Why Dating Apps Don't Work For Many Men (The Truth)

Courtney Ryan
16 Apr 202214:04
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRIn this video, Courtney Ryan addresses the common struggles men face with dating apps, explaining why they often fail to yield results. She highlights the difficulty of standing out in a sea of profiles, the superficial nature of first impressions, and the misuse of apps for validation rather than genuine dating. Offering practical advice, Courtney suggests improving profile photos and bios, being self-aware, and knowing when to step away from apps. She encourages trying in-person interactions for a more authentic connection, emphasizing that while dating apps work for some, alternative methods can be more successful for others.

Takeaways
  • 😣 Dating apps can be tough for men to stand out due to the sheer volume of messages and matches women receive.
  • 🔍 First impressions are critical on dating apps, with users having only seconds to make an impact before being swiped by.
  • 📷 The importance of having high-quality profile photos cannot be overstated, as they are often the deciding factor in whether a match is made.
  • 🤔 Some women use dating apps for validation rather than for serious dating, which can be a source of frustration for men seeking genuine connections.
  • 🚫 Avoid sending explicit or vulgar messages as a first impression, as this can immediately disqualify a potential match.
  • 💡 Tailor your initial message to the individual's profile to stand out and show genuine interest, rather than using generic pick-up lines.
  • 🧐 Be self-aware and critically evaluate your profile; consider whether it accurately represents the person you are and the type of match you want to attract.
  • 🚫 Recognize when it's time to step away from dating apps if they are not yielding results despite your best efforts.
  • 💰 Be aware that dating apps are designed to encourage spending, and consider whether the investment is worth the potential return.
  • 🌳 Consider alternative methods of meeting people, such as in-person interactions, which can offer a more authentic representation of who you are.
  • 🤝 Engage in real-life social activities to increase the chances of meeting potential partners in a more natural setting.
Q & A

  • Why do dating apps often fail for many men according to Courtney Ryan?

    -Courtney Ryan suggests that dating apps fail for many men because it's incredibly tough for them to stand out among the sea of other men, as women receive hundreds of messages daily. Men often become just one of many matches and struggle to make a strong first impression quickly.

  • What is Courtney's advice on improving one's dating app profile picture?

    -Courtney advises changing the first profile photo to one that better represents the individual, ensuring the photos are of good quality and not just mirror selfies. She suggests being intentional about the photos chosen for the profile, which can significantly increase success on dating apps.

  • How does Courtney address the issue of some women using dating apps for validation rather than serious dating?

    -Courtney acknowledges that some women use dating apps for validation and attention, treating them like social media for instant gratification. However, she also emphasizes that not all women are like this, and there are genuine users looking for relationships.

  • What role does the profile bio play in the success of a dating app profile, according to Courtney?

    -The profile bio plays a significant role in the success of a dating app profile. Courtney suggests that having a well-written bio, along with high-quality pictures, can enhance a profile and increase the chances of getting matches.

  • What is Courtney's view on the importance of being self-aware when creating a dating app profile?

    -Courtney believes that self-awareness is crucial when creating a dating app profile. She encourages individuals to consider whether their profile would attract the type of person they want to meet and to make necessary adjustments based on that self-assessment.

  • What does Courtney suggest as a potential solution for men who are not getting matches on dating apps?

    -Courtney suggests that men should review and enhance their profiles, including changing profile pictures and improving their bio. She also recommends watching her critique videos for examples of good and bad profiles.

  • How does Courtney define the 'message theory' in the context of dating apps?

    -The 'message theory' as defined by Courtney refers to the idea that the first message sent on a dating app must pass a 'vibe check'. It should not be too explicit, vulgar, or a generic copy-pasted message, but rather curated to match the interests and profile of the recipient.

  • What is Courtney's opinion on the role of physical appearance in the success of dating apps?

    -While Courtney acknowledges that physical appearance can help in getting matches, she emphasizes that it is not the only factor. She advises that looking good in photos and writing well are important, but so is being genuine and showcasing one's personality.

  • What advice does Courtney give to men who have tried everything to improve their dating app profiles but still aren't successful?

    -Courtney advises such men to be honest with themselves, reflect on what isn't working, and consider walking away from the apps if they are not yielding results despite their best efforts. She also suggests not spending more money on apps that aren't providing value.

  • How does Courtney recommend meeting potential partners if dating apps are not successful?

    -Courtney recommends taking the in-person route, suggesting that meeting people in real life can be more successful for men. She encourages getting out of the comfort zone, joining clubs, attending social events, or simply approaching women in public settings.

  • What is Courtney's personal experience with dating apps, and how does it inform her advice?

    -Courtney met her fiancé on a dating app, which informs her positive view that dating apps can work for some people. However, her personal experience and observations also lead her to acknowledge the struggles many men face and to provide advice based on a balanced understanding of both success and challenges.

Outlines
00:00
😔 Struggles of Men on Dating Apps

Courtney Ryan discusses the difficulties men face on dating apps, such as standing out among the crowd due to the sheer volume of messages women receive. She emphasizes the superficial nature of these platforms, where first impressions are crucial and often based on attractiveness. Courtney suggests improving one's profile with better photos and a thoughtful bio to increase the chances of getting noticed and matched.

05:01
🤔 Seeking Validation on Dating Apps

The second paragraph delves into the use of dating apps as a source of validation rather than genuine dating. Courtney mentions instances where women use the apps to boost their ego and receive attention, treating them more like social media platforms. She clarifies that not all women are like this, and some do seek serious relationships, but acknowledges the reality that men must face when using these apps for dating.

10:02
📝 Improving Your Dating App Profile

Courtney offers advice on enhancing one's dating app profile to improve success rates. She suggests being self-aware and considering the quality of profile pictures and the bio's appeal. She references her past critique videos that provide examples of effective and ineffective profiles, encouraging viewers to learn from these to refine their own profiles and increase their chances of getting matches.

💬 Crafting the Right First Message

In this paragraph, Courtney introduces the 'message theory,' which posits that the content of the first message can make or break a potential connection. She warns against sending explicit or vulgar messages that can turn off the recipient. Instead, she advises tailoring the message to the individual's profile and reading the situation to gauge the appropriateness of the content, emphasizing the importance of personalizing messages to stand out.

👫 Honest Advice on Dating Apps

Courtney concludes with personal advice, drawing from her own experience of meeting her fiancé on a dating app. She advises viewers to be honest with themselves about why they are not successful on dating apps and to reflect on their profiles from a potential match's perspective. If all else fails, she suggests knowing when to stop using the apps and to consider meeting people in person, as real-life interactions can offer a more genuine connection beyond the superficial judgments of dating apps.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Dating Apps
Dating apps are digital platforms designed to facilitate romantic connections between individuals. They are central to the video's theme as the speaker discusses the challenges men face while using these platforms. The script mentions that many men struggle to stand out on dating apps due to the sheer volume of competition and the superficial nature of first impressions.
💡Standing Out
The concept of 'standing out' refers to the ability to be distinctive or noticeable among others. In the context of the video, it addresses the difficulty men have in making themselves noticeable to women on dating apps, where they may be one among hundreds of potential matches.
💡First Impressions
First impressions are the initial judgments made about someone or something within the first moments of encountering them. The video emphasizes the importance of making a good first impression on dating apps, as users often decide to swipe right or left based on a quick evaluation of a profile photo and bio.
💡Attractiveness
Attractiveness pertains to the quality of being visually pleasing or appealing. The script suggests that, on dating apps, men in the top percentiles of attractiveness may have an easier time getting matches, highlighting the role of physical appearance in the app's matching process.
💡Validation
Validation in this context refers to the psychological need to have one's feelings, beliefs, or decisions confirmed by others. The video discusses how some women use dating apps not for dating but for the ego boost and validation they receive from the attention of men, which can be disheartening for those seeking genuine connections.
💡Profile
A profile on a dating app is a user's personal space where they present themselves with photos, a bio, and other information. The video stresses the importance of having a well-crafted profile to increase the chances of getting matches, as it is often the first point of contact with potential partners.
💡Superficial
The term 'superficial' describes something that is concerned only with surface aspects, without considering deeper meanings or values. The speaker uses this term to describe the nature of dating apps, where decisions to swipe are often based on appearances rather than deeper qualities.
💡Message Theory
The 'message theory' is a concept introduced by the speaker to explain the importance of the initial message sent to a match on a dating app. It suggests that the content and tone of the first message can significantly influence whether a conversation will progress, with examples given of messages that do not 'pass the vibe check'.
💡Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the capacity for introspection and the ability to understand one's own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. In the video, the speaker encourages men to be self-aware when evaluating their dating app profiles, to understand how they may be perceived by others and to make necessary adjustments.
💡In-Person
The term 'in-person' refers to interactions that occur face-to-face rather than through digital means. The video concludes with advice to consider meeting potential partners in real-life settings, suggesting that in-person interactions can offer a more authentic and less superficial way to connect with others.
💡Swipe
To 'swipe' on a dating app means to make a quick decision to either accept or reject a profile. The script frequently mentions swiping as the primary action users take to either match with or dismiss potential romantic interests based on brief profiles.
Highlights

Courtney Ryan discusses the challenges men face on dating apps and offers advice to improve their experience.

Standing out on dating apps is difficult due to the high volume of messages women receive daily.

First impressions are crucial on dating apps, with users having seconds to make an impact.

Dating apps are more superficial than real-life interactions, often judging quickly based on appearance.

Suggests improving profile photos and being intentional with the images used on dating profiles.

Some women use dating apps for validation rather than serious dating, affecting men's success on these platforms.

Not every woman on dating apps is seeking validation, and some are genuinely looking to meet people.

Profile quality can significantly affect success on dating apps, with suggestions to improve bio and photo selection.

Critique videos are recommended to understand the nuances of effective dating app profiles.

The importance of self-awareness when evaluating and enhancing one's dating app profile.

The 'message theory' suggests that the content of the first message can make or break a potential match.

Avoiding explicit or vulgar messages is crucial for passing the 'vibe check' on dating apps.

Personalizing messages based on the recipient's profile can increase the chances of a response.

Courtney shares her personal success story of meeting her fiancé on a dating app, validating their effectiveness.

Honest self-reflection is advised to identify the root of dating app struggles.

If all efforts to improve dating app success fail, it may be time to consider alternative methods.

Meeting people in person can be more successful for some men due to the opportunity to showcase personality.

Encouragement to step out of comfort zones and explore meeting people outside of dating apps.

Transcripts

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Dating AppsMen's StrugglesProfile AdviceFirst ImpressionsOnline DatingAttraction TipsValidation IssuesMessage CraftingIn-Person MeetingDating Tips