3 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone in Early Dating

Matthew Hussey

13 Aug 202311:59

EducationalLearning

32 Likes 10 Comments

TLDRThis video script addresses the common mistake of rushing into relationships and over-investing in someone too soon. The speaker encourages viewers to cultivate an abundant life, maintain a clear vision for the ideal relationship, and develop a belief in better opportunities ahead. By doing so, they can naturally slow down, evaluate potential partners more effectively, and avoid settling for less than they deserve, ultimately becoming more attractive to others.

Takeaways

🚫 Avoid rushing into relationships by investing too quickly without seeing if the other person deserves it.
💡 Recognize that projecting our desires onto someone new can lead to a false perception of their value in our lives.
🤔 Question the helpfulness of investing too much in someone early on, as it might not be beneficial and could even be harmful.
🌱 Cultivate a sense of abundance in life outside of romantic relationships to create a foundation for healthy dating practices.
💼 Use business analogies to emphasize the importance of daily satisfaction in one's career or life, which helps in resisting the temptation to rush into exciting but potentially unsuitable opportunities.
👀 Develop a clear vision for the kind of relationship that will make you happy, including loyalty, peace, and mutual support.
🔄 Understand that having a clear vision helps to temper excitement in the early stages of dating and encourages a more measured approach.
💡 Realize that having high standards and not settling for less is easier when you believe in your own value and the opportunities available to you.
🔄 Practice patience and self-belief that the right person or opportunity will come along, allowing you to take your time in relationships.
🛡️ Establishing standards for relationships should not be a tactic but a reflection of deeper values and beliefs about what you deserve.
🌟 Embrace the idea that when we have high standards and a clear vision, we become more attractive to others as they see we are worth investing in.

Q & A

What is a common mistake people make in their love life according to the transcript?
-A common mistake is rushing into relationships and investing too much in someone before they have shown they deserve it.
Why is it not helpful to rush forward in a relationship?
-It's not helpful because it can show the other person that they don't need to provide value or invest in you to get your value, and it can lead to them taking you for granted.
What does the speaker suggest as a way to slow down in a relationship?
-The speaker suggests connecting to other parts of life that give joy, worthiness, satisfaction, or meaning, especially when meeting someone you like.
How does having a clear vision for the kind of relationship you want help in slowing down?
-Having a clear vision helps you evaluate whether the person you're dating can meet your needs and fits with the culture you want to have in your life, preventing you from getting overly excited too soon.
What does the speaker mean by 'backing yourself to find the thing you're looking for'?
-It means having the confidence and belief that the right thing or person will come along eventually, allowing you to be patient and not settle for something that's wrong for you now.
Why is it important to have an abundant life outside of a relationship?
-An abundant life outside of a relationship creates a level of self-worth and satisfaction that helps you not to rush or over-invest in a new person, and it makes you more attractive by showing you have standards.
What is the irony mentioned by the speaker regarding having standards in relationships?
-The irony is that when you have standards and don't give up your time, energy, or intimacy easily, you become more attractive because others see you as someone who needs to be won over.
What does the speaker suggest is the hardest part of slowing down in relationships?
-The hardest part is having the belief that something better is coming and the confidence in one's own value, which requires past wins and a longer-term perspective.
How does the speaker use business analogies to explain the concept of not rushing into opportunities?
-The speaker compares the excitement of new relationship opportunities to business opportunities, emphasizing the importance of evaluating them based on alignment with personal values and long-term goals rather than jumping at what seems glamorous.
What is the retreat mentioned by the speaker and how does it relate to the script's message?
-The retreat is an event happening in October where the speaker will work with participants to cultivate an abundant life, a clear vision, and belief in their own value, which are key to slowing down and valuing oneself in relationships.

Outlines

00:00

💭 The Pitfalls of Rushing in Relationships

The first paragraph discusses the common mistake of rushing into relationships and investing too much too soon without the other person proving their worth. It emphasizes the importance of slowing down, especially when feeling a scarcity of options, and suggests focusing on other life aspects that bring joy and satisfaction to create an abundance mindset. This mindset helps in not overvaluing new relationships prematurely and encourages a more measured approach to assessing a potential partner's suitability.

05:00

🔍 Cultivating Patience and Vision in Love

The second paragraph builds on the idea of not rushing and introduces the concept of having a clear vision for the kind of relationship one desires. It suggests thinking about the long-term aspects such as loyalty, peace, and teamwork, rather than just the initial excitement of meeting someone new. The paragraph also touches on the importance of self-confidence and the belief that the right person will come along, advocating for patience and not settling for less than what one truly wants in a partner.

10:01

🌟 Transforming Standards into a Lifestyle

The final paragraph emphasizes the need for a deeper foundation to maintain standards in relationships, suggesting that these standards should be more than just tactics but a part of one's lifestyle. It talks about the importance of having an abundant life, a clear and unshakable vision, and a belief in one's own value and the opportunities that will come. The speaker also mentions a retreat program aimed at helping individuals cultivate these aspects of their lives, ultimately leading to a more attractive and self-assured approach to relationships.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Loyalty

Loyalty refers to the sense of trust and faithfulness one wants to feel in a relationship. In the context of the video, it is a key aspect of the ideal relationship one should envision. The speaker asks viewers to consider the level of loyalty they desire from their partner to ensure that the relationship aligns with their long-term needs.

💡Peace

Peace in a relationship signifies the sense of calm and security one seeks. The speaker emphasizes the importance of evaluating the level of peace one wants to feel with a partner, indicating that a truly fulfilling relationship should contribute to one's overall tranquility and well-being.

💡Over-investment

Over-investment refers to the act of putting too much emotional energy and resources into a relationship too quickly. The speaker warns against this common mistake, noting that it can lead to imbalance and a lack of reciprocal effort from the other person. This concept is central to the advice on taking things slowly and ensuring mutual investment.

💡Scarcity

Scarcity describes the feeling of limited opportunities in one's love life, which can lead to rushing into relationships. The video discusses how a scarcity mindset can make it difficult to go slow and evaluate a new partner critically. Overcoming this mindset by finding joy and worthiness in other areas of life is suggested as a solution.

💡Abundance

Abundance refers to a state of having plenty, not just in romantic options but in life overall. The speaker highlights how cultivating a life of abundance in terms of activities, passions, and social connections can prevent one from over-investing in a single person. This abundance helps maintain standards and avoid desperation.

💡Clear Vision

Clear vision is the concept of having a well-defined idea of what one wants in a long-term relationship. The speaker advises viewers to think about the qualities and dynamics they desire in a partner and a relationship. This clarity helps in making better decisions and not getting overly excited too early in the dating process.

💡Belief in Value

Belief in value is the confidence in one's own worth and what one has to offer in a relationship. The video stresses the importance of this self-belief in ensuring that one does not settle for less or rush into a relationship out of fear of not finding something better. It is crucial for maintaining high standards.

💡Investment

Investment in the context of relationships refers to the time, effort, and emotional energy one puts into another person. The speaker explains that mutual investment is necessary for a balanced and healthy relationship. Over-investing without reciprocation can lead to being undervalued and unfulfilled.

💡Slowing Down

Slowing down means taking time to let a relationship develop naturally without rushing into it. The video discusses the importance of slowing down to properly assess a partner's suitability and to avoid premature emotional investment. This approach helps in making more informed and balanced relationship decisions.

💡Options

Options refer to the availability of potential partners or alternatives in one's romantic life. The speaker notes that having more options can make it easier to go slow and be selective, while a perceived lack of options can lead to desperation and over-investment. Cultivating a life rich in various options is encouraged.

💡Existential Problem

Existential problem refers to the deeper issues of meaning and fulfillment in one's life. The speaker warns against viewing a new partner as the solution to these problems. Instead, addressing these existential needs through various aspects of life can prevent over-reliance on a relationship for happiness.

💡Business Analogies

Business analogies are used in the video to draw parallels between business decisions and relationship choices. The speaker compares evaluating romantic opportunities to assessing business opportunities, emphasizing the importance of alignment with one's values and long-term goals. This analogy helps illustrate the need for careful consideration in relationships.

Highlights

Discusses the importance of feeling loyalty and peace in a relationship.

Highlights the common mistake of getting overly excited about someone too quickly.

Emphasizes the need to take things slowly and not invest in someone until they have shown they deserve it.

Points out that over-investing early can make someone value us less.

Mentions the challenge of going slow when coming from a place of scarcity.

Stresses the importance of finding joy and worthiness in other parts of life to avoid over-investing in a new relationship.

Uses business analogies to explain the concept of not jumping at every opportunity.

Advocates for having an abundant life to make it easier to evaluate relationships slowly.

Suggests having a clear vision for the kind of relationship that will make us happy.

Encourages thinking about loyalty, peace, and teamwork in a long-term relationship.

Notes that excitement in early dating is often based on limited knowledge of the person.

Highlights the importance of backing oneself to find the right relationship in the long term.

Mentions that true confidence comes from believing that the right thing will come along.

States that real standards are underpinned by an abundant life, a clear vision, and belief in one's value.

Describes a retreat aimed at helping people cultivate an abundant life, clear vision, and belief in their value.

Transcripts

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