When You First Date Them, Look For These Signs

The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle
29 Jan 202407:55
EducationalLearning
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TLDRThe video script emphasizes the importance of having a clear vision when seeking a romantic partner. It suggests that clarity on desired characteristics and relationship dynamics can prevent heartbreak and wasted time. The speaker lists 12 signs to look for in a potential partner, including mutual attraction, availability, clear communication about the nature of the relationship, and respect towards others. Honesty, consideration in planning, and a positive emotional impact are also highlighted. The script encourages viewers to be courageous in seeking clarity and to heal past traumas to foster a healthy relationship, offering a PDF for further guidance.

Takeaways
  • ๐Ÿง **Clear Vision**: Before dating, having a clear vision of the kind of person you want to be with and how you want the relationship to be is crucial.
  • ๐Ÿšซ **Avoid Low Standards**: People who have been emotionally neglected may set their standards low; it's important to be clear about what you want to avoid disappointment.
  • ๐Ÿ’ฌ **Mutual Attraction**: Look for signs of mutual romantic attraction, such as seeking out conversation, making eye contact, and showing genuine interest.
  • ๐Ÿ” **Single Status**: Ensure the person you're interested in is not already in a relationship to avoid unnecessary emotional entanglement.
  • ๐Ÿ—“๏ธ **Clarify Intentions**: Make sure both parties understand whether a meeting is a date to avoid confusion and save face.
  • ๐Ÿค” **Interest in You**: A good partner will show genuine interest in getting to know you, not just talking about themselves or unrelated topics.
  • ๐Ÿ‘‚ **Active Listening**: They should listen to what you say and engage in a two-way conversation, demonstrating understanding and interest in your thoughts.
  • ๐Ÿ’ญ **Clear Interest**: A potential partner should make their interest in you clear without making you guess for too long.
  • ๐ŸŒŸ **Openness**: They should be open about their life, goals, and what they are looking for in a relationship, which are major compatibility factors.
  • ๐Ÿ“ **Logistical Availability**: Consider whether they are logistically available for a relationship, such as living nearby and having time to commit.
  • ๐ŸŒˆ **Positive Treatment**: A person's treatment of others, including service staff and strangers, is a reflection of how they might treat you as a partner.
  • ๐Ÿ’Œ **Honesty**: Honesty is key; they should be truthful about their life and responsive to your inquiries.
  • ๐Ÿ“… **Consideration in Planning**: They should be considerate when making plans, keeping you informed about any changes and respecting your time.
  • ๐Ÿ˜ **Feel Good**: Being around them should make you feel good about yourself and inspire you to be more and do more in a healthy and positive way.
Q & A
  • Why is it important to have a clear vision of the kind of person you want to be with before dating?

    -Having a clear vision helps you identify the characteristics of a good partner and what you value most in a relationship, which can prevent heartbreak and entanglement, and make the journey to true love less depleting and destructive.

  • What should you do if you're unsure whether a get-together is intended as a date?

    -You should seek clarity about the nature of the meeting, ideally before the first date. If still in doubt, don't agree to a second get-together until the question of whether it's a date has been clarified.

  • Why is it not recommended to stay friends with someone you're romantically interested in if they're not interested in you?

    -Hanging out with someone you're romantically interested in who doesn't reciprocate can drain your emotional energy and reduce your emotional availability for someone who is interested in you.

  • What is the significance of a potential partner demonstrating an interest in getting to know you?

    -It indicates that they are genuinely interested in building a relationship, as healthy individuals looking for a relationship will prioritize getting to know the other person.

  • How can you tell if someone is genuinely interested in you?

    -They make it clear that they are interested and do not leave you guessing for long. They engage in conversations about what you've said, showing they are listening and understand you.

  • What does it mean if someone is open about themselves and what they're looking for in a relationship?

    -It's a sign that they are ready to be in a relationship and are willing to share their life vision, including their thoughts on marriage, serious relationships, and having children.

  • Why is it important to ensure that a potential partner is logistically available for a relationship?

    -Logistical availability means they live in the same general area, have time for a relationship, and do not have any major commitments or circumstances that would hinder forming a commitment.

  • How can you tell if someone treats you and others well?

    -They are gentle, kind, and respectful not only to you but also to others around them, including service staff, drivers, strangers, and animals.

  • What does honesty in a relationship look like?

    -An honest person will correct mistakes, like if a restaurant forgets to charge for a dessert, and will answer questions about themselves truthfully without trying to hide their true nature.

  • Why is it important for a partner to be considerate about making plans with you?

    -It shows respect and commitment to the relationship. They make clear when plans are firm, show up as promised, and communicate promptly if plans need to change.

  • How does feeling good when you're around someone indicate they are a good match for you?

    -Feeling good around them means you feel uplifted and inspired to be better and do more in life in a healthy and positive way. This mutual upliftment is a sign of a good match.

  • What additional support can help you have a good relationship as you heal from past trauma?

    -Having clarity about what you want, a supportive community that understands and encourages positive changes, and good tools to help you face and heal past trauma wounds can all contribute to a healthy relationship.

Outlines
00:00
๐Ÿง Identifying the Right Partner: 12 Key Signs

This paragraph emphasizes the importance of having a clear vision of the type of person and relationship you desire before dating. It discusses the tendency of people who were emotionally neglected in childhood to set low standards for relationships. The speaker lists 12 signs to look for in a potential partner, which can help avoid heartbreak and confusion. These signs include mutual attraction, availability, clarity on the nature of meetings, interest in getting to know each other, active listening, clear expression of interest, openness about personal life and goals, logistical availability, kindness and respect towards others, honesty, consideration in planning, and a positive emotional impact. The paragraph also mentions that having a good relationship can come as you heal from past traumas and have a supportive community and tools to help with that process.

05:01
๐Ÿ“ Practical Considerations for a Healthy Relationship

The second paragraph delves into specific traits that indicate a person is a good match for a relationship. It talks about logistical availability, such as living in the same area and having time to commit to a relationship. The paragraph also highlights the importance of how a potential partner treats others as a reflection of their character. Honesty is underscored as crucial, with examples like admitting when a restaurant makes a mistake on a bill. Consideration is also key, where the individual is mindful of plans and communicates clearly about any changes. Ultimately, the paragraph suggests that feeling good about oneself and life when with the other person is a strong indicator of a healthy and positive relationship fit.

Mindmap
Keywords
๐Ÿ’กClear Vision
A clear vision refers to having a well-defined and specific idea of what one wants in a relationship. In the context of the video, it is crucial for individuals to know the type of person they want to be with and how they envision their relationship to be, which helps in avoiding heartbreak and unhealthy entanglements. An example from the script is the emphasis on knowing the characteristics of a good partner and what is most important in a mate.
๐Ÿ’กEmotional Neglect
Emotional neglect is a form of child maltreatment where a child's emotional needs are not met. The video script suggests that individuals who have experienced emotional neglect may struggle with setting high standards for their relationships, often settling for less due to a lack of understanding of what they truly deserve. An example from the script is the mention of how it's 'almost impossible for us, before healing, to imagine having what we want.'
๐Ÿ’กCharacteristics of a Good Partner
This phrase refers to the positive qualities and traits that one should look for in a potential romantic partner. The video emphasizes the importance of being clear about these characteristics to find a compatible and healthy relationship. An example from the script is the advice to be clear about what one wants in a partner to avoid heartbreak.
๐Ÿ’กHeartbreak
Heartbreak is the emotional pain and sadness one feels after a romantic relationship ends or when unrequited love is involved. The video discusses how having a clear vision of the desired relationship can help in avoiding heartbreak by setting the right expectations and standards. An example from the script is the caution against 'entanglement that make the road to true love take so long and be so depleting and destructive.'
๐Ÿ’กRomantic Attraction
Romantic attraction is a feeling of being drawn towards someone in a romantic context. The video script mentions it as one of the initial signs to look for when meeting someone new, suggesting that mutual attraction is a foundational aspect of a potential relationship. An example from the script is the advice to notice if the person 'seeks out a conversation with you or when you do talk to them they seem happy to talk.'
๐Ÿ’กAvailability
Availability in the context of the video refers to a person's capacity to engage in a relationship, including their geographical proximity, time, and emotional readiness. It is highlighted as a key factor to consider when evaluating a potential partner. An example from the script is the point about being 'logistically available,' which includes living in the same area and not having major life obstacles that would hinder a relationship.
๐Ÿ’กHonesty
Honesty is the quality of being truthful and sincere. In the video, honesty is presented as an essential trait in a partner, as it builds trust and clarity in a relationship. An example from the script is the importance of a partner being honest about their intentions and life circumstances, such as 'if they notice the restaurant forgot to charge for the dessert, they tell the restaurant.'
๐Ÿ’กConsideration
Consideration is the act of being thoughtful and attentive to the needs and feelings of others. The video emphasizes the importance of a partner being considerate when making plans, showing up as promised, and communicating effectively. An example from the script is how a considerate partner 'makes it clear when a plan is firm' and 'never leaves you guessing about whether something they invited you to do was an invitation or just a random idea.'
๐Ÿ’กRespect
Respect is showing high regard for someone, including their rights, wishes, and dignity. In the video, respect is mentioned as a critical aspect of how a potential partner treats not only the person they are interested in but also others around them. An example from the script is the advice to observe how they 'treat you and everyone else, really well,' including how they interact with service staff and other individuals.
๐Ÿ’กEmotional Energy
Emotional energy refers to the mental and emotional effort one invests in relationships and interactions. The video discusses how hanging out with someone you are romantically interested in, who is not reciprocating those feelings, can deplete one's emotional energy. An example from the script is the caution against staying friends with someone you're attracted to if they are not interested in you, as it 'drains your emotional energy.'
๐Ÿ’กLifted Up Feeling
A lifted up feeling is a sense of emotional well-being and positivity that comes from being around someone who inspires and supports you. The video suggests that feeling good about oneself and finding motivation to improve and engage more positively in life is a sign of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. An example from the script is the description of the feeling as one where 'you feel lifted up... you find yourself feeling good about yourself like you want to be more and do more in your life in a way that's healthy and positive and fulfilling.'
Highlights

Establishing a clear vision for the type of person and relationship you want is crucial before dating.

People who were emotionally neglected as children often struggle to imagine or set high standards for their relationships.

Having a clear idea of a good partner's characteristics helps avoid heartbreak and delays in finding true love.

The speaker provides a list of 12 signs to look for when meeting someone new, emphasizing their importance despite seeming obvious.

Feeling romantically attracted and noticing signs of attraction from the other person is the first sign to look for.

Ensuring the other person is not already in a relationship is a gentle and culturally accepted way to express interest.

Clarifying whether a get-together is a date is important, ideally before the first date, to avoid misunderstandings.

A good partner demonstrates an interest in getting to know you, making the effort to ask about you and listen.

Listening and understanding what you say is a key aspect of a healthy relationship.

The person should make their interest clear to avoid leaving you in doubt about their feelings.

Being open about their own life and what they're looking for in a relationship is a sign of a mature and ready partner.

Logistical availability, such as living in the same area and having time for a relationship, is a factor in compatibility.

How a person treats others, including service staff and strangers, reflects their character and potential as a partner.

Honesty, such as admitting mistakes or providing information when asked, is a vital trait in a partner.

Consideration in making and keeping plans, like showing up on time and communicating changes, shows respect for your time.

Feeling good about yourself and life when around the other person indicates a positive and healthy match.

Having a good relationship can come as you heal from past traumas, with clarity, support, and the right tools.

A PDF with all the mentioned signs is available for free download for those seeking further guidance.

Transcripts
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