If He GHOSTED Or LIED To You, Watch This! | Matthew Hussey

Full Episodes of Women of Impact
8 Sept 202158:23
EducationalLearning
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TLDRIn this insightful discussion, the speakers delve into the complexities of commitment and relationships in modern society. They explore how social media and dating apps have altered the dynamics of attraction and connection, leading to a struggle with commitment for many individuals. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding one's own patterns and expectations in relationships, and the necessity of open communication and honesty. The speakers also discuss the dangers of investing in relationships where the other party is not equally committed, and the value of self-awareness and growth in fostering healthy connections.

Takeaways
  • πŸ’” Struggling with commitment is common in today's society, often exacerbated by social media and dating apps which can inflate ego and distract from forming deep connections.
  • πŸ€” The anticipation and investment in a relationship are crucial for attraction and maintaining interest. Modern dating can disrupt this by offering too many options and distractions.
  • πŸ”„ Fear of commitment can stem from past experiences where investment was not reciprocated, leading to a reluctance to invest deeply again.
  • πŸ’¬ Open communication about expectations and desires in a relationship is essential. It's important to discuss commitment and understand each other's readiness for a serious relationship.
  • πŸ“ˆ Past relationship patterns can influence current behavior, but individuals can show growth and change. It's important to observe consistent actions rather than just words.
  • πŸ” Pay attention to red flags in relationships, such as a partner stating they are not ready for a relationship, as this can indicate potential future heartbreak.
  • 🚦 Timing is crucial in relationships. If one person is not ready for commitment, it may be best to move on rather than waiting for them to change.
  • πŸ’“ It's important to be with someone who genuinely wants to be in a relationship, not someone who is coerced or convinced into it.
  • πŸ”— Building a strong relationship requires both partners to be invested and committed. One-sided investment can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction.
  • πŸ›‘ Don't stake your happiness on the hope that someone will change. It's crucial to be honest with yourself about your needs and the reality of the relationship.
Q & A
  • What are some factors that contribute to the struggle with commitment in today's society?

    -Social media and dating apps have exacerbated the ego and the need for attention and connection, leading to a struggle with commitment as they interrupt the normal attraction circuitry and make it difficult to invest deeply in one person.

  • How does the use of dating apps affect the process of getting to know someone and forming a connection?

    -Dating apps allow for communication with multiple people simultaneously, which can dilute the focus and investment in any single person. This can make it harder to develop a deep connection and fully appreciate the time and effort put into a relationship.

  • What is the importance of anticipation in the process of attraction?

    -Anticipation is a crucial part of attraction as it builds the narrative and plot line of a potential relationship. It involves investing psychologically in the situation, replaying interactions, and looking forward to future encounters, which increases the attraction and value of the relationship.

  • How can past relationship patterns affect one's approach to commitment in future relationships?

    -Past relationship patterns can lead to fear of commitment if there has been a history of giving too much without reciprocation. It's important to recognize these patterns and understand that the pain from past relationships may be due to ignoring certain red flags or signs rather than the act of giving itself.

  • What is a practical approach to discussing commitment in a relationship?

    -A practical approach involves setting a time limit for assessing the relationship's potential, such as two months, and then reevaluating the situation. It's important to communicate openly about one's desire for a committed relationship and to gauge whether the other person is open to the same.

  • Why is it important to be aware of our own energy and emotional investment in a relationship?

    -Being aware of our energy and emotional investment helps us manage our resources effectively. It prevents us from becoming drained or burnt out by relationships that are not reciprocating the effort or are not leading to a meaningful connection.

  • How can we differentiate between someone who has genuinely changed from their past behaviors and someone who may still exhibit those behaviors?

    -It's important to observe consistent character and actions over time. If someone acknowledges their past, takes ownership, and demonstrates a genuine shift in behavior, it's a sign of change. However, if the relationship started based on problematic past behaviors, it's harder to trust that those behaviors are in the past.

  • What should one consider when evaluating a partner's past commitment levels in relationships?

    -One should consider if the partner has shown a pattern of growth and change from their past. It's crucial to observe their current actions and behaviors towards commitment rather than solely focusing on their past reputation or mistakes.

  • How can we effectively navigate a situation where we feel disrespected or lied to in a relationship?

    -It's important to listen to our gut feelings and seek honest opinions from trusted friends or mentors. We should provide all the facts of the situation, including our own contributions, to allow for objective advice and a clear understanding of the dynamics at play.

  • What is the significance of timing in a relationship?

    -Timing is paramount in relationships. Being in a relationship when one or both partners are not ready can lead to stagnation and unfulfilled desires. It's essential to be with someone who shares the same readiness and goals for the relationship.

  • Why is it important to be honest with ourselves about our feelings and needs in a relationship?

    -Honesty with ourselves about our feelings and needs is crucial for our happiness and well-being. Staying in a relationship that doesn't meet our needs can lead to resentment, loss of confidence, and a decrease in life quality. It's better to face the truth and seek a relationship that aligns with our desires and needs.

Outlines
00:00
πŸ’” Struggling with Commitment

The paragraph discusses the challenges people face when it comes to commitment in relationships. It highlights how social media and dating apps have amplified the ego and the need for attention and connection, leading to a struggle with committing to one person. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding why people have difficulty committing and suggests that the modern way of dating has altered the traditional attraction circuitry. It suggests that the fear of commitment may stem from a fear of investing too much too soon, and that past experiences can influence current relationship behaviors.

05:01
πŸ—£οΈ Communication and Expectations

This paragraph focuses on the importance of communication in relationships, especially when it comes to expectations and commitment. It explores the idea of valuing what we invest in and how investment affects our level of care. The discussion points out the need to assess whether a relationship is reciprocal and to recognize patterns of past pain that might be affecting current relationship dynamics. It suggests that understanding and addressing these patterns can lead to healthier relationships and better choices in partners.

10:02
πŸ€” Navigating Unequal Investment

The paragraph delves into the complexities of relationships where one person is investing more energy and effort than the other. It emphasizes the importance of having open conversations about commitment and setting boundaries. The discussion suggests practical models for assessing the investment in a relationship, such as setting a time limit to evaluate the progress and reciprocity. It also touches on the concept of 'unconditional love' in romantic relationships and the importance of being honest and measured in giving one's energy to others.

15:03
πŸ’¬ The Art of Conversation

This paragraph discusses the art of having meaningful conversations in relationships, especially when it comes to discussing commitment and expectations. It highlights the importance of being brave enough to ask tough questions and to face potentially uncomfortable answers. The conversation emphasizes the need to be authentic and to give space for both giving and receiving in a relationship. It also talks about the importance of managing one's energy and not investing too much in relationships that are not going anywhere.

20:04
πŸ”„ Past Patterns and Growth

The paragraph explores the impact of a partner's past behavior on current relationships, focusing on the importance of recognizing and acknowledging past patterns. It discusses the challenge of proving change and the need for consistent actions to back up claims of growth. The conversation suggests that while past behavior can be concerning, it's crucial to see evidence of change and genuine evolution in a person's actions. It also emphasizes the importance of giving someone space to show their growth rather than expecting immediate belief in their claims.

25:06
🧐 Assessing Truth and Perception

This paragraph examines the difficulty of discerning truth from self-deception in the stories people tell about their past relationships. It emphasizes the importance of being aware of one's own potential biases and the need to align words with actions. The discussion points out the challenge of being a 'human lie detector' and the importance of observing behavior over words. It suggests that while we can't always know the full truth, we should pay attention to inconsistencies and trust our instincts when something feels off.

30:07
🀝 Building Trust and Seeking Advice

The paragraph discusses the importance of having trusted people around to provide honest opinions and advice in relationships. It highlights the need for open and honest communication, even when it's difficult. The conversation emphasizes the importance of providing the full context when seeking advice and not selectively presenting information to confirm one's own biases. It suggests that trusted friends, mentors, or family members can provide valuable insights and help us recognize patterns or behaviors that we might overlook due to our emotional involvement.

35:08
🌧️ Navigating Relationship Friction

This paragraph focuses on how to handle moments of friction or disagreement in a relationship. It discusses the importance of communication and the impact of how issues are brought up and received. The conversation emphasizes the need for compassion, vulnerability, and setting standards for communication to avoid letting negative emotions take over. It suggests that conflicts can be opportunities to strengthen the relationship if handled with care and understanding, and that every interaction shows who you are and what kind of relationship you want to create.

40:09
πŸ•°οΈ The Importance of Timing

The paragraph discusses the critical role of timing in relationships. It suggests that while there's room for growth and change, being in a relationship with someone who is not ready can be challenging. The conversation highlights the importance of not stunting a partner's development by staying with them when they're not ready for the same level of commitment. It warns against the sunk cost fallacy, where people continue investing in a relationship simply because of the time and energy already spent, and emphasizes the importance of recognizing when a relationship isn't aligned with one's goals and readiness.

45:10
🚦 Assessing Readiness for Commitment

This paragraph emphasizes the importance of assessing a potential partner's readiness for commitment. It warns against the red flag of someone saying they're unsure about being in a relationship, which could indicate an eventual heartbreak. The conversation suggests that it's crucial to be with someone who genuinely wants a relationship, not someone who has been convinced into it. It also stresses the importance of compatibility and shared goals, and the danger of hoping to change someone's fundamental desires or readiness for commitment.

50:13
πŸ’Œ The Power of Honesty

The paragraph discusses the power of honesty in relationships and the importance of being truthful with oneself and others about one's feelings and needs. It highlights the dangers of lying to oneself about the level of happiness or misery in a relationship. The conversation encourages individuals to give their relationships an honest try, to communicate their needs, and to be secure in the knowledge that they can make key decisions for their lives. It also touches on the potential for personal growth and change, and the importance of seizing opportunities for a happier and more fulfilling life.

55:16
🌟 Empowerment Through Challenges

The paragraph introduces a 30-day confidence challenge designed to empower individuals through practical missions that improve self-confidence. It emphasizes the importance of taking on difficult tasks and making key decisions in life. The conversation invites viewers to sign up for the challenge, offering a free 30-day experience aimed at building empowerment and confidence to tackle life's challenges.

Mindmap
Keywords
πŸ’‘Commitment
Commitment refers to the willingness to give time, effort, and dedication to a relationship or task. In the video, it is discussed as a challenge in modern dating, where individuals may struggle to commit due to various factors such as fear of vulnerability or distractions from dating apps. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having open conversations about one's commitment levels early in a relationship to ensure compatibility and prevent heartbreak.
πŸ’‘Attraction Circuitry
Attraction circuitry refers to the psychological and emotional processes that drive attraction and interest in another person. The video discusses how dating apps and social media can disrupt this natural process by providing an overload of potential partners, leading to a lack of deep investment in any single person. This can result in a superficial connection that lacks the anticipation and psychological investment that comes with traditional dating.
πŸ’‘Anticipation
Anticipation is the act of looking forward to future events with excitement or apprehension. In the context of the video, anticipation is a crucial part of attraction, as it builds a narrative around a potential relationship and invests psychological energy into the idea of future interactions. The speaker argues that the lack of anticipation in modern dating is detrimental to forming deep connections.
πŸ’‘Investment
Investment in the video refers to the emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical resources one puts into a relationship. The speaker emphasizes that the more one invests in a relationship, the more one values it. However, if there is no reciprocation, it can lead to feelings of being used or unappreciated. The concept of investment is closely tied to the idea of commitment, as both parties need to invest for a relationship to grow and thrive.
πŸ’‘Energy Management
Energy management in the context of the video refers to the conscious allocation of one's emotional and mental resources in relationships. It involves being aware of when to give and when to hold back, ensuring that one does not become emotionally drained or stuck in a one-sided relationship. The speaker advises managing one's energy to avoid burnout and to ensure that relationships are mutually beneficial.
πŸ’‘Growth Mindset
A growth mindset is the belief that one's abilities and qualities can be improved over time through dedication and effort. In the video, the speaker suggests that individuals with a growth mindset are more likely to acknowledge their past mistakes and work towards change in their relationships. This mindset is contrasted with those who may be defensive and unwilling to change, which can hinder relationship growth.
πŸ’‘Self-Loathing
Self-loathing refers to a deep sense of disgust or hatred towards oneself. In the context of the video, it is mentioned as a consequence of not being true to one's own needs and desires in a relationship. When individuals sacrifice their happiness for the sake of staying in a relationship, they may develop a negative self-image and feel resentment towards themselves for their inability to leave or change the situation.
πŸ’‘Sunk Cost Fallacy
The sunk cost fallacy is a cognitive bias where individuals continue an action based on the amount of resources already invested, rather than evaluating the current and future value of the action. In the video, this concept is applied to relationships, where people may stay in unsatisfactory situations because of the time, energy, or emotional investment they've already made, even if it's not in their best interest.
πŸ’‘Compatibility
Compatibility refers to the degree to which two people share similar traits, values, and goals, making it easier for them to have a successful relationship. The video emphasizes that while love is important, compatibility is crucial for a relationship to thrive. It suggests that being in a relationship with someone who doesn't share the same life goals or readiness for commitment can lead to dissatisfaction and heartbreak.
πŸ’‘Self-Deception
Self-deception is the act of lying to oneself, often to avoid facing uncomfortable truths or realities. In the context of the video, self-deception can manifest when individuals convince themselves that their partner will change or that they are happy in their relationship despite evidence to the contrary. This can lead to a cycle of unhappiness and prevent individuals from making necessary changes for their own well-being.
Highlights

People struggle with commitment due to social media and dating apps amplifying the ego and the need for constant attention and connection.

Dating apps disrupt the normal attraction circuitry by making it less challenging to meet people, thus reducing the value we place on them.

True attraction involves anticipation and psychological investment in the other person, which can be hindered by the casual nature of modern dating.

Commitment in a relationship requires bravery, effort, and valuing the connection, which is often lacking in today's dating culture.

The struggle with commitment is a societal issue, not just an individual one, due to the influence of technology on our relationships.

Investing in a relationship and receiving reciprocation strengthens the bond and creates a sense of value and mutual care.

Ignoring red flags and signs of incompatibility can lead to heartbreak and the fear of future commitment.

Past relationship patterns can affect current relationships, and it's important to recognize and learn from these patterns to improve future connections.

Honest communication about expectations and desires in a relationship is crucial for both partners to understand and meet each other's needs.

Fear of rejection and commitment can cause people to avoid having necessary conversations about the future of their relationship.

Setting a time limit for assessing a relationship's potential can help prevent stagnation and encourage growth or an amicable parting.

It's important to approach relationships with a non-judgmental and compassionate attitude, focusing on energy management and self-awareness.

Recognizing when a relationship is one-sided and not reciprocating the energy and investment you put in is key to avoiding burnout and dissatisfaction.

Having a support system to provide honest feedback and perspective can help navigate the complexities of relationships and personal growth.

The willingness to have difficult conversations and address issues head-on strengthens the foundation of a relationship and fosters mutual respect.

It's crucial to be authentic and open about one's feelings and needs in a relationship, even if it risks vulnerability and potential conflict.

Understanding and accepting that relationships evolve over time, and sometimes they may not align with our initial expectations or desires.

Transcripts
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