Inferior
💡Suicidality
💡Psychiatric Hospitalization
💡Neurodivergent
💡Unmasking
💡Vulnerability
Highlights
Introduction of the speaker's 'meeting a new person protocol' to illustrate the social challenges faced by autistic individuals.
The speaker's reliance on social scripting and years of practice to navigate conversations and social interactions.
The emotional toll of social interactions, leading to feelings of inferiority and the internalization of being 'unacceptable'.
The concept of 'special interest' in autism and how the speaker used TV show 'Survivor' and music to learn social cues.
The speaker's struggle with masking - the act of suppressing their autistic traits to fit in with neurotypical society.
The high rates of suicide attempts and psychiatric hospitalizations among autistic individuals.
The traumatic experience of psychiatric hospitalization and its impact on communication and mental health for neurodivergent people.
The speaker's commitment to masking even more after a hospitalization to avoid being seen as 'broken'.
The exhausting nature of masking and its impact on the speaker's mental health and relationships.
The speaker's first suicide attempt at age 11 and the prevalence of such attempts among autistic individuals.
The realization that the speaker's life is not a neat story of overcoming, but a continuous journey of challenges.
The importance of unmasking and embracing one's authentic self, even though it can be terrifying.
The speaker's commitment to stop masking after a near-death experience, and the challenges of rediscovering their identity.
The role of online autistic advocates and TED talks in helping the speaker gain self-understanding and find their voice.
The ongoing struggle with the feeling of being separated and the need to choose life every day.
A call to action for neurotypical individuals to listen, observe, and empower neurodivergent people in their lives.
Encouragement for autistic individuals to be proud of their intentionality in interactions and to embrace vulnerability.
The importance of creating safe spaces for autistic and neurodivergent individuals to express themselves authentically.
The speaker's message that the world needs the real, authentic selves of neurodivergent people and can learn from their unique ways of interacting.
Transcripts
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