My First Time Having Sex at College | Glamour

Glamour
12 Jul 201603:10
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRThe video script narrates a personal story of navigating the complexities of college life and sexual consent. The protagonist, a new student at NYU, grapples with the tension between her sexual desires and her readiness for intimacy. To protect herself, she adopts a conservative attire to deter unwanted advances. Despite this, she finds herself in an uncomfortable situation with a frat guy at a party, where she initially struggles to assert her boundaries. The turning point comes when he makes an inappropriate request, prompting her to firmly say no and leave. The story underscores the importance of consent and the power of saying no, emphasizing that one's comfort and self-respect should never be compromised. It concludes with a moral that resonates with the idea that knowing how to say no is a vital skill, encapsulated in the phrase 'a boy who reads maybe,' suggesting that education and awareness can lead to better decision-making.

Takeaways
  • 🚫 **Knowing Your Boundaries**: The speaker was aware they weren't ready for a one-night stand despite feeling horny, which is a critical self-awareness.
  • 🧐 **Preventive Measures**: Wearing an unattractive outfit and bra was a strategy to prevent unwanted sexual advances, showing a proactive approach to personal safety.
  • 🎉 **College Experience**: The narrative reflects the complex emotions around the college party scene, where there's a mix of excitement and discomfort.
  • 🍻 **Alcohol's Influence**: Drinking at the party led to a loss of inhibitions and a temporary disregard for the speaker's initial boundaries.
  • 🤮 **Unexpected Incidents**: An incident of vomiting highlights the unpredictable and sometimes unappealing nature of such social situations.
  • 🛏️ **Consent and Expectations**: There was a lack of clear communication about intentions and boundaries, which led to discomfort and a sense of obligation.
  • 👎 **Dislike and Disrespect**: The first negative impression of the guy was formed when he made a comment about the speaker's bra, indicating a lack of respect.
  • 📚 **Literary Deflection**: Attempting to distract with a conversation about books was a tactic to delay and reconsider the situation.
  • 🤔 **Ignorance Unveiled**: The guy's inability to name an author of a book he claimed to like revealed a lack of genuine interest in literature and possibly a superficial personality.
  • 🙅‍♀️ **The Power of No**: The speaker's decision to lie about being on their period to stop the encounter is a testament to the importance of consent and personal boundaries.
  • 🗣️ **Assertiveness**: The final refusal and the speaker's exit after being asked for sexual favors without consent is an example of standing up for oneself.
  • 💪 **Empowerment**: The walk home with a sense of empowerment illustrates the strength gained from making decisions that align with one's values and comfort.
  • 📚 **Value of Knowledge**: The closing line about Michael Crichton (correctly spelled) shows the speaker's intelligence and serves as a parting shot, emphasizing the disconnect between them and their partner.
  • ✋ **Learning to Say No**: The moral of the story is about the importance of knowing and communicating one's limits, regardless of social pressure.
Q & A

  • What was the main character's initial approach to dealing with their feelings of horniness at NYU?

    -The main character chose to wear a puritanical outfit and their ugliest bra as a way to combat their tendency to act impulsively when drunk.

  • How did the main character feel about the party they attended?

    -They had mixed feelings, both loving and hating the party atmosphere, which included beer pong and people shotgunning flavored vodka.

  • What was the turning point for the main character in their interaction with the guy in the frat shirt?

    -The turning point was when the guy complimented the main character's bra, which they had worn to feel unattractive, leading them to realize they disliked him.

  • How did the main character attempt to distract the guy from their physical interaction?

    -The main character tried to distract him by asking about his favorite books, hoping to shift the focus away from sex.

  • What was the guy's response when asked about his favorite author?

    -He mentioned liking the author of Jurassic Park, which the main character misinterpreted as Michael Crichton but the guy confirmed with 'yeah, whatever'.

  • What excuse did the main character use to stop the physical interaction?

    -The main character lied about being on their period to stop the physical interaction.

  • How did the guy react after the main character mentioned being on their period?

    -He sighed and asked if he could at least receive oral sex, showing a lack of understanding and empathy.

  • What was the main character's final action in the dorm room?

    -The main character decided to leave, shoving themselves out from under the guy, standing up, gathering their things, and walking out the door.

  • What was the main character's closing line as they left the dorm room?

    -The main character's closing line was 'Not if you like Michael Crichton,' highlighting their disappointment with his lack of knowledge.

  • How did the main character feel walking home after leaving the dorm room?

    -They felt really good about the decision they had made, considering it an empowering moment.

  • What is the moral of the story according to the main character?

    -The moral of the story is to learn how to say no and to not feel bad about offending someone when standing up for oneself.

  • What might the main character suggest for others in similar situations?

    -The main character suggests that individuals should prioritize their own comfort and boundaries, and not feel obligated to anyone else.

Outlines
00:00
🚫 Learning to Set Boundaries

The speaker shares a personal experience from their time at NYU, where they were new to sex and struggled with the desire to engage in sexual activity despite not feeling ready. To prevent unwanted encounters, they dressed modestly. However, after getting drunk at a party, they found themselves in a situation with a frat guy, which escalated to the point of potentially hooking up. The speaker describes feeling panicked and uncomfortable, leading to a moment of realization where they decided to assert their boundaries. They lied about being on their period to stop the advances and left the situation, feeling empowered by their decision to say no. The story concludes with a moral emphasizing the importance of knowing one's limits and the ability to say no, regardless of social pressure.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Consent
Consent refers to the voluntary agreement to engage in a particular activity. In the video, the speaker discusses the importance of understanding one's readiness and comfort level before engaging in intimate activities, emphasizing the right to say no and the significance of mutual consent.
💡Alcohol
Alcohol is a substance that can impair judgment and decision-making. In the context of the video, it is portrayed as a factor that influences the speaker's initial behavior, leading to a situation where they feel pressured to act against their sober judgment.
💡Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires. The speaker demonstrates self-awareness by recognizing their own limitations and the potential consequences of their actions, which ultimately helps them make an empowered decision.
💡Frat culture
Frat culture typically refers to the social environment and behaviors associated with college fraternities. The video uses the setting of a frat party to illustrate the social pressures and expectations that can influence individuals' decisions, particularly around sexual activities.
💡Empowerment
Empowerment is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life. The speaker's decision to leave the situation and assert their boundaries is described as an empowering moment, highlighting the importance of self-respect and self-worth.
💡Boundaries
Boundaries are the limits or edges of what an individual finds acceptable in terms of behavior or interaction. The video emphasizes the importance of setting and maintaining personal boundaries, especially in situations involving potential sexual encounters.
💡Sexual expectations
Sexual expectations are the beliefs or anticipations about what should or will happen in a sexual context. The speaker experiences a conflict between their own expectations and those of the other person, leading to a realization that they are not comfortable proceeding.
💡Communication
Communication is the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium. In the video, the lack of effective communication leads to misunderstandings and discomfort, while the speaker's final assertion of their boundaries is an act of clear communication.
💡Respect
Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. The video conveys the message that respecting one's own boundaries and decisions is crucial, and it is also important not to offend others by being direct and honest about one's limits.
💡College experience
College experience refers to the overall time spent at a college or university, including academic, social, and personal development. The video uses the term to describe the speaker's initial desire to engage in a stereotypical college activity, reflecting on the societal expectations associated with college life.
💡Saying no
Saying no is the act of refusing or expressing disagreement. The video's moral emphasizes the importance of being able to say no, especially in uncomfortable or unwanted situations, and the empowerment that comes from asserting one's own will.
Highlights

The speaker was new to sex and struggled with feeling horny and not ready for a one night stand

To combat this, they wore a puritanical outfit and their ugliest bra to deter unwanted attention

They attended a party with beer pong and flavored vodka, feeling both love and hate for the college experience

They locked eyes with a guy in a frat shirt and started making out without exchanging words

The guy threw up on the wall during their makeout session

They decided to go back to his dorm room to hook up, despite internal panic about differing expectations

The guy complimented the speaker's bra, causing them to realize they hated him

The speaker tried to distract the guy by asking about his favorite books

The guy said he liked the author of Jurassic Park, which the speaker mispronounced as Michael Crichton

The guy continued to make out with the speaker and give them hickeys, which they hated

The speaker lied and said they were on their period to try and stop the encounter

The guy asked if he could at least get a blowjob, making the speaker feel objectified

The speaker pushed the guy away, gathered their things, and left the room

They felt empowered and good about standing up for themselves and saying no

The speaker realized they don't owe anything to anyone, but owe it to themselves to make their own decisions

The moral of the story is to learn how to say no in whatever way you know how

Transcripts

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Related Tags
Sexual ConsentCollege ExperienceAlcohol AwarenessSelf-DiscoveryEmpowermentFrat PartyNYU StoriesConsent IssuesDrunk DecisionsPersonal BoundariesLiterary ReferenceSexual Harassment