Children in Need. Children Ignored. | John DeGarmo, Ed.D. | TEDxGeorgiaTech

TEDx Talks
3 Jul 201918:50
EducationalLearning
32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRThe speaker, a foster parent with 17 years of experience, recounts the emotional journey of fostering over 60 children, including the heart-wrenching story of Sidney, a severely abused girl. Despite the system's failures and personal heartbreak, the talk emphasizes the critical need for love, stability, and support in foster care. It calls for community involvement, offering various ways to help, and stresses the profound impact of care on a child's life.

Takeaways
  • 👨‍👧‍👦 The speaker has been a foster parent for 17 years and has seen over 60 children in their home, highlighting the scale of the foster care system.
  • 📞 The call from a welfare agency is a critical moment for foster parents to assess whether they can accommodate a new child's needs.
  • 👶 The children in foster care come from backgrounds of abuse, neglect, and abandonment, and are often in dire need of a stable and supportive environment.
  • 🏠 The speaker's home has housed a wide range of children, from infants to teenagers, and has even adopted three of them, showing the diversity of foster care situations.
  • 🤔 Foster parents must quickly evaluate if their home is the right fit for a child, considering the child's specific needs and the impact on their family.
  • 😢 The emotional trauma experienced by children when they are placed in foster care is profound, often leading to feelings of fear, confusion, and abandonment.
  • 🍽️ Some children in foster care have experienced such scarcity that they hoard food, reflecting the deep-seated anxieties stemming from their past.
  • 📚 Academic challenges are common among foster children, with many falling behind in school due to frequent moves and disrupted education.
  • 💔 The process of attachment and trust is difficult for children with attachment disorders, who have been abused and have difficulty forming healthy relationships.
  • 🏡 The speaker emphasizes the importance of love, stability, and security for foster children, as these are crucial for their emotional healing and development.
  • 🌐 The speaker's personal story of losing touch with a foster child and the subsequent search highlights the complexities and heartbreaks of the foster care system.
  • 🚨 The statistics on foster children aging out of the system are grim, with high rates of homelessness, incarceration, and continuation of the cycle through their own children.
  • 🤝 The speaker encourages everyone to find ways to help foster children, whether through advocacy, mentorship, or providing material support, as every contribution can make a difference.
Q & A

  • What is the primary reason for children being placed in foster care according to the speaker?

    -The primary reasons for children being placed in foster care, as mentioned in the script, include various forms of abuse, neglect, and abandonment.

  • How many children has the speaker and his wife fostered over the years?

    -The speaker and his wife have fostered over 60 children in their 17 years as a foster family.

  • What is the youngest and oldest age of the children the speaker has cared for?

    -The speaker has cared for children as young as 27 hours old and as old as 18 years of age.

  • How many children has the speaker adopted?

    -The speaker has adopted three children.

  • What was the situation of the seven-year-old girl the speaker was asked to foster?

    -The seven-year-old girl was living with her alcoholic grandmother, responsible for her own care, and had been repeatedly raped by her father, a registered sexual predator, while her mother was a drug addict.

  • What was the emotional impact on the speaker when the children he fostered had to leave?

    -The emotional impact on the speaker was significant, as he experienced feelings of grief and loss, often crying over the children he had to say goodbye to.

  • Why was Sidney, one of the children the speaker fostered, moved to live with her aunt and uncle in Florida?

    -Sidney was moved to live with her aunt and uncle in Florida because the judge decided that she needed to be with her family at Christmastime, despite the fact that she had only met them once.

  • What challenges did Sidney face after being moved to Florida?

    -After being moved to Florida, Sidney faced multiple challenges including being raped by her aunt's stepson, being abandoned in a state park, and eventually ending up in a children's mental health hospital.

  • What are some of the long-term consequences for children who age out of the foster care system without support?

    -Some of the long-term consequences for children aging out of the foster care system without support include a high likelihood of dropping out of high school, becoming homeless, and ending up incarcerated.

  • What are some ways that individuals can help children in foster care according to the speaker?

    -Individuals can help children in foster care by becoming a court-appointed special advocate, providing school supplies and essentials, mentoring, tutoring, or teaching important social living skills.

  • What is the speaker's main message regarding the foster care system and the role of the community?

    -The speaker's main message is that while not everyone can be a foster parent, everyone can play a part in helping a child in foster care, and that such help can significantly change a child's life for the better.

Outlines
00:00
👨‍👧 The Call to Foster Care

The first paragraph introduces the experience of a foster parent who receives a call from a welfare agency to take in a child. The speaker, a father with 17 years of experience in foster care, recounts the diverse backgrounds of the over 60 children who have come to his home, including babies and teenagers. He emphasizes the importance of assessing whether his home is suitable for a new child, considering the child's needs and the fit with his family. The narrative then focuses on a particular call about a seven-year-old girl who has suffered abuse and neglect, living with an alcoholic grandmother. After discussing with his wife, the father agrees to take the girl in, highlighting the emotional turmoil and questions children in foster care face when placed in a new home.

05:02
🏡 Welcoming a New Family Member

In this paragraph, the foster father describes the arrival of the seven-year-old girl at his home. He and his daughters welcome her with love, despite the initial confusion. The girl, having been removed from her familiar surroundings, is filled with questions and fears, typical of children in foster care. The father poignantly captures the girl's emotions and the challenges she faces in adjusting to her new environment. He also discusses the girl's struggles with attachment, academics, and behavior, illustrating the complexities of foster care and the deep love he has for her, despite the heartbreak that comes with the temporary nature of foster relationships.

10:03
🚔 The Heartbreaking Separation

The third paragraph recounts the painful experience of having to separate from Sidney, the seven-year-old girl, who is sent to live with distant relatives in Florida. The father describes the emotional turmoil of this decision, especially during the holiday season. He expresses his concern for Sidney's safety and well-being with her new family and his desperate attempts to maintain contact with her. The narrative takes a dramatic turn when Sidney is later abandoned by her relatives and ends up in a series of foster homes, leading to a five-year search by the father to reconnect with her.

15:03
🌏 The Global Search and Advocacy

In the final paragraph, the father concludes his story with the ongoing search for Sidney and the realization of the failures of the foster care system. He shares his determination to prevent similar situations from happening to other children and calls for community involvement in supporting foster children. The speaker outlines various ways individuals can contribute, such as becoming advocates, providing supplies, or offering mentorship. He emphasizes the profound impact such support can have on a child's life, potentially changing their world for the better.

Mindmap
Keywords
💡Foster Care
Foster care is a system in which a minor has been placed into a ward, group home, or private home of a state-certified caregiver, referred to as a 'foster parent'. In the video, the theme revolves around the experiences of foster parents and the children in their care. The script mentions the foster care system as being in crisis, with a large number of children in need of placement and support.
💡Trauma
Trauma refers to deeply distressing or disturbing experiences that can have lasting emotional effects on an individual. In the context of the video, the children in foster care have often suffered from abuse, neglect, and abandonment, leading to significant trauma. The script illustrates this with the story of a seven-year-old girl who has to deal with the aftermath of sexual abuse by her father.
💡Attachment Disorder
Attachment disorder is a condition characterized by an inability to form healthy attachments with others, often stemming from early childhood trauma or neglect. The video discusses how children in foster care, like Sydney, may suffer from reactive attachment disorder, which affects their ability to trust and form bonds with caregivers.
💡Abuse
Abuse is the improper treatment or use of someone to one's advantage, often causing physical or psychological harm. The script describes various forms of abuse, such as sexual abuse by a father and neglect by drug-addicted parents, which are the reasons why children end up in foster care.
💡Neglect
Neglect is the failure to provide for someone's needs, particularly in the context of child welfare, it refers to the lack of proper care and attention. In the video, neglect is exemplified by a mother who is a drug addict, unable to care for her child, leading to the child's placement in foster care.
💡Adoptive Family
An adoptive family is a family that has taken on the legal responsibility for raising a child who is not biologically related to them. The speaker in the video has adopted three children, highlighting the role of adoptive families in providing a stable and loving environment for children in foster care.
💡Stability
Stability in the context of foster care refers to providing a consistent, secure, and nurturing environment for children who have experienced instability and uncertainty. The video emphasizes the importance of stability for children in foster care, as it is a fundamental aspect of their well-being and development.
💡Grief and Loss
Grief and loss are the emotional responses to the end of a deeply cherished relationship, such as the loss of a loved one or a significant change in life. The script describes the foster parents' experience of grief and loss when children they have come to love are removed from their care, as seen when Sydney is taken away.
💡Mentorship
Mentorship is a relationship in which a more experienced or knowledgeable person guides and supports the development of a less experienced or less knowledgeable person. The video suggests that mentorship is one of the ways individuals can help children in foster care, providing guidance and support to help them navigate life's challenges.
💡Human Trafficking
Human trafficking involves the illegal trade of people for exploitation or forced labor. The video mentions that children who run away from the foster care system are at risk of becoming victims of human trafficking, highlighting the dangers faced by those who do not receive adequate support and protection.
💡Opiate Epidemic
The opiate epidemic refers to the widespread misuse of and addiction to opioids, a class of drugs that includes prescription pain relievers, heroin, and synthetic opioids. The script notes that the opiate epidemic is a significant factor contributing to the increase in the number of children entering the foster care system due to parental addiction.
Highlights

The call for foster parents is initiated by a welfare or foster care agency when a child needs placement due to abuse, neglect, or abandonment.

The speaker, with 17 years of experience as a foster parent, has seen over 60 children in their home, ranging from infants to 18-year-olds.

Three children have been adopted by the speaker's family, reflecting the personal connection and commitment to foster care.

The family has cared for as many as 11 children at once, emphasizing the scale and dedication of their foster care efforts.

The process of accepting a new foster child involves rapid decision-making to assess the suitability of the home and the child's needs.

The story of a seven-year-old girl's placement highlights the urgency and complexity of foster care situations.

The child's background includes severe abuse and neglect, illustrating the difficult circumstances that lead to foster care.

The emotional impact of foster care is profound, with children experiencing fear, confusion, and a sense of loss.

The speaker's family provides a nurturing environment to help the child adjust and feel secure.

The story of Sidney, a child with reactive attachment disorder, demonstrates the challenges faced by foster children in forming attachments and trust.

Sidney's academic and behavioral struggles reflect common issues among foster children due to instability and trauma.

The emotional bond between foster parents and children is deep, leading to feelings of grief and loss when children leave.

The speaker's commitment to finding Sidney after she was moved away showcases the enduring love and concern of foster parents.

The tragic outcome for Sidney, including her displacement and struggles, underscores the failures of the foster care system.

The speaker's advocacy for systemic change and community involvement to support foster children is a call to action.

The potential for individuals to make a difference in a foster child's life, even if they cannot become foster parents themselves.

The importance of providing love, stability, and a sense of family to foster children to help break the cycle of abuse and neglect.

Transcripts

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Related Tags
Foster CareParentingTraumaAbuseAdoptionSupportAdvocacyChild WelfareEmotionalFamily