The art of being yourself | Caroline McHugh | TEDxMiltonKeynesWomen

The speaker begins by discussing the concept of self-perception, highlighting the fact that the reflection we see in a mirror is not the same as what others see. They introduce the idea of a 'True Mirror,' invented by John and Catherine Walters, which shows the viewer exactly what others see. The speaker shares their disorienting experience upon seeing themselves in a True Mirror and reflects on how this experience led to a flashback from childhood, observing their mother's unique features. They emphasize the difference between seeking reassurance in a regular mirror and looking for revelation in a True Mirror, tying this to their work in helping people be their true selves, which they believe is the starting point for social reformation.

The speaker discusses the importance of embracing one's individuality, asserting that people who fear being themselves often end up serving those who do not. They challenge the common advice of 'just be yourself,' pointing out that it's neither easy nor original. The speaker explores the societal expectations and life expectancy, questioning what one expects from life and what life expects from them. They highlight the stages of life where individuals are most authentic: childhood and old age. The speaker introduces the 'I complex' as a model to understand different aspects of self, starting with the 'perception self,' which is how others see us.

The speaker delves into the concepts of superiority and inferiority complexes, describing them as signs of a fragile ego. They introduce 'interiority,' a term they've coined, to describe a self-sufficient disposition that is uncomparative and unique to each individual. The speaker uses the example of singer Jill Scott to illustrate 'interiority' in action, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and embracing one's own unique strengths and 'queendom.' They stress the liberating nature of being true to oneself and not being defined by a patchwork of experiences and influences.

The speaker continues the discussion on self-identity by describing the 'adaptive self,' which is the part of us that changes and grows over time. They emphasize the importance of continuous self-improvement and adapting to life's intervals of possibility, which are moments of heightened potential for change. The speaker acknowledges that catastrophic events often trigger these intervals, but questions why individuals wait for such events to prompt self-reflection and change. They encourage the audience to ask themselves profound questions about their identity and aspirations from a position of strength and health, rather than waiting for a crisis.

The speaker discusses the challenges of managing the ego and finding equanimity, a state of mind impervious to external events. They describe the ego's role in Western society and the importance of not letting it dominate one's identity. The speaker shares a personal anecdote from childhood that taught them not to seek the center of attention and to focus on making others happy instead. They introduce the concept of 'humility' as thinking about oneself less, and relate it to the idea of one's life being their message to the world. The speaker concludes by emphasizing the importance of understanding the unchanging core of one's being, which remains constant throughout life.

The speaker concludes the talk by emphasizing the power of tapping into one's inner voice and personal pronoun to achieve greatness. They share the inspiring example of a young swimmer who, despite feeling impotent, managed to become a record-breaking Olympian and receive an MBE at a young age. The speaker encourages the audience to recognize that the speed and substance of their lives can be enhanced by embracing their individuality and personal power. They end with a powerful message about the importance of never feeling superfluous and the impact of being true to oneself.