When You Know There’s Chemistry (But They’re Pulling Back)

Susan Winter
27 Jan 201708:52
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRIn the video, Susan Winter addresses the perplexing situation where someone who is attracted to you tries to hide their feelings. She suggests that mutual attraction is real and should be trusted. Susan advises using observational conversation to ease tension and recommends involving the person in external activities to reduce self-consciousness. She emphasizes the importance of one person taking the initiative to express interest, as mutual attraction can't be ignored and can lead to a meaningful relationship.

Takeaways
  • 🤔 People may hide their attraction due to discomfort or a need to control the situation.
  • 💡 Trust your intuition if you feel a strong mutual attraction; it's likely real and not a delusion.
  • 👥 In the face of attraction, some individuals may respond with aloofness or even meanness as a cover.
  • 🔄 To deescalate tension, try shifting the interaction from a one-on-one scenario to a group or observational setting.
  • 📢 Susan Winter suggests talking about something unrelated to the individuals involved to ease tension.
  • 👂 Listening and observing can be more effective than direct conversation when dealing with attraction-induced discomfort.
  • 🙅‍♂️ Avoiding direct confrontation or questioning can prevent exacerbating the other person's discomfort.
  • 🤝 Engaging in shared activities or tasks can help to build a connection without the pressure of direct interaction.
  • 🚫 If both parties are uncomfortable showing their attraction, the relationship may not progress.
  • 💌 Sometimes, a simple and honest expression of interest can break through the barriers of fear and insecurity.
  • 🌟 Susan Winter emphasizes the importance of trust in one's own feelings and intuition when navigating attraction.
Q & A

  • What is the main topic Susan Winter discusses in the transcript?

    -Susan Winter discusses the confusing situation where a person who is attracted to you tries to hide or deflect that attraction.

  • What does Susan Winter suggest is the reason for the confusion in mutual attraction?

    -She suggests that the confusion arises because the person who is attracted may feel uncomfortable and may try to control or hide their feelings, leading to dismissive or defensive behavior.

  • How does Susan Winter describe her own typical response to feeling a strong mutual attraction?

    -Susan describes her response as being very open and honest, with excitement and an inability to hide her affection, interest, or intrigue, likening herself to a Golden Retriever puppy wagging its tail.

  • What advice does Susan Winter give for dealing with someone who is attracted to you but acting dismissive or mean?

    -She advises understanding that the person is uncomfortable and to try engaging them in one-on-one conversations or observational conversations to help them relax and reveal their true feelings.

  • What is an example of an observational conversation that Susan Winter suggests?

    -An example she gives is talking about the people dancing or the decor at a party, which doesn't require a response and allows the person to feel less on the spot.

  • How does Susan Winter handle the situation when she feels a strong mutual attraction but the other person is aloof?

    -She tries to ease the person's tension by talking about something observational and not directly related to them or their relationship, which eventually leads to a more relaxed and open conversation.

  • What does Susan Winter suggest if the person you're attracted to is completely mute or shut down?

    -She suggests removing the situation from one-on-one to observational attention, involving the person in some other activity that takes their self-consciousness away from them.

  • What is the importance of trusting oneself according to Susan Winter in the context of mutual attraction?

    -Trusting oneself is important because mutual attraction is a real thing and not a delusion, and recognizing this can help one navigate the confusing behavior of the other person.

  • What does Susan Winter say about the combination of two people who are both deflecting their attraction to each other?

    -She states that if both people are deflecting their attraction, the relationship cannot start because no one is stepping forward to express their feelings.

  • What is Susan Winter's final piece of advice for someone who is trying to connect with a person who is attracted to them but is acting distant?

    -Her advice is to give the person space, engage them in observational conversations, and trust in the mutual attraction, as sometimes a simple expression of liking the person can dismantle their fear and guard.

Outlines
00:00
😖 Hidden Attraction and Emotional Confusion

Susan Winter discusses the perplexing situation where someone is attracted to you but actively hides it, causing confusion. She emphasizes the rarity and intensity of mutual attraction and how it can provoke unusual emotional reactions. Susan shares her personal experience of being open and honest about her feelings, which contrasts with the common response of others to hide their interest. She suggests that understanding the other person's discomfort is crucial and recommends engaging in one-on-one conversations to help them relax and reveal their true feelings.

05:01
😌 Overcoming Attraction-Induced Anxiety

In the second paragraph, Susan continues to explore the theme of attraction and how it can lead to anxiety and avoidance in some individuals. She recounts a personal anecdote where she used observational conversation to ease tension with a man who was paralyzed by his attraction to her. Susan advises using indirect conversation or engaging in activities that divert attention away from the personal to help the other person feel more at ease. She stresses the importance of trusting one's own feelings and intuition in these situations, as mutual attraction is not a figment of imagination. She also touches on the difficulty of starting a relationship when both parties are uncomfortable showing their interest.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Mutual Attraction
Mutual attraction refers to a strong, often immediate, feeling of being drawn to another person, which is perceived to be reciprocated by the other individual. In the video's theme, it is the foundation of the emotional dynamic being discussed. Susan uses the term to describe the powerful, undeniable connection that occurs between two people, which is central to the confusing situation she explores.
💡Deflection
Deflection in this context is a behavior where an individual hides or diverts attention away from their true feelings or intentions, especially when they are attracted to someone. Susan explains that some people may act dismissive or mean as a way to cover up their attraction, which can lead to confusion for the other person involved.
💡Vulnerability
Vulnerability is the state of being open to emotional risk, often associated with showing one's feelings or weaknesses. In the script, Susan mentions vulnerability as a possible reason why some people might hide their attraction, as it can make them feel exposed or insecure.
💡Empowerment
Empowerment is the feeling of having control over one's circumstances or being able to take action. Susan suggests that those who are attracted but hiding it may feel a need for empowerment, perhaps to maintain control in the situation or to protect themselves from potential emotional harm.
💡Observational Attention
Observational attention is the act of focusing on something external rather than on the individuals involved in a conversation. Susan recommends using observational attention to ease tension by shifting the focus away from the personal interaction, which can help those who are uncomfortable in one-on-one situations.
💡Rational
Rational refers to being based on or in accordance with reason and logic. Susan uses the term to encourage the viewer to trust their own rational assessment of the situation, suggesting that if they feel a mutual attraction, it is likely real and not a delusion.
💡Coping Mechanisms
Coping mechanisms are strategies that individuals use to deal with stress or difficult situations. In the video, Susan discusses how people have different ways of handling the overwhelming feelings of attraction, such as becoming aloof or mute.
💡Self-Consciousness
Self-consciousness is a heightened awareness of oneself, often leading to feelings of embarrassment or awkwardness. Susan mentions that self-consciousness can make people act differently when they feel attracted to someone, as they may feel the spotlight is on them and become uncomfortable.
💡Connection
Connection in the context of the video refers to the establishment of a meaningful relationship or rapport between two individuals. Susan talks about finding ways to establish this connection despite the initial confusion and defensive behaviors that may arise from mutual attraction.
💡Fear
Fear is an emotional response to perceived danger or threat. In the script, Susan discusses the fear that can accompany the act of showing one's feelings, which can prevent individuals from stepping forward and acknowledging their attraction to another person.
💡Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Susan demonstrates empathy by acknowledging the discomfort and confusion that can arise from unexpressed attraction and by offering advice on how to navigate these complex emotional situations.
Highlights

Susan Winter discusses a confusing situation where a person attracted to you tries to hide their feelings.

Recognizing the deep, mutual attraction that doesn't happen every day and acknowledging its reality.

Susan's personal experience of being very open and honest, which can lead to excitement and difficulty hiding feelings.

The common human response of not revealing one's hand or feelings to maintain control or due to vulnerability.

The confusion caused when someone you know is attracted to you acts dismissive or mean as a cover for their interest.

Understanding that the other person may be incredibly uncomfortable and the importance of creating comfort.

Susan's strategy of engaging in observational conversation to ease tension and avoid direct one-on-one interaction.

The importance of trust in your own feelings and rationality when you sense mutual attraction.

Susan's personal story of connecting with a man by talking about observations rather than direct questions.

The revelation that the man was paralyzed by his feelings and didn't know how to act, illustrating extreme aloofness.

Advice for dealing with someone who is attracted but shut down: remove the situation from one-on-one to observational.

Involving the person in external activities to take their focus away from self-consciousness and towards something else.

The importance of trust in your own feelings and the reality of mutual attraction, as it doesn't occur in a vacuum.

Susan's experience counseling people who struggle with showing vulnerability and the difficulty when both parties deflect attraction.

The key takeaway: one person needs to step forward and express their feelings to break the cycle of fear and guard.

Susan Winter concludes with hope that her advice eases the confusion around mixed signals in attraction.

Transcripts

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Related Tags
Relationship AdviceAttraction DynamicsEmotional ReactionsCommunication BarriersSocial InteractionHuman BehaviorMutual AttractionFear of RejectionEmpowermentSelf-Awareness