Без лица: зависимый от порно. История сексоголика
TLDRThe speaker shares a deeply personal account of his lifelong struggle with sex addiction, a condition that began in childhood and persisted into adulthood, causing significant psychological and emotional distress. He describes the onset of sexual fantasies at a young age, the introduction to masturbation by an older teenager, and the subsequent daily habit that developed. Despite societal and familial pressures, his compulsion continued, leading to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. The narrative details his attempts to cope through sports and alcohol, his early marriage, and the ongoing issues with pornography and infidelity. He also discusses the physical and mental toll of his addiction, its impact on his work performance, and the eventual disciplinary action that led to a psychiatric hospitalization and job loss. The speaker highlights the support he found in the community of Sex Addicts Anonymous, which helped him achieve sobriety and personal growth. He emphasizes the importance of sharing recovery stories to help others and describes his current life as an improved and spiritually enriched existence.
Takeaways
- 📚 The speaker has suffered from a severe psychological and spiritual illness known as sex addiction for a long time.
- 🌱 His thoughts about sex began at a very young age, around 4-5 years old, even while he was in kindergarten.
- 🚫 At the age of eight, he was taught to masturbate by an older teenager, which led to a daily habit by the age of 10-12.
- 👵 His mother noticed his masturbation habits in childhood, leading to feelings of guilt and shame.
- 🧘 He struggled with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, which affected his ability to focus and perform well in school and work.
- 🏋️♂️ The speaker attempted to compensate for his feelings of guilt through sports, but it wasn't enough to alleviate his struggles.
- 🍻 Alcohol became a means to numb his guilt, and he experienced alcohol intoxication at a young age, which was not normal during the 1980s.
- 💍 He married early to a respectable woman, which provided a temporary illusion of normalcy.
- 🔥 Despite being married, he continued to engage in extramarital affairs and pornography, which further complicated his life.
- 📉 His addictions affected his physical health and his professional capabilities, making it difficult to maintain a clear mind for work.
- 🚫 His behavior led to a disciplinary action at work, which resulted in a brief stay in a psychiatric hospital and subsequent dismissal.
- 🏠 His actions caused significant damage to his family, particularly his wife, who had to deal with his infidelity and the emotional turmoil it caused.
- 🆘 He reached a point where he had suicidal thoughts due to the despair of his situation.
- 👫 He found help through the community of Sex Addicts Anonymous, which helped him understand the nature of his addiction.
- 🎉 The speaker has remained sober for over five years by the standards of the Sex Addicts Anonymous program.
- 📛 The principles of Sex Addicts Anonymous include the importance of sharing one's recovery journey, which the speaker is doing through this interview.
- 🌐 He encourages anyone struggling with similar issues to seek help through the provided resources, emphasizing the spiritual growth and recovery process.
- 🙏 The speaker expresses gratitude for his recovery, stating that his life has significantly improved since he started his journey with the program.
Q & A
What is the psychological and spiritual condition the speaker has been suffering from for a long time?
-The speaker has been suffering from sex addiction, which is a serious psychological and spiritual condition.
At what age did the speaker start having sexual fantasies?
-The speaker started having sexual fantasies at the age of 4-5 years old while being in a kindergarten.
What tragic event occurred in the speaker's life that significantly influenced his behavior?
-A tragic event in the speaker's life was meeting an older boy, around 16 or 17 years old, who taught him how to masturbate when he was only eight years old.
How did the speaker's mother react when she discovered his masturbation habits during his childhood?
-The speaker's mother reacted with scandal and scolding, telling him that he would not be able to have a family or a wife when he grows up.
What feelings did the speaker experience during his school years because of his habit?
-The speaker experienced a sense of guilt and shame, often resolving to abstain but frequently failing to do so.
How did the speaker's early marriage and the illusion of being a normal person affect his condition?
-Early marriage to a decent woman provided a temporary illusion of normalcy, but it did not resolve his underlying issues, including his continued use of pornography and masturbation.
What was the nature of the speaker's professional activities that enabled him to justify his absence from home?
-The speaker's professional activities involved a lot of analysis and provided opportunities for justifying night absences, which he used to engage in extramarital affairs.
How did the speaker's physical health and professional performance suffer due to his habits?
-The speaker's physical health weakened due to frequent ejaculation, and his professional performance suffered, particularly when he was under the influence of lust or alcohol.
What was the turning point that led to the speaker seeking help for his condition?
-The turning point was a disciplinary offense committed while drunk, which led to his superiors placing him in a psychiatric hospital and subsequently dismissing him from his job.
How did the speaker's family cope with the damage caused by his addiction?
-The speaker's family, particularly his wife, suffered greatly from his infidelity and the emotional turmoil it caused. His wife found the strength to embark on a path of forgiveness, though the process was cyclical and emotionally challenging.
What was the speaker's lowest point before he decided to seek recovery?
-The speaker's lowest point was when he started having suicidal thoughts, not wanting to live anymore due to the depth of his despair.
How did the speaker's life change after joining the community of Sex Addicts Anonymous?
-After joining Sex Addicts Anonymous, the speaker has remained sober for over five years, following the program's standards, which includes no extramarital affairs or masturbation. The program also allowed for intimate relations with a legal spouse and has been a means for spiritual growth and finding faith.
Outlines
😔 Проблемы с сексуальными зависимостями и их влияние на жизнь
Рассказывается о личном опыте борьбы с сексуальными зависимостями, которые начали развиваться в детстве и привели к серьезным психологическим и социальным проблемам. Воспоминается о начале мастурбации в возрасте 8 лет, последующих проблемах с самоконтролем, ощущении вины и неполноценности. Также упоминается использование алкоголя для подавления чувства вины и начало семейной жизни, которое не улучшило ситуацию.
😓 Алкоголизм и нелояльность в семье
Автор описывает последствия своих сексуальных зависимостей и алкоголизма для семьи. Рассказывает о жене, которая приходит в состояние обиды из-за его измен, и о сложностях, связанных с восстановлением доверия. Также упоминается о том, как профессиональная деятельность давала возможностьjustifyirovatsya и как это влияло на здоровье и профессиональный рост.
🙏 Восстановление и спасение через программу Анонимных сексоголиков
Автор рассказывает о том, как он нашел путь к выздоровлению через программу Анонимных сексоголиков. Упоминается о том, что он остается трезвым уже более пяти лет, без измен и мастурбации, и что для него это время стало возможностью духовного роста и обретения Бога. Рассказывается о значении сообщества и о том, как он решил поделиться своим опытом, чтобы помочь другим.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Sexual addiction
💡Childhood fantasies
💡Masturbation
💡Guilt
💡Inferiority complex
💡Alcohol
💡Marriage
💡Pornography
💡Professional behavior
💡Anonymity
💡Spiritual growth
Highlights
The speaker has suffered from a severe psychological and spiritual illness known as sex addiction for an extended period, almost their entire conscious life.
Sex addiction thoughts began in early childhood, around the age of 4-5, while attending kindergarten.
At the age of eight, the speaker was taught to masturbate by an older teenager, which led to a daily habit by the age of 10-12.
The speaker's mother noticed the habit of masturbation in childhood, leading to feelings of guilt and shame.
A sense of inadequacy developed over time, with the speaker struggling to envision a normal life and relationships.
Compensation attempts through sports did not alleviate the struggle significantly.
The speaker's first encounters with alcohol were linked to suppressing feelings of guilt.
By the age of 14-15, the speaker was familiar with the state of alcoholic intoxication, which was abnormal during that time period.
An early marriage to a decent woman brought a temporary illusion of normalcy.
Despite being married, the speaker continued to engage in extramarital affairs and pornography.
The physical and moral consequences of masturbation and pornography use were significant, impacting work performance.
The speaker experienced a crisis that led to a disciplinary offense and subsequent hospitalization in a psychiatric clinic.
The damage to the family from the speaker's addictions included betrayal and the strain of dealing with an addicted spouse.
The speaker found a turning point and began the journey to recovery through the community of Sex Addicts Anonymous.
Remaining sober for over five years by the standards of the Sex Addicts Anonymous program has led to no extramarital affairs or masturbation.
The program allows for intimate relationships with one's spouse and is focused on spiritual growth and recovery.
The speaker willingly shares his story to promote awareness and the principles of recovery through Sex Addicts Anonymous.
The speaker's current perspective on his illness is one of gratitude, as it has led to personal growth and a stronger sense of self.
The journey through the program has not only been about recovery from addiction but also about spiritual development and finding faith.
Transcripts
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