How to do laundry when you're depressed | KC Davis | TEDxMileHigh
TLDRIn this inspiring talk, a therapist with ADHD shares her journey of using a new philosophy on cleaning to address mental health. After her meticulously planned postpartum support vanished due to COVID, she found solace in TikTok, where her candid videos about household chaos resonated with many struggling with daily tasks due to various mental health issues. The speaker advocates for viewing care tasks as morally neutral and emphasizes functionality over perfection, encouraging people to find personalized solutions to improve their quality of life and mental well-being.
Takeaways
- 📚 The author received a profound email from a reader whose life was saved by her book on cleaning, highlighting the unexpected connection between cleaning and mental health.
- 🤱 As a therapist with ADHD, the author faced personal challenges managing household tasks after the birth of her second child, which led to feelings of failure and depression.
- 🏠 The COVID-19 lockdown disrupted the author's meticulously planned support system, exacerbating her struggles with household chores and mental health.
- 🎥 The author's humorous TikTok videos about her messy house unexpectedly resonated with viewers, leading to an outpouring of stories from people struggling with daily tasks due to various mental health issues.
- 🧺 The complexity of seemingly simple tasks like laundry can be overwhelming for those dealing with mental health challenges, emphasizing the need for a more compassionate approach to these tasks.
- 🌟 The author proposes a philosophy that views care tasks like cooking, cleaning, and laundry as morally neutral, not as measures of a person's worth or failure.
- 💡 By reframing care tasks as morally neutral, individuals can focus on functionality rather than perfection, leading to more manageable and personalized solutions.
- 🔄 The author encourages viewers to ask themselves what they are trying to achieve and how they can achieve it in their own way, promoting a more flexible and compassionate approach to daily tasks.
- 🌈 Personal stories from viewers, like Amanda who lost her baby and Lula who struggled with depression, illustrate how reframing care tasks can lead to practical solutions and improved mental health.
- 🏡 The author's own realization that not all clothes need to be folded, and her adoption of a 'good enough is perfect' motto, demonstrate how small changes can make a significant impact on mental well-being.
- 💖 The speech concludes with a call for mental health treatment to consider the role of care tasks and self-compassion, suggesting that acknowledging and adapting to one's current barriers can lead to a more functional and compassionate approach to life.
Q & A
What prompted the speaker to start posting videos on TikTok about their messy house?
-The speaker posted a joke video on TikTok about their messy house as a way to cope with their feelings of being overwhelmed, which led to unexpected positive feedback from others who related to their struggles.
What is the speaker's main profession?
-The speaker is a therapist with ADHD.
How did the COVID lockdowns affect the speaker's postpartum plan?
-The COVID lockdowns caused the speaker's meticulously planned postpartum support to disappear overnight, leading to overwhelming difficulties in managing daily tasks and mental health.
What did the speaker learn from the stories shared in the comment sections of their videos?
-The speaker learned that many people struggle with daily care tasks due to various mental health issues like depression, ADHD, autism, burnout, and bereavement, and these tasks can become significant pain points in their lives.
What is the core philosophy the speaker developed regarding care tasks?
-The speaker's core philosophy is that care tasks are morally neutral, meaning that struggling with tasks like cleaning and cooking does not make someone a bad person, and these tasks should be customized to work for the individual’s needs and barriers.
How did the speaker's view on laundry change?
-The speaker realized that many items of clothing, like baby onesies and athletic shorts, didn't need to be folded, leading them to adopt a more functional approach to laundry, which involved organizing clothes in bins rather than folding them.
What was the impact of viewing care tasks as morally neutral on Amanda, who had lost her baby?
-Viewing care tasks as morally neutral helped Amanda focus on what she needed to function, such as washing two coffee cups from a pile of dishes, which made it easier for her to get up in the morning and start her day.
What practical solutions did the speaker suggest for those struggling with care tasks due to mental health challenges?
-The speaker suggested solutions like using baby wipes instead of showering, using paper plates and heating up frozen meals instead of cooking, and using a two-gallon Ziploc bag to store dirty dishes to prevent bugs until ready to wash them.
What did the speaker emphasize about the nature of care tasks and self-worth?
-The speaker emphasized that care tasks should not be seen as measures of self-worth or morality, but rather as functional tasks that can be adapted to an individual's needs and circumstances.
How does the speaker's philosophy aim to improve mental health?
-The speaker's philosophy aims to improve mental health by shifting the perspective on care tasks, allowing individuals to approach these tasks with self-compassion and creativity, which can lead to a more functional and supportive living environment.
Outlines
📖 Saving a Life with a Cleaning Book
The speaker, a therapist with ADHD, shares an email from a reader who claimed her book on cleaning saved them from suicide. This revelation sparks a discussion on how new philosophies on cleaning can improve mental health. She recounts her meticulous postpartum plan that was disrupted by the COVID-19 lockdowns, leading to overwhelming chaos and depression. Posting humorous videos about her messy house on TikTok, she initially faced criticism but soon found a supportive community sharing similar struggles.
🧺 The Complexity of Simple Tasks
The speaker reflects on the surprising number of people who struggle with daily care tasks like laundry and dishes due to mental health issues. She describes how these tasks, which may seem simple to some, can be overwhelming for others. Examples include a woman frozen at her sink after losing her baby and another unable to brush her teeth due to chronic health problems. The speaker emphasizes the myriad steps involved in tasks like laundry and how they can be daunting, especially for those dealing with significant emotional burdens.
🛋️ Morally Neutral Care Tasks
The speaker introduces the idea that care tasks are morally neutral, challenging the perception that struggling with them is a moral failing. She shares stories of people who benefited from viewing tasks like washing dishes and brushing teeth as neutral. By focusing on functionality rather than morality, individuals can create systems that work for their unique needs. The speaker highlights how this shift in perspective allowed people to find practical solutions and regain control over their lives, emphasizing the importance of customizing routines to fit personal barriers.
🌟 Embracing 'Good Enough'
The speaker shares her motto, 'Good enough is perfect,' encouraging people to do tasks imperfectly if needed. She offers practical advice for adapting care tasks to one's current abilities, such as using baby wipes instead of showering or keeping dirty dishes in a sealed bag to avoid pests. The focus is on compassion and finding ways to function despite difficulties. The speaker argues that this approach can significantly improve mental health, fostering creativity and self-compassion in the process. She concludes by questioning what else people might be worthy of if they deserve functional spaces.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Care tasks
💡Morally neutral
Highlights
An email from a reader mentioned the book helped them through a suicidal phase, highlighting the unexpected impact of a book on cleaning on mental health.
The speaker is a therapist with ADHD who developed a meticulous postpartum plan that was disrupted by the COVID-19 lockdown.
The speaker posted a joke video on TikTok about her messy house, which led to numerous comments from people sharing their struggles with daily tasks due to mental health issues.
The speaker emphasizes that care tasks like cooking, cleaning, and laundry are morally neutral and do not determine a person's worth.
Care tasks should be seen as functional rather than moral obligations, allowing people to focus on what they need to function rather than on societal standards.
The speaker developed a philosophy that making daily tasks easier can improve mental health more quickly.
The speaker shared a story about Amanda, who, after losing her baby, began to see care tasks as morally neutral and was able to take small steps to improve her functionality.
The speaker's motto is 'Good enough is perfect,' encouraging people to take shortcuts and break rules to manage care tasks in a way that works for them.
The speaker suggests using practical solutions like baby wipes for hygiene, frozen meals for food, and Ziploc bags for dirty dishes when struggling with traditional care tasks.
Mental health treatment should start with addressing care tasks and customizing them to improve individuals' quality of life.
The speaker moved all her family's clothes into one closet and organized them in bins to simplify laundry, demonstrating practical adaptation.
The speaker received support from others in her TikTok comments, showing a community of people struggling with similar issues.
The philosophy encourages speaking compassionately to oneself and recognizing that people having a hard time deserve compassion and functional solutions.
Care tasks are seen as major pain points in many people's lives, often not addressed in traditional therapy.
The speaker's approach helps people with mental health challenges to achieve daily care tasks, improving their overall well-being and functionality.
Transcripts
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